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General : my MIL will be the death of me- or at least Loki's manners- rant
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 Message 1 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekarmel3  (Original Message)Sent: 1/3/2009 2:30 AM
So we spent Christmas with my inlaws.  I love them dearly they are wonderful people and adore Loki to no end.  I think though almost too much as my MIL likes to feed Loki whatever she is eating and right from her plate.  We are "grazers" for lack of a better term- my inlaws spend hours making little appetizer type snacks for Christmas eve so we can kind of sit around and well.....graze.  Well sitting on the couch was once easy however, now Loki is all up in my face thinking he is going to get a little something.  She has single handedly destroyed all of his training in two days and I am at my wits end. 
Asking her not to feed him offends her or she will more or less tell me to "get bent" and tell me it's her grand puppy and she will feed him if she wants.  What he was getting was nothing bad, he had some carrots, some homemade meatballs and some pita.  I wouldn't mind if she gave it to him like he was getting a cookie or a treat but it's right from her plate where she is sitting.
OH then at dinner he has his face all up on the table and both my inlaws were getting annoyed.  I didn't say a word to correct him, I looked at my OH and he finally said "that is why we don't feed him while we are eating, it's not so cute now is it?"
Should I lie to her and tell her he has GI issues and get's the runs from people food?  It seems like it would be the only thing to make her stop.  I don't know what to do.  I thought maybe his dinner antics would have curbed the issue but alas no.  Any suggestions?


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 Message 2 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MitchSent: 1/3/2009 4:15 AM
If it were me, I'd  put my foot down.  I tell people point blank, my dogs weigh in excess of 150 pounds, bad manners on them is not just annoying, but also can be dangerous.  My dogs don't do well with people food & get diarrhea & gas, so if they want to feed them they better stay around for the constant outtings & clean up
 
If you're planning on having children some day, getting a handle on your MIL now will help in that regard too.

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 Message 3 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamenédacronkSent: 1/3/2009 4:54 AM
We had the same issue with my daughter. She has 2 yorkies and feeds them from the table. She thought it would be fine to do the same with Jack. It made her feel bad when I asked her to stop. She thought she was doing a good thing. I explained to her that giving Jack table scraps was fine, as long as she didn't do it from her plate or at the dinner table. I told her I knew how much she loved Jack and I understood that she only wanted to include him, however it was better for him to do it elsewhere, as most people don't want a 160 pound dog in their face. And did she want other people getting upset with Jack and making him feel bad by scolding him, because of something she had taught him? She, thankfully, understood and it is no longer an issue. *We had this chat privately, as to not embarrass her in front of people, and not giving either of us the power trip ("her grand puppy and she will feed him if she wants") and before the next party*
 
Good luck.. Just hold your ground. Don't get too annoyed.. She only does it because she loves Loki!
 
~Neda~

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 Message 4 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameDangerousGuardianDragonSent: 1/3/2009 1:11 PM
Proper manners with any dog are mandatory!  When it comes to your dog people should respect your wishes regarding whether they may give him table food.  You should not have to make any excuses........  Especially with family members.
 
Our dogs are taught from day one to go into a down position while we are eating.  That is where they stay and when we are done the dishes are picked up........no table scraps.  They are also praised and rewarded for their good behavior after everything is cleared away.
 
They do check the floor to see if anyone dropped something that we have missed......but usually are very disappointed to find that Mom & Dad cleaned quite well before they were released.
 
Dragon

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 Message 5 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MitchSent: 1/4/2009 3:04 AM
Many years ago (thanks for the memory, LOL), my MIL had been told repeatedly we didn't give our kids junk food of any kind, only natural sugars.  She kept telling me I was wrong and mean, blah blah etc.  One day she babysat and I came to pick him up & she proudly told me she gave my son 2 doughnuts (sp?) as he was speeding around the house, obviously wired from it.  I said fine I'd be back in a few hours when he stopped bouncing off the walls & left.  She never ignored my wishes again.  3 hours with a 5 year old kid running helter skelter, wore her down nicely.
 
God I hated that woman......

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 Message 6 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBarrettsmyboySent: 1/4/2009 6:54 AM
Like everyone else said, you really need to just step in and make her understand that No means no! Yes, she may be "grandma" and that may give her SOME special priviliges to spoil him, but that does not give her permission to ignore your wishes! She wouldn't teach your kids to color on the walls with markers, she's doing pretty much the same thing by teaching Loki to eat off plates and beg. There is a HUGE difference between spoiling and teaching bad manners. You need to just come right out and tell her that if she is going to give him anything it needs to be done in his bowl or after he has done something to earn it  and not in a way that encourages bad habits. Also tell her that Loki will have to be locked in a bedroom while there is food out or left at home if she continues to teach him bad manners. Hopefully the threat of not being able to see him will be enough to get her to quit feeding him!

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 Message 7 of 12 in Discussion 
From: highsierraSent: 1/4/2009 8:05 PM
Yes I can tell you from experience it's a bad habit.  I do give Modoc a bite of whatever I'm having as a snack but it goes to his bowl and he has to sit and stay first.
He's never allowed to bug us while we are eating a meal.  He's got to sit and stay on his pad and watch us eat but the snack habit was a bad one for me to start.
If you don't want to get into a confrontation with her next visit maybe take his pad and put it in another room and just tell her it's part of his training.
Good Luck,
jeri

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 Message 8 of 12 in Discussion 
From: highsierraSent: 1/4/2009 8:07 PM
Oh and Mitch,
I ROFL at your x-MIL's last comment you had, lol,
jeri

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 Message 9 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknamedaisydukedaneSent: 1/4/2009 11:45 PM
Inlaws... don't miss them that's for sure.   I had a similiar issue with my brother on Christmas Eve with Hallie.  He wanted to give her ham.   I told him that she is absolutely not allowed to have any snacks or else I would spend my entire Christmas Eve fighting her off the food tables set up all over the place.  Not to mention, she could easily fill the room with a horrible stench from ham farts.    He did back off.   That stinks with your MIL in law.  But stand your ground and make sure she knows you are serious about rules.  It might serve you well when you have skin children.  Oh Lord...grandbabies.. that is just a whole another issue with MILs.  You might as well get practice now.   Mitch, you cracked me up with your MIL comment.   I felt just the same way too about my ex MIL
 
Jennifer

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 Message 10 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MitchSent: 1/5/2009 12:47 AM
I could have written a book........
 
 

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 Message 11 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekarmel3Sent: 1/5/2009 9:08 PM
Thanks so much everyone for your support and understanding.  We have spent the past 2 weeks reminding Loki that he is back home now and his behavior simply will not be tollerated- it is working slowly however, he has now developed this whining business that is new and will also not be tollerated.
I have damn good reason to put my foot down now!  2 weeks of retraining because of 3 days holidays is just a little out of hand.  I won't invlole the OH at all as he is a bit of a puss when it comes to his mother.  I know she loves him but it's not like I can verbally reason with him and tell him that only happens at grandmas.  She needs to understand that  that's the way it is or we won't be visitng anymore.  Thanks again.  Mel.

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 Message 12 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamedpuplov2Sent: 1/9/2009 6:54 PM
I am grateful that I don't have that problem with mil.  Mine is deathly afraid of any dog......  Through 18 years of marriage, and 4 dogs, my mil has only been IN my house twice.  She will sit in her van and talk to us, but if we have Merc outside, the door gets closed.  I was hurt at first, but then realized that I never have to worry about my house being dirty and having her just pop in.  My fil is fine with the dogs. 
 
Who could ask for anything more from a MIL? LoL
Deb

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