Jamie
I am glad you let us know how you are doing.
I know hon it is very hard and the pain and worries is over bearing at times. I am so glad that you let your tears come down like a heavy rain for this is good for our bodies to cried out to God.
God is the one who calmed you when you seeked Him you found Him. When we hold our tears and fears inside it causes us all kind of medical problems. This is why God gave us tears like releasing and opening up a dam inside of us or else we would explode the wall into a million pieces (our bodies).
Never sweetie feel bad about crying or ashame of anything because we are here to listen to you and not judge you.
I know this calming feeling that God gave to you because He has calmed my storms so many times and only He can do that.
I would often get very upset and say things out of anger and hurt because I believe in someone that deceived me and to me there is nothing that hurts as bad as deception and lies. So many times I would get upset and fall into his games and try to hurt him back and called him all kind of names.
Then afterwards I would hear Jesus say No my child this is not who you are and I would feel so bad and cried all of the time for letting this person get to me. It is not our human nature to let someone hurt us and do nothing about it.
I mean we have all of these emotions in us going haywire when we get hurt. We do and say many things we normally would not when we are caught in a web of deceipt and lies. We automaticlly want to fight back and say why??? After all I did tell you all of the truth about me, and didn't even want to be with you (should have listen to God for He was telling me to get away from him and I tried) but, I said to him..you lied when you said you loved me and I finally believe you for this...I don't think so, ...and you have lied and played your games with my life. A life is very precious and noone has a right to distroy it! I locked him out and told him to find God or else leave me alone. I got a retraint order on him and he knew I meant business because then I would cried out to God and I would say please Dear Father forgive me for not listening to you and believing this man who is of evil games and deceipt. I asked God to please have mercy on me and to take away the pain of shame and guilt I felt for ever letting this person in my life. I knew only God could help me and give me the strength, courage and wisdom I needed to get away from him or else God would change his heart and he would have to listen to God and want to change. So I prayed all of the time and went days...before ever taking his calls, or even talked to him.
He would leave so many messages on both of my phones and knocked on my door over and over but I would just stay in my presence with God and completely ignored him. He would beat on my door and windows and I just stayed quite and he would go away and come back and do it all over again. I prayed please Lord let him know of your love and I prayed that God would bring him down on his knees to see you cannot hurt people and get by with it. So one night I listen to his message he had left on my cell phone and home phone and he was finally crieding very hard, and said he was broken and knew he needed help and could not live without me, and ask for my forgiveness and that he had felt Gods presence and for me to please give him another chance to prove his love for me.
I told him after going so many days without listening to him.."Only" if you put God first in your life and seek help for your condition of lieding, and hurting me with your dirty porns.
It was very hard but I knew that I had been praying for God to help him and so now I had to see if he meant business or just lieding again to get back into my life, and hurt me all over again.
When we meet someone and they seem normal and act like they are so crazy about us and can't live without us, and we have our doubts..anyway about this person then we better listen to that small voice telling us it is not right. Because that little voice is God telling you my child this man is bad news for you and I don't want to see you get hurt.
It is so hard to believe someone so sweet, kind and nice can be full of so many lies but Satan was an angel too at one time, so we have to know about a person and where they come from and all about their friends and family and who they really are before we ever let ourselves get involved with them. A man of God and truth will not hurt and lied to a woman of faith, unless he is a deceiver and makes you think he is a christain.
Their are so many people in the world who are trying to fight off their evil ways and when they meet someone nice, I believe they truly want to change and be like us of love and of God. But this battle that was going on inside of them before they ever met us, women, is still going on inside of them and the more we give of our love to them the more they attack us for the enemy is stronger then we are. So we pray for them and try to help them and listen to them and in the process little by little they are tearing who we were down...until we are playing their games with them. This is a very dangerous game for when we become like them(agrue, fight, cuss, abusive words, very evil tongue,) we are letting the enemy get to us too.
We can kill who we are if we are not careful in the process of helping someone we love. I know myself, I had finally said enough get out and stay out for I am not playing your stupid games anymore. It is very hard to understand why we women will take so much until we have had enough. I know myself it was making me sick pyhsically, and I thought to myself, this is not right and this is not who I am and I was never this way until I met him.
So finally after many days and nights of so many tears and pain and sleepless nights and staying very close to God did I see the light. God is the only one who can give us the strength and wisdom to get away from someone who has gotten into our blood and life. I know God is real because I could not have done this without His help and him keeping me calm during my storms. So no matter how bad and misery I was I just kept reading my bible, talking, praying with God and asking for forgiveness for ever making such a poor choice of character in my life. I had to ask God to forgive me for not listening to him when he was telling me it was wrong and to stay away from this guy and to not let him in my life. People will fool us over and over in life for we are human but the more we studied Gods words and love God, the more our eyes are open to see and God gives us discerment about these type of people when we listen to Him.
I am praying Jamie that God will guide you and give you the strength, courage and wisdom you will need to get through your divorce and the days ahead of you.
I am so glad it is christian couseling you and your children are getting. It will take time for the wounds to heal but God will heal you and your sons. You are doing the right thing by praying and asking God to help you and your sons. My prayer for my sons was always please protect them and give them peace and joy and a love, heart like Jesus for one another. I also prayed that God would always guide their lives to become all he wanted for them and not let me or their dad get in the way.
It is easy to think as parents what we want for our children but I knew that God knew best and I was just to love them and let them know of Gods love for them and give them back to God for he would lead them in the right direction. So I always told them only the truth and being of Gods love will you have any kind of joy and peace here in this world. My sons are of Gods love but I can still see God working on them and through them just like he does me, you, and all of us until we die.
My oldest son is a minister, and my youngest son was a youth minister for years but now he is a railroad engineer(his life dream) but he has a heart and love for God.
Our children are forever watching us in life and how we handle things be it good or bad is forever with them in their minds.
We have to be a good example for them if we want them to succeed and have a normal life. Our children will pick up our habits and ways so we must always be own guard of everything we say and do around them. We must be of truth and love and have a Godly home for them, so they will know this is the way of life. When we are born and babies we know nothing and we are taught by our parents on how to react and respond to things in life for we are very happy as babies. So when we grow up in a dysfunctional home it is hard to change and become who God wants us to be but we can with God guiding us, and I am living proof of this. I was saved at the age of twelve but I lived my younger years up and down like on a roller coaster not letting God be my main focus but He never left me. When in life I have made some bad choices or mistakes it was my fault not God because I was doing things my way and letting my flesh and body win over my soul and spirit from God.
All things are possible with God and He will never forsake us.
He always protects His children who love Him and obey him.
Jamie you are not alone in your battle and you are of love and very sweet and never let anyone take that away from you.
We all in here have had our share of problems and been where you are and I know it hurts like crazy but believe me you too will succeed and make a better life for you and your sons.
Take care and hold on tight to your convictions and of Gods hand to guide you for God will not stir you wrong.
My prayers are with you and sons. I care, we care so let me, us know how you are doing ok?
Hugs
Love MaggieSunshine
Free Forum Hosting
Important Announcement
First 
You sound like you are making head way by getting away from him.
Just stay strong and know we are here for you and you can vent anytime with us and we listen. I am sorry I was not here earlier for you and I am very sick right at this moment but I am sure some of the other friends here will be glad to help you. 
Love n Hugs~T
Return to Vent