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| | From:  dafferdill74 (Original Message) | Sent: 7/16/2008 5:35 PM |
OMG!!!!!! He is such a jerk! Just like always I picked him up from work yesterday and he was drunk! UGH ! That was not what I have issues with, after I picked him up I took him to his Dr. apt and I guess some girl that works in there lives in the same area his daughters mother lives and low and behold he had to ask oh do you know so and so like is it so great to know this girl. She is not a very outstanding citizen plus she keeps his daughter away from him to be spite full and has caused him and everyone ealse so much drama. Well it never fails if you say you are from this area where she is from he jumps on it to see if they know her, So I askd why do you do that I said? he got all offensive and I just droped it. Well then we drove by this corner market when he said ohhhh stop there I need to get some smokes so I stoped then he was like hey you got 2 bucks? I said for what? A beer? NO!!!! You already had enough...........oh no that is where it started. He started calling me a Bit@h and all kinds of crap, Then we get home and he started yelling that I was a whore and a slutt and then a african american gentelman walked by and he started go go go and get that you know you like it you know you want to f*@k him and all kinds of crap like that I just went inside where it continued. He started say-in I know you are a whore I know you were the whore of your home town Your family has told me I know what a slutt you are. I was like sure what ever! See It upsets me that he talks to me like that but then it dont cuz I know its not true. See he is my 2 long term relation ship and he is the 4th person I have ever slept with and I am near 34 years old I dont think that is bad. But he kept on and kept on. Oh then he started talking crap about my family and all kinds of stuff telling me I am a bastard child because my dad died when I was 21....come on!!!! So I got sick of it and I am sorry to say I sank to his level, I told him he was a looser and no good and he lies and his so called love he has for me is full of crap!!!! then I told him his daughter was worthless even though I dont feel like that cuz I love her but I knew it would get to him well thats when it stoped he walked out and didnt come back for a while and when he came back the vomited in the restroom and then tried to be all loveing and stuff. but that only lasted about an hour till he fliped again. I told him he was making me hate him and pushing me away. he fell quite and went to bed. that was it. Soooooo What now ladies I am so confused how do I handle this because some silly part of me LOVES him......................... |
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Hi, I just finished reading your post and even though we haven't met I feel like I need to address this before I go to sleep tonight. You asked what you do next? Dear lady, you know what to do. We all love these guys for whatever reason we may have. In my case, I loved him because I believed he could change...that it was worth just hanging around for him to become the better person that I knew was lurking inside. I couldn't have been more wrong and yet it took many years to stop "loving" him. Love becomes pretty distorted when a man is calling you names and accusing you of things that you aren't doing, doesn't it? Tell me, when was the last time that you called a friend in your life those awful names as an expression of "love"? He sounds like he is using and abusing substances and my concern is that things appear to be escalating and I don't want you to get hurt physically on top of the emotional beating that he is giving you. You deserve respect and genuine love. You are a special valuable woman and once you have some distance from this verbal assault, maybe some counseling, and some time to think, you will come to respect yourself. And one last thing...you are beautiful just the way you are, whatever your size is. God made each of us perfect. I hate it when people in relationships resort to using our physical characteristics to try to control and demean us. Don't you ever listen to him...you are lovable, plain and simple! You will be in my prayers. We are here as a group to listen but please do all the steps you need to to ensure your personal safety, ok? Hugs, Jolene |
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Hun, I know you love him. But I have to say that I agree with Jolene. And I feel the longer you wait for that "miracle" to happen the harder it will be for you. I don't want to see you hurting anymore than what you are. You are a beautiful, strong, intellengent woman and you do not deserve to be treated that way(none of us do). I stayed with Randy a little over 10 yrs. waiting for that same miracle. I thought I seen the good in him. He makes it sound like he is so sinscere and I wanted more than anything to believe him. But he did things over and over again with the same empty promises. If anything things will get worse and that scares me for you. I am just now getting back on my feet and not backing down from him and we've been seperated 3 yrs now. I still have a long way to go but I am so much stronger now and I have my friends here to thank. I just hope that you know that you are strong enough and you follow your heart. You can not change anyone or even help them if they don't want to change. Please remember that we are hear for you and you are always in our thoughts and prayers Hugs~T (I hope this didn't come out wrong/mean ) |
