You Might Be a Pagan If...

...someone asks for change for a dollar, and you call quarters.

...you're on Pat Robertson's "worry list".

...you're 20 minutes late... for everything.

...you boast about the size of your athame.

...you get sunburned in "odd" places.

...you can't keep your phone bill paid, but you own every Llewellyn book in print.

...you can pronounce "athame" and generally correct those who can't.

...you're giving directions, and you say, "Turn widdershins onto Marginal Way..."

...you accidentally endorse your check with your Craft name.

...your kids and pets are all named after stones, herbs, elements, or deities.

...a cop searches your vehicle and you have to talk him out of busting you for possession of mugwort.

...you call 1-900 psychic lines and do a reading for them!

...you're going hungry, but dammit, you've got the finest crystal ball in town.

...you have a kitchen cupboard designated just for candles.

...you accidentally refer to the basketball team as the Boston "Keltics."

...you drop something on your foot and scream, "Oh Goddessdammit!"

...during an orgasm, you start to do a Goddess chant.

...you still can't decide which shade of black is "your colour".

...you make money the old fashioned way - a green candle, some bayberry oil...

...you read Starhawk for entertainment.

...you read Buckland for laughs.

...your idea of a beach book is Drawing Down the Moon.

...you play "Go Fish" with Tarot cards.

...you bought a Dodge because the emblem looks like a pentacle.

...you thought The Wicker Man was a documentary.

...you knew The Craft was not.

...you do your Christmas shopping in Salem.

...you celebrate the New Year at Halloween.

...you can tell when the moon is full without looking.

...your pharmacopoeia resembles the Frugal Gourmet's spice rack.

...your idea of a pick-up line is, "Hey, nice Athame."

...there is an over-abundance of ravens around your home.

...you can walk through the woods and resemble a Disney movie.

...dancing, chanting, and drumming in the woods doesn't sound strange to you.

...dancing, chanting, and drumming in the woods is, in fact, something you regularly do..

...you have to bite your tongue when someone says, "Hey, you only go around once!"

...your grade-schooler is sent home for fighting... about theology.

...your idea of fun is telling some poor schmuck all about his rune pendant when he honestly has no idea. ("Uh, my girlfriend gave it to me. I just wear it to be nice. Yeah").

...you're sworn in in court, you bring your own grimoire.

...you've been seen talking to cats. They talk back. You understand what they're saying.

...when asked if you believe in God, you ask, "Which one?"

...you know what "widdershins" means.

...you have an entire spice cabinet and you don't cook.

...you know that laurel and bay leaves are the same thing.

...you have a frequent buyer card at the local antique bookstore. The proprietor of said bookstore picks out anything to do with the Celts and saves it for you.

...you think Mercedes Lackey should be a cultural icon.

...you know that there are exceptions to the laws of physics. You've caused them.

...the first thing your guests say is, "My, that's a nice...altar...you have there."

...on Halloween, you yell "Happy New Year!" at passers-by.

...you know that Christmas trees were originally pagan symbols. That's why you bought one.

...you have friends who say they are elves. You believe them.

...you commit blasphemy in the plural.

...upon dying, your first thought is, "Darn it, not AGAIN."

...when you say "Mother Nature," you don't mean it in an anthropomorphic way.

...you know that Gaia is NOT the lady on Captain Planet.

...you think The Mists of Avalon should be a religious text. You use it as such.

...in Religion 100, you were disappointed because they didn't cover YOUR gods.

...you know that there is a right way and a wrong way to draw a pentacle. You can explain the difference.

...you've spent the last year and a half looking for a familiar.

...you talk to trees. They talk back.

...you know dragons and fae exist. You've seen them.

...you've seen "The Craft." You know where they were making stuff up in "The Craft." You have explained this to other people. You can do it better than they did it in "The Craft."

...you understand the symbolism behind a maypole.

...you've ever ended a phone call with "so mote it be."

...your children go around telling people that "the Goddess loves you."

...you find a cat hair in your pot luck plate, but instead of freaking you simply smile, secure in the knowledge that it was home-made..

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