Well I am going to start at the begining. I was born into a good family. Eventhough my father drank we were a nice family. We often had little when we did. When I was growing up I always went to church. But some of the things that happened to me made me mad at God. Then our world changed. After getting d.u.i. after d.u.i, 6 in total, it finally caught up to my dad. Coming home from a all night drinking binge my dad crossed the median and hit a car head on. He died 3 times before they could even load him into the helo. Well he lived. After weeks of recovery he went before the judge, the prosecution wanted to give him 99 years in the pen for being a repeat offender. The day he was suppose to go before the judge, his lawyer, told my mom to bring the kids to the hearing. When the judge saw us enter, one kid being in the 2nd grade, the other being in first, and me in kindergarten, he looked at my father and said "I will give you one more chance" (only by the grace of God). Screw up and its 99 years without the possibility of parole. After he got out of the treatment center, he went straight to AA meetings. And got a great job. (only by the grace of God). After a couple of months of them my mom went back to my father.

 

We moved from house to house after that. Because when times got ruff, we about lost everything. So finally about 5 years later we moved out to Euless, a subarb of Fort Worth Texas, and started a new life. I was going to church, but really only to annoy my sister, who didn't want me to go. All the time really looking for a "religion" of my own. I searched high and low for "god". And found what I thought was him in wiccan. The eternal flame. Atheism. Whatever you want to call it. And the whole time I had been having nightmares. Frightening ones. all the while in 10th grade. When I finally came clean with my mom, while my dad was in the treatment center, mom was engaged, and that guy molested me. I got furiated at God for allowing that to happen to me. Then came my junior year. After 9 great years with my father, he died, suddenly, without warning. And I got madder at God. I got angry at God as things progressed. Each day after that everything seem to tumble in around me. I really didn't believe there was a God after that.

 

How could a loving God allow all this to happen to me. We lost our everything. I finally had a relationship with my father. And I remember telling God that if you do exist, you will give me back my father. Which never happened of course. Well a couple months after that is when 9/11 happened. And then I really lost all hope that there was a God. I got mad all the time. And had bad anger problems. Mostly at God. Why could he allow this to happen. WHY?  Then in december after 9-11 I lost my aunt, she died on the operating table trying to remove a clot in her arteries. A couple months later, after failing the 12th grade, I went to live with my other aunt and uncle. And started 12th grade over again.

 

A couple of weeks into the year. My friend from when I was a kid. Was killed in an auto accident. On the eve of the homecoming football game. That sunday I went back to church for the first time in years, probably 5. It just so happen to be the church I grew up in. And I felt new again. I got invited to go to church on wednesday, and I was like, dang again on wednesday, you people are wierd. But I went anyways. I got to meet alot of people there, alot of them went to the same school as me. And I really liked that one. We were singing songs, that were with my age. Not the typical hymn, to tappin music. It was upbeat. Well a couple of months after this Billy Graham was speaking at the Cowboy Stadium, and of course I went. Mainly to get out of the house. Well on the way home some of the youth were talking about the upcoming ski trip, I was like kewl, I want to go. And so came December we went. (which was a total God thing, I was waiting for a check to be mailed, and I was like it is never going to come. But on the monday before the sunday we were going to leave it arrived.) So the first night we arrived we went striaght to hear this guy preach. I was like boring. Lets go skiing. The next night, same thing. Then came wednesday night, new years eve, At the end of the sermon, the evangelist asked for the people saved to raise their hands.

 

Well I didn't, because I knew I wasn't saved. And one of the youth saw that I didn't, and started asking me questions. I was actually getting annoyed. But then the preacher asked if there was anyone in there that wanted to pray. And the boy that saw me not raise my hand, went up to pray with our youth leader. Then the evangelist asked if we know anyone that is up at the front praying, to go up and pray for them. So I did. And about that time the kid finished his prayer with my youth leader, and the leader saw me, and pulled me to the side. And I got SAVED.

 

Like they say, the rest is history. but God has brought me through alot. And the whole time I was pushing him to the side. And getting mad at him for allowing all this to happen to me.

 

For most of my growing up I didn't know my earthly father-----------but the Heavenly Father was there the whole time

When I was mad at him----------------------------------------------He still cared for me

When my father was taken from us-----------------------------------He was still there

When I was alone, all those nights------------------------------------Jesus was the one wiping the tears

When I wanted to kill myself-----------------------------------------Jesus was the one that gave me fear of weapons, to stop that from happening.

When nobody was there for me--------------------------------------God walked with me

No matter how much I hated him-------------------------------------HE never stoped loving me

When I was searching for other gods---------------------------------The only true God was the one that found me

When I needed a friend-----------------------------------------------Jesus made me his best-friend

When my father died those 3 times------------------------------------Jesus gave wisdom to the rescuers on what to do

When my father passed suddenly-------------------------------------God took his place

 

So many things has happened in my short life, most of the time I was not "walking" with God. But he was there the whole time. So don't think he don't care. He does its all in his plane. It took all this stuff for me to get to my knees and tell him. I can't do it without you.