Reciprocal Disclosure

One of the most important aspects of verbal flirting is what psychologists call 'reciprocal disclosure' �?the exchange of personal information. In fact, unless partners disclose at least some personal details, the conversation can hardly be called a flirtation.

When you first meet, these details do not have to be particularly intimate: disclosure of almost any personal information, even something as innocent as the fact that one likes warm weather or Italian food, is a move towards intimacy.

If your partner discloses some such detail, you should reciprocate as soon as possible by revealing some similar information about yourself, perhaps 'raising the ante' a little by making your disclosure slightly more personal. If your partner likes you, he or she will probably try to 'match' your disclosure with one of similar value. Reciprocal disclosure of this kind is a much more subtle and less threatening route to intimacy than asking direct personal questions.

The key to successful flirtation is to escalate the level of intimacy gradually, always maintaining a balance between your disclosures and those of your partner. Avoid getting too far ahead by revealing too much, or lagging behind by revealing too little.

Women should be aware that men tend to interpret disclosure of personal information as a sign of sexual availability, and be particularly careful about how much they reveal.