crying in silence #2

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Well it has been a bit over 2 weeks and I have come to terms with alot. I finaly talk to him on sunday we spent the day together disucssing what went wrong. He has been clean as he tells me for these 2 weeks I told him I was happy for him. I also told him not to do it for no one but himself because in order for him to be happy with anyone ealse he must be happy with himself. He did tell me he has alot to work on and he is going to do so. He says that me kicking him out and ending it with him was a reality check one that he didnt need and it hurts him to thing we are over. I told him that I would not and could not except his choices anymore and that I deserve respect at all costs and I understand at time I would loose respect for him as well I told him you could only kick a dog so much before it bites back and Heck I was tied of being beat down and disrespected and I apoligized On my behalf. I do see he sees the errors of his ways. He told me he wants to make it work between us I have told him that its gonna take time because I am not gonna rush back into a disruptive relationship with him. Because I am afraid it will be all good for a bit but he may just fall into his old ways, I also told him yeah I love him but I cant take his crap, He agreed. We have come to an agreement to talk and stuff and work on our selfs and then at some point work on eachother we have also agreed to stay living away from one another. He has suggested couple counseling as well as him seeking some sort of help for his addictive personality. Well as I have told him I am not gonna hold my breath just hope for the best what ever it may be :) So my dear friends what do you think???

MY PERSONAL OPPTION I WOULDNT MOVE BACK IN WITH HIM UNTILL YOU SEE SOME MAJOR CHANGES. ABUSERS KNOW EXACLY WHAT WE WANT TO HEAR,THEY KNOW WHAT BUTTONS TO PUSH. IN ORDER FOR THIS TO WORK HE HAS GOT TO WANT TO CHANGE.HE HAS TO DO IT FOR HIM NOT YOU. COUPLE COUNCLING IS GOOD BUT HE ALSO NEED IT JUST FOR HIM.I UNDERSTAND YOU LOVE HIM AND THAT IS WHY YOU NEED TO TREAD VERY LIGHTLY HERE. DONT LET YOUR HEART GET IN THE WAY.ALOT OF ABUSERS AND I'M NOT SAYING HE WILL BUT MOST. WILL DO WHAT EVERY THING THEY THINK WE WANT TO SEE. SAY JUST THE RIGHT THINGS TO GET THEIR FOOT BACK IN THE DOOR. THEY KNOW WE LOVE THEM AND THEY USE THAT. IF HE IS REALLY HONEST ABOUT GETTING HELP AND MENDING THE PAIN HE HAS CAUSED HE WILL DO WHAT EVER IT TAKES.HE WILL BE PERFECTLY OK ABOUT YOU NOT LIVING TOGETHER. IT TAKES TIME AND ALOT OF EFFORT ON HIS PART TO MEND THE PAIN HE HAS CAUSED. HE ASLO NEEDS TO BE WILLING TO LOOK AT YOU AND ADMIT WHAT HE HAS DONE. AND ADMIT THAT HE NEEDS HELP TO DEAL WITH HIS PROBLEMS. IF HE CANT ADMIT HE HURT YOU AND ADMIT HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH HIS TEMPER I WOULD TELL HIM TO HIT THE ROAD JACK.LIKE AN ACHOLOLIC WHICH IAM IF WE CANT ADMIT WE HAVE A DRINKING PROBLEM NO AMOUNT OF HELP IN THE WORLD WILL SOLVE OUR PROBLEM. WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU BOTH.

Hello Dafferdill,

You say your Not sure I am making the right choice.....
I agree with what Brenda has said in her post to you.

You are a sensible lady and you did make the correct choices in my opinion .

You still may be .BUT slowly slowly.You know what you have to do. No matter what anybody else says .

Its true what they say 'LOVE HURTS '. Especially if something like this happens.

Whatever route you take , make sure your keep your self respect and under NO circumstances let him hurt you again ....

I wish you all the very best .I hope things will go the way you want them to .

Take care. You know where we are anytime you need us.

Hello Dafferdill, I love your name!

I read what you said and Brenda and Aunty J has gave you some really good advice.

I know myself, that when we love someone so much that it hurts so bad to be away from that person and yes they have a way to make us feel guilty. We all want to be love and hate living alone. But the main thing we all must know is that we deserve respect and honor and Not abuse and being abuse is not of Gods love for us.

After a while even the best love for someone can grow very weary and tiresome when we are in a constant battle of turmoil everyday. We have to decide in order to heal and get well we have to pull ourselves away from the abuser as much as it may hurt at first. Only time can heal the pain of loving someone who is abusive. We miss them and we hate being alone so we all must keep ourselves busy by doing things and keeping our mind off of the one who is hurting us. After a while the pain gets better and you feel like you can fly and have more energy then you did while living in a abusive relationship.

It's scary I know but in time you will see you made the right choice for you deserve better. Just hold onto your convictions and beliefs and if he truly loves you then he will seek help and prove to you he means business and not just cheap talk.

I would give him plenty of time and stay away from him and I know if it is meant to be then he will get help. You alone cannot help him or change him. You did not make him this way and you cannot undo him to be the way you want him to be.

You can tell him you are praying for him and hope he gets help but for now you need your space to heal and get well and don't want to jump back in the fire with him for you are tired of getting burnt.

I do hope you are staying strong and getting better each day.

You need to enjoy each day of Sunshine and life..NOT Abuse and Rain in your life. Take care.

We can advise you all day but only you can make the choice and decision you alone can live with.

Sending my love, hugs and prayers. MaggieSunshine

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