crying in silence #2

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Tam, all i want is to have the kids every weekend or every other. i do know and appreciate the fact that you took less money for support which is one reason i still give you half of my tax refunds. and you cant take me back to court until july 2009, which will be fine with me but you actually get more money from my taxes every year than you would get if you take me for the full amount of child support. if you let me have the kids on weekends i will still give you half of my refunds to help you out. i dont think that is too much to ask.

randy

I asked him Sunday to get my meds, I had to call him yesterday to ask him again. He also told me that he would give me half the rebate money. Sunday he got made b/c I wouldn't feed him dinner. Yesterday when he showed up with my meds, I went and confronted him about the money. He said " What money" I told him exactly how things are and as I walked off I said Oh and I will see you in court. He said alright.

This is the email I got from him last night. He has nothing else to use against me so now it is this and insurance.I can take him back before 2009 b/c there has been an increase and changes but he thinks he is going to scare me so I don't take him back. And he is trying to tell me that I will get less money by raising my monthly support than I do when getting half the taxes. First of all, I only get about 2,500 of the taxes. 2nd, if I were to get the full amount of support(which right now is an extra 400 a month) it would be an extra 4,800 a year. Plus I'm intitled to get half of the taxes on top of that. I feel that he is using money and insurance to still have control of me b/c he has nothing else. Could I be taking this email wrong or is he really trying to threaten me with money to see his kids?

And my FIL called here tonight. Left a voice mail saying that he just had a vistor(randy)etc. I can not deal with the fact that he only calls here when I'm standing my ground with Randy(just to find out what he can). Ok sorry I rambled Hugs~T

I just read this........

He sent Zak in with my meds so I went out to confront him about the money. He said he is not giving me any money b/c I wouldn't feed him dinner on sunday. I said why would I feed you when we are not together. He said and you keep me from my kids. That's when I got in his face and told him that he has played that card one to many times and I would really appriciate it if he stopped lieing. He is here all the time but he doesn't realize that we have security camaras and the court can supena the videos.

and with the taxes.......we have filed married jointly up until this year and the only reason he did it that way is so my name wouldn't be on it. All I could think about was why is he all of a sudden doing it this way when he keeps saying that we are getting back together.

And as for my FIL......... he told me a few weeks ago that Randy went telling everyone that the only way he can see his kids is if he has sex with me. That I won't let him see them if he doesn't. What kind of stuff is that? I told my FIL if he believes that one I'll tell him another one. He said he didn't believe him.

I'm just fed up.......last night I couldn't stop crying and today I don't know what to do with myself, I have a head ache and my stomache is upset.

I read his email the exact same way. Controlling like crazy. Manipulating you and your children. Sounds like he is getting desperate as you stand your ground.

I'm so sorry that you are going thru this. You deserve so much better. Maybe you need to hear the same words that you share with the rest of us....you are an intelligent, beautiful, special woman and you deserve respect and kindness.

You keep standing your ground one day at a time, ok? You will be in my prayers tonight!

Tammy I am sorry you are feeling bad with a headache and stomach ache and I do pray you will feel better soon.

With all you go through with Randy no wonder you are sick.

He loves to keep you upset and confuse and this makes him feel he is still in control. Randy from all I can tell from reading your posts is a manipulator and a freak controller. Yes as long as he can get by with paying you whenever he has your number.

You can take him back to court and make him have to pay child support each month then maybe this is the best for all of you.

Also if he has to pay you by mail then you would not have to see him that much.

When the courts order him to pay child support he cannot swindle his way out of it unless he skips town because if he does not pay then the state will take it outta of his check.

Randy can say all kinda of threats but Tammy you are very smart and know him pretty well by now and just like you said in your post he try to use the same old card he did before but you told him oh no you don't right? What is happening from all I can see here is Randy has hurt you so deeply and has told you so many lies that you have really had your fill of him and his ugly ways and very disturbing behavior. So now you try to make life comforable and not rock the boat too much because of the children and you sacrifice so much of yourself just to keep peace and harmony for your kids. Tammy I am really sorry and wish I could be there for you now and give you a big hug for I know your burden is very heavy.

From all I can tell just from your posts is he is shaking in his boots now because you are getting stronger and no longer will put up with his bullshit...pardon my french.

He knows he has really lost your love because of all the pain and hell he has put you through and now he will use any method to get to you.. even use his father which is lowdown and mean to get him involved.. cause he knows you have had enough of his torture. You mean bussiness and no horse playing around. I know it has to be very hard, tiring, exasting now but I am so proud of you Tammy for standing your ground with him.

You say you have been seperated now for three years, and you have camera's where you live. You also I pray have kept very good records on all the times of no show or all the times he has harrassed you, and all the times he has not paid you. You will need all of these records when the day comes and you finally say enough and want a divorce and end this nightmare with Randy.

