Many people blame themselves for the abuse and keep it a secret for years. Since it is so hard to understand why someone would do such horrible things to another human being, the victims usually assume they must have done something wrong to deserve it. They usually keep it a secret because of the shame and guilt they feel. They may also fear that no one will believe them it they talk about it or they may have been threatened by their abuser not to tell. For these victims, sometimes their eating disorders become their only means of coping and expressing their emotions. Many bulimics and compulsive eaters reveal that bingeing is their way of stuffing down the emotions they feel. Food becomes their only source of comfort and it can help to numb their feelings, even though it is only temporary. Many will tell you that food is the one thing that is always there for them. Food does not yell at them, hurt them and will never leave them. It becomes the one thing in their life that brings them comfort and security. Some victims of abuse believe that if they are too thin or too obese, it will make them unattractive and the abuse will stop. Others may believe that by not eating they can just fade away and die, then the abuse will have to end. Other victims have expressed a need to be in control in the areas of food. They feel the need to control the food that goes in and out of their bodies, since they felt they had no control over what was happening to their bodies during the abuse. Purging is another way for abuse victims to release their emotions. If they believe they cannot tell anyone about the abuse and express the emotions they are experiencing, purging may be the only way they know how to get those feelings out. Many feel relieved and calm after purging, but it is only temporary and that is why the cycle continues.

When people who have repressed or blocked out the abuse start having memories, it is a terrifying experience for them. They many find themselves experiencing some of the following emotions and feelings:

For many, the eating disorder has been their only means of survival for many years and it is difficult to recover because of the fear to give it up. They are not sure if they can survive without their eating disorder.

Abuse survivor’s need to be treated in a safe environment with a therapist who they like and trust. A therapist should never push them to talk about the abuse. They need to be allowed to recall the abuse at a pace that feels safest for them. Dealing with issues of abuse can cause some very intense feelings, which can cause the eating disorder to go out of control. It is during these times that the person will probably need more emotional support to get through it. If their health is at risk, there may be a need for hospitalization. It is important that the person is reassured that it is okay to talk about the abuse. If the person finds it too difficult to express themselves verbally, writing is a good way for them to express what happened and how they are feeling.

Dealing with memories of abuse can be very painful and difficult. At times you may feel like you are reliving the abuse. If your memories are flooding back and you feel like you are re-experiencing the abuse, you may feel like you are going crazy and want to die. You will probably want to isolate yourself and not talk to anyone. It is during this time that you need to reach out to someone, especially if you have thoughts of harming yourself or if you are suicidal. It could be a family member, friend, therapist, clergyman, or anyone that you trust. It is better to have someone to talk to and help your through it, rather than having to experience the feelings, emotions and pain all alone. Having someone to turn to and support you will help you feel less alone and make the difficult times a little easier to get through.

Your eating disorder may have helped you block out the feelings for a while, but it is a very destructive way of coping. It will never make the memories disappear permanently. Working with a qualified professional can help you come to terms with the abuse and can help you to heal the child inside of you who has been hurting for far too long. There are two things I would like all survivors’ of abuse to remember. First, it was not your fault, you did nothing wrong and you did not deserve it. Second, you do not have to keep secrets anymore because it really is okay to talk about it.

Emotional Abuse

Physical Abuse

Sexual Abuse