Soldier By Eminem hits the PA and none other than Soldier hits the Set. He has a mic in hand and is rapping right along with the song. He looks out to all of the fans as they are on their feet in ovastion. He runs down to the ring and goes up to J.R. and King.
J.R.: Well it looks like we have some company.
King: All right I love company!
J.R.: Yes it's a newcomer Soldier.
Soldier comes up wearing a pink adidas cap backwards. He takes it off and throws it to the crowd. He sees J.R.'s hat and takes it and puts it on his head and joins them on commentary for a while.
Soldier: YEEEEHAW RIDE 'EM COWBOY RIGHT JIMMY! YE ALL OKLAHOMANS SURE DO LIEK THESE COWBOY HATS HER HER!
King: Ha Ha hey J.R. he's a natural.
J.R.: I don't find anything funny about this.
Soldier: O JIMMY JIMMY JIMMY CALM DOWN BUDDY EASY THERE PARTNER. TO MAKE IT UP TO YE I TAKE YE SQUARE DANCIN TONIGHT. WE FIND SOME PRETTY GIRLS, WITH BIG HOOTERS AND DRINK BEER. LOTS AND LOTS OF BEER WOOOHOO!
J.R.: No thank you I'm a happily married man.
Soldier: MARRIAGE? ALBEE DAMN OUR OLD PAL JIMYM IS MARRIED, YE KNOW WHAT JIM JIM ME AND JERRY HERE ARE GONNA THROW A PARTY FOR YE! WE GONNA GET YE A NICE SHOWER. YE BEEN ON YOUR HONEYMOON YET?
J.R.: Yes 10 years ago infact.
Soldier: WELL I'LL BE YOU 2 KIDS ER NUTS OVER EACH OTHER..COURSE SOME HAVE MORE NUTS THAN OTHERS..YEEHAW!
Soldier prances around the ring as if he was riding a horse and comes back to J.R. and king. This time he aims for King.
King: This guy is great J.R.
Soldier takes kings Crown and puts J.R.'s cowboy hat on him.
Soldier: Excuse me yeeeeeour hiness..but I'll be boning your daughter AKA the pincesss tonight.
King: WHAT?!
J.R.: Ah ha ha your right King this guy is great.
Soldier: Yes that's right sssssir. And to show how much I appreciate her on behalf of the rrrroyal family..I will do her doggy style for you your hiness.
Soldier bows in front of King as the crowd just laughs.
King: HEY DON'T BE TALKING BOUT MY DAUGHTER PUNK!
Soldier: My apoligies sire. Perhaps I' shall bone the king instead no?
King gets a pissed off look on his face while Soldier just steps back an dgets the ovastion from the crowd. Soldier then drops the act and becomes his natural self.
Soldier: Man look at King Arthur and Wild Bill ye 2 silly fucks. You aint fit to run this announcement table bitch. Tell ya what J.R. you head back to oklahoma and have yourself a BBQ ribe ating contest, while The royal King here goes home to have a cup a tee with the fuckin family.
Soldier then give sthe finger to both of them and gets in the ring.
Soldier: The FUCK is up with this joint!
The crowd gives a roaring ovastion for there newfound favoritte superstar. They are loving this guy more and more not only was he obviouslly a good trash talker but he was funny too.
Soldier: Ya all think it's ABOUT TIME THE MO FUCKIN SOLDIER SHOWED UP HUH!? WELL I'MA FUCKIN HERE QUEERS. STRONGER QUICKER FASTER AND DOPE WITTED AS EVER!..My style will be take names in the morning, WHIP ASS IN THE EVENING...I'MA PISTOL WHIPPIN MOTHER FUCKIN BOUNCIN SIX TWO. Now we got a lot of college queers in the house tonight so you don't understand my language. Ya'll speak what I call the E=MC SQUARED LANGUAGE..Soldier then heads backstage mic still in hand when he runs into Randy Orton.
Soldier: Oh..Oh look at this..God's gift to women right.
Orton smiles all coky
Randy: Damn straight.
Soldier:...I say your gods gift to a straight up queer. Look at your scrawny ass.
Soldier grabs a piece of meat on Randy arm flopping it.
Soldier: And you are supposed to be the youngest world champ ever?..Get outta here ya silly 2 buck fuck.
Randy looks shocked and embarrassed as Soldier keeps walking along backstage mic in hand. He next runs into Carlito.
Soldier: Oh..Oh what we got here.
Carlito:..The coolest Cat of them all...Carlito Cool.
Soldier: Cool..you think your cool..I've seen Ovens cooler than you.
Carlito shoots Soldier an ockward glance.
Soldier: How can you be cool with that wacked up 70's hairstyle C?...In case you haven't noticed..Your carribean not black ya stupid fuck.
Carlito mess's around with his hair as he too is embarassed by what Soldier has said...
Soldier keeps walking when he sees a fine piece of ass standing right in front of him with her back turned towards him.
Soldier: DAMN..
The girl turns around.
Soldier: NOW YOU ARE ONE FINE PIECE OF ASS LITTLE LADY..
The girl turns out to be the young Exhibitonist Kelly.
Soldier reaches in his pocket and pulls out a card with his number on it.
Soldier: So uh.do me a favor..go out to the club with some friends..get a couple shots in ya..make sure your completely wasted..and then call me and we'll do business....Nah I'm just kidding keep the card though and call me anytime..It's always pleasure to help out a piece of ass...
Soldier thinks to himself..An ass..helping out an ass..he liked it. Yet he kept walking when he ran into?...
TBC BY ANYONE NO ATTACKS