Tammy I am only an outsider looking in but I cannot see the whole picture so I never mean in anyway to offend you or upset you and if I do I am truly very sorry.

I can only say I am sick with medical problems but each day my Lord helps me get through another day and Tammy I know without a doubt if my hubby left me then God would provide for me and my needs. I no longer live in fear of what if's because I have seen all God can do for me when I give Him my all and He sees my heart to be true or not. I have a faith I never had in my life before after I went through so much in the last seven years of so much pain and hell. I have been a christian since I was only twelve but never have had the confidence, surelty, and knowing that God really is there to pulled me up out of my pit of despair, depression, until I no longer wanted to live.

What I am saying is yes this little voice has always been there to tell me from right and wrong but I did things my way alot of times(After divorce,menopause,mother dieding) and have paid dearly for those mistakes/choices. So after making some mistakes and bad choices I suffer much but thank God He never gave up on me for I just wanted to go asleep and never wake up again.

After 34yrs of marriage and getting a divorce and my ex. hubbby wanted the divorce because of his PTSD from Viet Nam, 68-69 and Tammy I never wanted this and tried so hard to make my marrige work but he thought it was best.

My ex was a wonderful and very loving hubby to me most of out marriage and we have two wonderful young sons together and they are 37 and 32 and I still love him and have respect for him for all of the loving years and we grew up together.

My ex never hit me or curse me but while going through our divorce he really changed on me for now I had gotten use to being on my own and when he wanted me back I loved him but "No" I had cried so many tears earlier and pleaded with him to not give up on us and he said he needed his space. He never changed for me before so why would he now and I like getting up each day and not having to worry about walking on egg shells anymore with his sickness of PTSD.

So being out on my own for the first time in my life was very scary and took a lot of courage but God was with me each step of the way and calm my nerves and gave me strength and took my wheel and who drove my car and help me find a job and make new friends in a different place. I owe everything I am to my Lord for I was a basket case of raw nerves and much confusion. Tammy I am here to tell you when you have faith in God and obey/respect Him He will help you. I am a living miracle and only because of Gods love for me for I am not worthy of anything myself.

We are all Gods children and He is our King, Father, Savior, Shepard etc... and we are His Princesses, Sheeps etc... and He will protect us when we love Him more then anything else.

I felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off of me and I was happy for the first time in such a long time.

Then...

I know myself when I allowed myself to be in a abusive relationship for only three years, that not only did I suffer mentally but with my fibromyalgia I had days when I could not move even if I wanted too. Then I realized one day that when things seem to get back to normal that is when it happened all over again the verbal and sometimes physical abuse and I allowed myself to be a part of his games for a time until I said enough leave me and get the Hell away from me unless you can change and accept Gods love and change. I finally got enough courage and wisdom from God not to be afraid of my tomorrows or how will I make it for I had had enough of the living nightmare of hell. I knew from all of my reading inspirational books of other women who had come through so much then I could too. The one who really help me more then anybody is God for I would wake up with him talking to me and telling me not to be afraid or scared for He will always take care of me because He knew all of the pain and suffering I had been through. God would tell me to always be strong and not worry and do what I knew was right in my heart and only God could have gave me this kind of strength and courage....for I was terrified of being sick and not having anyone to help me.

But I did Tammy I stood my ground with God as my rock and locked him outta my house and told him never again would he be a part of my life unless He loved me as Jesus loves the church and Tammy even now today I still feel the same way.

I cannot explain it really it is just a gift of courage and strength that only God can give you as He did me. I pray Tammy that God will give you the courage and strength each day to do all you have to do and not feel helpless or afraid.

This is very long....so..later

Then it happen..... I will tell you later about what happen next.

Take care Tammy and I love you girl and you hang in there and you will see many changes in your life when you stick to your guns and know how strong you are.

Tammy I prayed many of nights please God take me home to be with you for I was at my wits end but God had other plans for me and it is helping others who are where I have been.

I pray I have help you some to feel better and Tammy try to relax and just tell God and ask God and He will help you.

Love MaggieSunshine

Jolene and Maggie........Thank you very much

He called yesterday and left a messege saying how he feels bad b/c he knows I was counting on that money,etc and we need to talk. I called him back about an hour later. We talked long enough for him to tell me that he would bring me money. He was being mean, then started saying that he didn't know what time he was bringing it if at all and I just hung up on him. I called him back and told him that I would appreciate if he were here by 7. He was here by seven, I went to the car, he handed me the money, I said thanks and walked away. I didn't count it til I got back in my apt. and I am greatful what he gave me but he still didn't give me half, like we agreed. He still hasn't called today. So we will see what happens next. I make a butt out of myself when I assume......... but I'm assuming that he is waiting for me to give in again. That is not going to happen this time but still taking things one day at a time.

Thank you very listening to me vent. Hugs~T

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