GUN DOG: A cute little lap dog that you use to distract your wife’s attention whenever you enter Cabela’s.

ELEPHANT GUN: A large firearm that requires the whole of your trunk.

DUCK GUN: Any gun that you immediately hide whenever your wife approaches.

DOUBLE-RIFLE: A loophole designed to circumvent your wife’s order that “You are not going to buy a rifle!”

CONCEALED-CARRY WEAPON: A small firearm that you are embarrassed to show in public.

SINGLE-SHOT: What you gulp whenever your wife opens your VISA bill.

BLANK: Your state of mind whenever your wife reads your VISA bill.

DOGGING: What you know is coming after your wife sets down your VISA bill.

BLIND: A small, unobservable hunting structure utilized by those smart enough to avoid dogging.

SAFARI: A long trip planned for whenever your VISA bill is just too big to utilize a blind.

BRADY GUN BAN: A common typo. Is supposed to be Brady’s Fun Band (from the 1960’s hit show).

SCOPE: Something your buddies must have before they share your blind or ride within your vehicle. Especially if they have been eating onions, garlic, or haven’t flossed in weeks.

DEER: Term used to calm your wife down.

SILENCER: Tylenol PM^® given to children during long daytime drives by those who can't afford in-vehicle DVD players.

SHOT IN SELF-DEFENSE: Term used to describe why there’s a body in your house.

CARRYABLE: Term invented to tell your friends how the body got into your house from wherever they were shot.

AIR RIFLE: Weapon used to deal with those who insist on playing ‘air guitar.’

MUZZLE BRAKE: What your fist does to those who badmouth your fellow gun owners.

I hope that these terms are technically accurate. Lord knows that I wouldn’t want to lead anyone astray.

Have a great weekend!