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Before I embark on another relationship, I thought I might get some perspectives of what a bf's/new husbands responsibilities and roles should be with a single mom's kids. Specifically, if the kids do have a known/visible father, does the new man in a woman's life play a father figure? Many guys don't even provide a safe, secure clean environment. Is he supposed to pay for a car for her kids? Braces? Discipline them? Howabout if something happens to her, is he supposed to take over their upbringing? Do women really expect a new man to be their father? Is she right to feel envious that he spends more time and gives more attention to his own children? What exactly should a woman be grateful for in this aspect? |
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Let's do it this way.... How is the child/childrens relationship with you? |
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lincoln first let me tell you about thermalman, knowing him many years, he has yet to buy the book "how to make new friends and influence people", he comes on to people as he is in real life. I try not to pay attention to him as it would be wasted time. As for your Q, if youre going to jump into this relationship with both feet for the long run then be prepared to assume the parent relationship. If the childs blood is not your own then mentally you have to look at it as if it was your child. I will say that ground rules with your spouse need to be set prior to assuming control. If youre playing DAD then you should be in reality DAD. I am in the type of situation youre describing and YES, I am the DAD just not on the birth certificate and i treat her as if she was my own and love her the same. I do for her as i would do for my own natural born. There is no difference in my eyes and id defend her to the death if need be. GO4It and step up to the plate and lead and guide a child to adulthood !!!!!! |
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as my experience with friends with kids who arent theirs at a young age they wont remeber you coming in and taking over but if they are older then you have to take the time too be their friend first be see where it goes for the woman or man and the kid sometimes a new person can break a relaionship up cause the child doesnt like the other spouse and if they are younger then you have all the time in the world to bond and as they grow you grow with them |
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All dealings with the father should handled between him and the children's mother. This is one area you need to avoid like the plague...it is none of your business, basically. Stay out of it, let her handle it. Back her and support her and give her advice IF and only if she askes. Just my 2cents worth.  |
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I will disagree with one point, Thugs.... On the "no difference between your own kids and stepkids..." - I think a wise-step-parent treads lightly where discipline goes. It's often better to let the "real" parent handle most issues unless you need to step in to back him/her....at least starting out, until you get a feel for what are real issues and what you only think are issues. It's just too easy for someone who hasn't previously had kids of their own to be a bit too harsh and have unrealistic expectations as far as behavior goes. If the (real) parent isn't around, then sure, the task falls to you. -okay, I'm up to a quarter now... !  |
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I agree with you on the "no difference" as i stated before. As for discipline that goes that should be left to the maternal parent as to her partners limits. I also think that if your assuming parenting you should also assume education and discipline. THUGS has spoken |
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good point sassy never volunteer info unless she asks lol |
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THUGS has spoken Oh, and here I thought it was just a sonic boom I heard!!!!!!!!! |
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The sonic boom is what happens to me after i eat Mickey D's, that why i eat burger king instead  |
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wouldnt the sonic boom be white castles cause i heard those are bad sonic booms like the movie "white castle" |
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with the daughter or the woman? |
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Jolo, where ya been? You just vanish and stuff. Some of us missed you,got a few more turkeys for you to practice on screwing up thier mindset. ImJust |
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Tiny, Jolo is our resident perv....(term of endearment). |
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Given his prolonged absence, Jolo was elevated to Perv Emeritus in absentia. |
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