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WE HAVE SOME VERY SMART LADIES IN OUR GROUP SOME VERY GOOD ADVICE. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT. LIKE TAMMY SAID YOU CANT CHANGE ANY ONE THEY HAVE TO WANT TO CHANGE . AND THEY LOVE PLAYING HEAD GAMES WITH US. YOU SATY STRONG HONEY VENT ANY TIME YOU NEED TO WE ARE ALL PRAYING FOR YOU. |
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Hi, Oh Jolene I know you are so right. Its odd because I have distant myself from him, when he is in his good moods he goes to kiss me and I cant Ugh I have no want to kiss him when before Ohhhhh how I longed to kiss him, how I longed to be with him, now a large part of me cant wait to be away from him. The funny thing is the little tiny part the part that Loves him the part tha wishes for all the best the part that remembers all the good times and all that Yells to the big part that dont want anything to do with him. If that makes any sense. I ve asked him to leave he blows me off, tells me to shutt the F up Bit@h and walks away. I ask myself why did I go back when I had left him before WHY WHY WHY...... I ve told him to go he wont. I recall about 6 months ago he had went to throw the trash and disapeared all nite he didnt come home until 7 am and I was able to lock the apt up because he had left his keys and he kicked the door down, I didnt call the cops because he didnt do anything to me and he fixed the door right then and there, But he went to work right after that and all day he called crying and apoligizing and all that empty crap and asked if we could talk so he came home and stayed. I tell him to go live with his mom, that I know he is not happy and he should not waste his time with me if he is so unhappy with me to treat me like this but he says its me. I know its not. The one thing that worries me is, I am due to have the Lap Band operation in a few months and I dont know if I am gonna be able to handle him because I know how crude and mean he can be and having him around will drive me crazy. I dont know I know I sound lame like I am trying to make excuses for him huh.I dont know what is wrong with me UGH!!! I've tried for so long with him and now with his attitude and how he treats me I am become a hateful person to him and I hate it. I know I have to get out I know it is prob good for both of us. But even thinking of it makes me feel like a looser for not following threw you know. I dont kow...... |
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Tammy; It is so hard to follow my heart because it is torn!!!! I want to run screaming the other way and never look back and then a wee part wants to stay and make it work so it is driving me crazy. See I hate it because I remember when I was younger and had never been in Love and I would hear ladies around me who were in similar situations I would always say OMG how could you let a man talk to you like that or treat you like that, you dont have to put up with it leave him there are better men out there or it is so much better to be alone and happy all the time then to be with a Jerk and happy some of the time. Now look at me I spit in the sky and it has fallen right in my eye. why can I not take my own dang advice. I told him (carlos) that I will not let him talk down to me anymore so now I am sinking to his level and being the Bit@h he claims I am and telling him right back I have also told him that I know I am a damn good woman and no amount of his cutt downs or mistreating would ever change that and just because he has a low self estem and issues with his life and how people treat him and how his family inter act with him is not my fault and I will not take it!!! I told him My MOM and DAD didnt waste there time and sweat rasing me to be a damn good person and they never mistreated me and they gave me everything HE DOESNT HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO IT EVER!!!!! NO ONE DOES!!!! He stayed quite. I can be honest with you all I know. I think he has some issues like maybe bypolar or something because he switches quick. Plus his concept on simple things is so distorted it blows my mind! ex: I told him his mother should be happy to have a woman like me in love with her son, I sustain myself I work I am educated I dont need to take advantage of man I just need a man to be my partner and stand beside me. WELL he blew a gasket and started to say OHHHHH a MAN huh you need a MAN Oh I see I see where you are coming from not me not me to stand beside you a MAN. I dont know how his mind works but he blew that out of the water and that is just a bit of what I deal with every day. Well I will stop this response for now hope to hear from you all soon. LOTS OF HUGS |
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I'm still keeping you in my prayers. You know, you were strong enough to get out once and you can choose to beat yourself up for not staying out, or you can use that as an example of your inner strength and you can get out again. See, what I have learned, hon, is that what these guys try to do is erase our ability to make choices. We forget that we can do something different with our life. They create so much chaos that we can't find the silence that lets us hear ourself figure out the next step. Kicking down doors is not ok. Calling you names is not ok. Not being your most ardent supporter when you have the lap band procedure done is not ok! Don't wait for him to get out....get yourself in a position that you can go, if that is what you end up choosing to do. It give YOU the power and not him. I don't claim to know what is best for you but God does. I'll keep talking to him about your situation, I promise. Hugs, Jolene |
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Thinking of you and sending prayers Hugs~T |
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