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An elderly gentleman...
had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!" |
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An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... The one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?" |
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Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything wh ile I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
"Where's my toast ?"
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senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
"So I hear you're getting married?"
"Yep!"
"Do I know her?"
"Nope!"
"This woman, is she good looking?"
"Not really."
"Is she a good cook?"
"Naw, she can't cook too well."
"Does she have lots of money?"
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
"Well, then, is she good in bed?"
"I don't know."
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
"Because she can still drive!" all above are snagged from DIVEM, I know its naughty but they're funny! |
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A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other
monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from
the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question
this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first
copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in
all of the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries,
but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery
where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked
vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go
by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him
banging his head against the wall and wailing,
"We missed the "R" ! , we missed the "R" !" His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying
uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?" With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was...
CELEBRATE!!!"
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| | (1 recommendation so far) | Message 6 of 7 in Discussion |
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I hate hoax warnings but this one is important . . . If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your butt . . . DO NOT show him your butt. This is a SCAM!!!!!!! He only wants to see your butt. I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap!! |
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A farmer goes to town and buys twenty pigs. When he gets back home he realizes that all the pigs are female. So he calls a farmer friend and ask if he can bring these 20 pigs over to breed them with some of his male pigs. He says "Sure bring um over. "So he loads them in the back of the truck and hauls them over there. As they are standing there watch the pigs the farmer asks his friend "Now tell me, how will I know if we did any good here?" He says" Get up first thing in the morning and see what the pigs are doing. If they are grazing, which is something pigs never do, they're pregnant." So at the end of the day the Farmer loads them in the back of the truck and takes them back home.
The next morning he gets up and looks out the window and the pigs aren't grazing. So he calls up his friend and ask if he can bring the pigs back over. He says "Sure bring them over. " So the farmer loads them in the back of his truck and drives them back over there, leaves them there all day, loads them in the back of the truck and brings them back home.
The next morning he gets up and looks out the window and sees that the pigs are just walking around. So he calls up his friend "Can I bring them over one more time and try again?" Sure no problem he says. So the farmer loads them in the back of the truck, drives them over there, leaves them all day long, loads them back in the truck and drives them back home.
The next morning he tells his wife "I can't stand it, would you look out the window and see what the pigs are doing?"
She says,"Well they're not grazing, but 19 are in the back of the truck and one is honking the horn!! |
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