I am reminded of,

the night near the light,

of the pumpkins face,

A face that gave me the strength,

to tell you to go away.

That kind of fear,

that I got myself away from,

even if i had to do it myself,

because authority didn't do a darn thing.

I laugh at the question you asked,

if I remembered you.

Oh yes I do remember you!

I remember your eyes,

I had made closure with the harrassment,

that you put me through.

The abuse that went along with it,

is something I never realized happened,

until I found a safe place to unload.

The subject of drugs is a sensitive subject,

it was how you became the monster,

when you were on that stuff.

This made you an jerk,

you were an jerk anyways without it,

about ten years ago I wished you were dead.

Isolated by his gaze,

I hated you so much,

because of your lies and bull.

You were trying to prove to me,

that you were a good friend,

I didn't feel anything of a friendship with you,

especially after the heck you put me through.

I didn't appreciate being in the middle,

with your girlfriend,

especially when she thought I was provoking you.

I just wanted you to go away.

because I was so terrified of making you mad.

You threatened me that if I didn't talk to you,

You would hurt me.

I remember the torment,

you put me in everyday.

This was the kind,

that physically hurt me too,

the kind i wanted to go away.

I never realized now,

that this memory,

explains my reactions now.

I know what is going on,

is different then what I see.

Something like this strikes you,

like sand in the desert,

hard and rough,

to the point it's hard to stand.

Isolated by his gaze,

A survivor its hard to avoid things,

that trigger in your mind,

I just feel better knowing what flashbacks occurred,

were all about.

The thing I am most proud of,

is remembering the light of the pumpkins,

remembering what it did for me.

The night I saw the enemy,

after 5 years,

the night I called him a jerk,

and I didn't care if he heard it.

The night I took that control away from him,

and gave it to me.

The kind where I became a better person,

and set myself free.

It will always hurt emotionally,

because of the explosions you faced.

Another thing that I am most proud of,

is realizing the fear I had,

of someone attacking me,

I faced,

Now looking back,

it was you who I feared that would come back,

and try pinning me to a locker,

and making sexual advances towards me.

The fear of not getting out of your locked hands,

because of that power you had over me.

I was glad to know,

that the exercise I did,

was my exercise to identify,

that you will not hurt me again.

Isolated by his gaze,

I wonder about your girlfriends life.

Did you put her life through heck,

like you did with mine.

I hope she found happiness,

without your bull and cheating ways.

I felt so bad for her,

knowing I was not the only one,

who was being abused.

I pray that she had found her strength,

and she found herself,

and someone that won't treat her that way.

I felt bad that I had to be the middle like that,

but that was not my doing,

that blame is all on him.

My message to anyone,

who fell into similar situations.

When you're a survivor of something that traumatic,

it takes time until it leaves your soul.

Sometimes it comes back up in the funniest ways,

leaves you feeling what you felt,

when whoever did violating and cruel things to you,

the emotions from a long time ago.

Some people think it's easy to ignore and forget about it,

it takes time for a wounded soul,

that has been healed,

but still feels the wounds deeply.

Don't let anyone violate you,

no one deserves what I been through.