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The number of members that recommended this message. 0 recommendations  Message 1 of 15 in Discussion 
  (Original Message)Sent: 4/14/2007 7:36 PM
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From: MSN Nicknamedizzy520Sent: 5/29/2007 9:23 PM

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From: MSN Nicknamedizzy520Sent: 5/29/2007 9:29 PM

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 Message 12 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamedizzy520Sent: 11/25/2007 9:28 AM
Holiday Fruitcake Recipe

 1 C Water
 1 C Sugar
 4 Large eggs
 3 C dried fruit
 1 tsp. baking soda
 1 tsp. salt
 1 C Brown sugar
 Lemon juice, nuts
 1 FULL bottle of your favorite whiskey

 Sample the whiskey to check for quality. 
Take out a large bowl. 
Check  the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality. 
Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat. 
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 C of butter in a large fluffy bowl. 
Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again. 
Make sure the whiskey is still OK. 
Cry another cup. Turn off the mixer. 
Break two geggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. 
Mix on the burner.
If the fried fruit gets stuck in the beaters, 
pry it loose with a screwdriver.
 Sample the whiskey to check for toxisisticity. 
Next, sift 2 cups of salt.
 Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey. 
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. 
Add one tablespoon of sugar or something...whatever you can find. 
Grease the oven. Turn on the cake tin to 350 degrees.
 Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whiskey again. Go to bed. 
Who the hell likes fruit cake anyway???


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(1 recommendation so far) Message 13 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamedizzy520Sent: 1/5/2008 9:03 PM
A couple in Sweetwater , Texas,  had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream! The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.


His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance..


The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.


About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbour man.

He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.


But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa. The neighbour man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbour's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbour lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.


By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbour and his sobbing wife.


The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it.

He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.


Meanwhile, the burning drapes, were seen by the neighbours who called the fire department.

The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street.

The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).


Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world.


A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night.  The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.


That's when he shot her.
 


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 Message 14 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamedizzy520Sent: 1/5/2008 9:05 PM
2 Tough Questions
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who
were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had
syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?





Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.





Question 2:
It is time to elect a new
world leader, and only your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three candidates. Who would you vote for?


Candidate A.

Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist.
He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.


Candidate B.

He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in
college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.


Candidate C

He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an

occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.


Which of these candidates would be our choice?



Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.












Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.








And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:

If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.










Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.


Wait till you see the end of this note! Keep reading..









Never be afraid to try something new.



Remember:

Amateurs...built the ark.
Professionals...built the Titanic









And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more
than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse

* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...





Can you guess which organization this is?














Give up yet?











It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.

The same group that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to
keep the rest of us in line.





You gotta pass this on....2 TOUGH QUESTIONS

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 Message 15 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamedizzy520Sent: 1/12/2008 8:11 PM
Body: CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.

She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick," and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it.."

"CASE DISMISSED!!"

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