Far from being "just" a question goddess, and far from being something foreign to submissives, what you describe is the very essence of some submissives; clearly you are one of them.  I doubt there is anyone that can completely articulate exactly how it manifests itself in everyday behavior, but the subtleties and desire to serve and please go on endlessly.  When the dominant stimulus is absent from the dynamics of our lives, the essence of who you are doesn't disappear.  It only becomes a bit more difficult to articulate the ways in which you may want to demonstrate to others not necessarily verse and chapter with that side of who you are as a person.  There is little doubt that satisfaction can be derived from your everyday interactions when you know that the little things you do are of such a special nature, even if you are the only one that understands the significance.  But, as has been said, it isn't all the way as satisfying as it would be if the person before you also understood the reasons you might like the service to be from your knees.  But, you know what?  Patience is one of those virtues especially bestowed on the submissive spirit, even if at times it feels like patience is the least of your virtues.

What I do is take a deep breath and simply feel content; content that I know who I am and what it means; content that there are those in my circle of friends that DO understand; content that there is enough learning to keep me busy even without the big bad presence of a dominant directing traffic in my life; and content that with what patience I learn from these times of solitude will be put to such wonderful practical use when again I'm with someone that it's all well and good, even if it doesn't feel all well and good at the time.  Structure in your life is not wholly the domain of what only others can offer you.  You are the most likely to author a set of behaviors that will enhance what another can offer you when the time is nigh, and this behavior will be recognizable to the discerning eye for exactly what it is.  The payoff for patience is huge.

I've read about and think it's true that there is this phenom called 'submissive frenzy'.  I'm not completely clear in my mind whether it's simply a response to sexuality tied to the terms of how dominance makes a submissive feel, or if it's deep rooted in the psyche of a submissive character.  Either way it's not something that has to take over in any sense.  I do believe however, it's what leads a less initiated submissive down some wrong paths at times, and can initiate a state of vulnerability that has to be recognized for what it is before anything constructive can be done to thwart a process of self-destructive behavior that substitutes for believing with all ones heart that they in fact are on right paths.  Such is the venue of the complexity of dominance and submission.  Each understanding of the little kinks in the paths of the submissive character helps towards understanding the nature of the "gentle" beast.

As with anything, when you take something vital away from what you have come to rely on it must be replaced in some sense or there is created a void in its place.  Take this time between meaningful connections with dominant influences in your life and use it as a time of introspective thought, and build a more solid core.  There is never enough time in life to reflect on those things that truly touch us.  Take this time and think of it as a gift.  You already, so much more than many, have a knowledge base and head start about who you are as a person.  It's a wonderful vantage point on which to look back and reflect.

What I've learned from what you have written and realize is that those blinding lights of first discovery don't have an end, and thank goodness they don't.  They are the glue that holds the community of dominance and submission together, and are what propels each towards greater self discovery, and so in that light thank you very much for your questions.

 

 

annie