This is my life and what brought me to God in a nut shell, a long nut shell, but a nut shell.

I was born to a 17 year old single mom. My biological father was not a part of my life until I was almost 18 and then he decided that I was a bad kid and didn't want me around anymore. When I was 2 my mom and I moved into our own apartment. I don't remember much about this time, and what I do remember is not good! My mom dated 3 men before my stepdad, Russ, Ross, and Roy. I don't remember much about any of them except for Roy! Roy was very abusive to my mom and I got thrown into the middle of it. I remember one night he came over and got into a fight with my mom. He came into my mom and mine's room and flipped her bed over and I was in my crib and he dumped my crib upside down with me in it. There was another time that he came over and started to fight with my mom again and I ran upstairs to the neighbor's and had her call my grandfather. Then when I was 4 my mom met my stepdad, OH BOY! I hated him! I begged her not to marry him, but of coarse she didn't listen to me. So started the cicyle of abuse in my life. My step brother sexually abused me from the time that my parents got married, until I was 13. When I was 13, my school councelor found out about what was going on and turned him in. Then started the division of my family. During the years, my step dad, would abuse me as well. During all of these years, I became very suicidal. Every night I would sit in my kitchen, with a knife in one hand and my bible in the other. God saved me every night from killing myself.  After my brother got turned in, we had to go to court over it. We lost! There wasn't enough evidence against him I guess! My freshman year of high school I got saved and became really on fire for God. Then my faith and life started to become very tested and painfully difficult. So I turned away from God. During my high school years, it was just as bad. Sex, drugs, Sex, more drugs, sex, and multiple abusive relationships. I hide it from everyone until my senior year when I moved out of my parents house and started getting into the drugs, sex, and partying really heavy. It was all consuming. My entire family turned away from me. All my friends, did the same. All of this of coarse made me use that much more. One night I was overdoseing and I was having holustionations and became parnoid. I was sitting on my front porch and saw people coming toward me and my house, commando style. This lasted all night. I was so afraid, but all I could think about was getting high and then it would all go away. I overdosed 2 other times after that. The last one put me in the place that I had finally had enough. During this time I had been in many extremly abusive relationships, and was raped 3 times. So after all this, I moved away from there and moved back in with my parents. That worked, untill...

I met my ex-fiance. That was the most abusive relationship that I have ever been in. The memories still sneak up on me. He would have killed me if I hadn't gotten out when I did. I still can't beleive that I let myself stay in that relationship for 2 years. One more day and I would have probebly been dead!

After I left him, I joined Job Corps, which was a good thing and a bad thing. 250 boys to 90 girls. OH BOY! I learned alot, but I did alot of self damage again. With Sex.

When I graduated from Job Corps, I moved in with my grandmother. Then I reconnected with a friend that I hadn't seen in 2 years. We went on a double date with my best friend and another friend. We have not been apart since. My husband! He showed me the way back to God! He saved my life, literally! I praise God everyday that he gave me my husband.

I look back on my life now and see that God was with me the whole time. I know it doesn't seem that way, but if it hadn't been for God being there I would have killed myself many times over. God is great and he has healed soooooo many of my deep wounds, and he is still healing me everyday is a better day. Through the grace of God I am ALIVE and happy! PRAISE GOD!

Thank you all for being a blessing to me

imnoxxi aka Jennifer