#10 The North Pole never seems to be set up in front of Victoria's Secret.

#9  "You're going to have to talk louder, Timmy, so Santa can hear you over the gunfire!"

#8  Temp agency elves aren't nearly as servile as the real deal.

#7  Do you have any idea how hard it is to do a one-cheek sneak with a kid in your lap?

#6  Dry cleaners refuse to clean the Santa suits due to the dried snot and overwhelming stench of urine.

#4  You pee on one kid for a change and -- *boom!* -- Santa's doing hard time.

#3  No one really cares that you were once married to Britney Spears.

#2  One little "Tell your mommy Santa thinks she's a MILF" and suddenly you're a bad Santa.

and the Number 1 Complaint of Mall Santas...