mickey1

 

Liar Liar Pants of Ganga on Fire anyone who's missed it here is link

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=1106 its on the reference forum if link doesn't work

Astro's stories about the sweaty, swarthy men converging on Portimao to audition for the movie and the moustaches one

BREAKING NEWS

All entries into the city of Portimao blocked

It has been reported this morning that all entries into the city of Portimao, where formerly the Criminal Investigation Department of the Policia Judiciaria was located, have been blocked. This action was decided by Portimao's Mayor, who was the first person to receive a warning that thousands of Portuguese men were about to invade the city. These masses had been spotted at approximately 10.20 a.m., and were only yards away from the city's main access roads. Our correspondent in the Algarve was able to report that these men were all overweight, sweaty and open-shirted. They are reportedly 'en route' for a casting that is being held this afternoon in Portimao, to choose the best Goncalo Amaral look-a-like, following rumours that a movie about the McCann case was in preparations.

It is yet unclear whether the candidates will arrive at the casting session on schedule. The session is to be held at 3 p.m., but our reporter was able to confirm that the hordes of swarthy men have now stopped for lunch, and are not expected to be seen outside of their restaurants of choice before 4 p.m., at best. Trucks have been seen unloading cases of wine and whisky in great numbers outside the restaurants, leaving the rest of the Algarve with only a choice of Diet Coke or Orange Fanta for the rest of the day.

The media firm that is responsible for the casting is aware of the huge number of candidates, and stated that "this comes as no surprise; Mr Amaral is a national hero for speaking out against the British imperialists", adding that the fact that his physical attributes are rather common among Portuguese men, prompted thousands to try their luck this afternoon.
The McCanns' spokesman, Mr Pitchall, declined to comment, as he has been having his own fun over other casting possibilities.
Meanwhile, many of the former PJ officers, who have been rendered jobless after the entire police force closed shop last month, have been applying for roles in the upcoming movie, as well. They have been seen boarding EasyJet flights to London, in an attempt to secure their parts as Moroccan childsnatchers, which reportedly are portrayed under a better light than the actual PJ officers. Paulo Rebelo, the last case coordinator, hopes to be cast as Eddie, the cadaver dog, after he was turned down for the role of the missing child's mother, because he reportedly "looks too maternal" to play the prominent part.


Barber shops in the Algarve flooded - hairstylists working 24-hour shifts

Barber shops all over the Algarve have been flooded with customers, who are seeking a 'cleaner' look in order to avoid being named by the McCanns' most recent campaign action. Following the release of a sketch of a suspect in the abduction of Madeleine McCann, last Sunday, by Mr Hitchall, the McCanns' spokesman, Portuguese men all over the Algarve have literally invaded local barber shops, in order to remove any facial hair, and to cut their hair in what can only be described as the New Marine Look. These men fear being mistaken for the individual who is already widely known as 'Toothman', and having their lives ruined by the McCanns' private detectives.

"We are hardly coping", Mr Antonio Pereira, at the Barbearia Ideal, said, adding that he has customers waiting in line outside of his barber shop, since Monday morning. "One of my employees had to be taken away to hospital because of exhaustion. And we have an ecological problem with the tons of hair that we need to dump in the bins", Mr Pereira stated.

The problem of the disposal of tons of human hair was being adressed yesterday by the Minister for the Environment, who called for an emergency meeting in his cabinet this morning. The most recent news indicate that this hair will be packed into containers and shipped to Rothley. "We are considering the possibility of offering the hair and moustaches to the McCann campaign. We think they might be interested in having the hair analyzed for DNA. Who knows what they could find?", an unnamed judicial source confided early this afternoon.

The Movement for the Preservation of Portuguese Traditions is planning a demonstration that will take place outside of the British Embassy later today. Anabela Gomes, the leader of the movement, was outraged about the situation. "Our traditions are being seriously endangered! What will Portuguese men look like, without their moustaches? Do we want our men to look like Mr Pitchall? Wearing pink shirts and pretending they are policemen? I thought the Village People were finished, it seems I was wrong", Miss Gomes stated.

There was no reaction from the extinct Policia Judiciaria to these events. The former agents have been recruited by Metodo 3 in large numbers, as many of them wear a moustache. The most recent informations point to the possibility that several former officers were asked to let their hair grow, and have been sent to Morocco on a secret mission.