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| To lighten the mood, and also prepare for my night with Coco :) |
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| From: Conrad (Original Message) | Sent: 2/10/2006 1:47 PM | One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"<O:P></O:P> "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "<ST1:PLACE u1:st="on"><ST1:PLACETYPE u1:st="on">University</ST1:PLACETYPE> of <ST1:PLACENAME u1:st="on">Oklahoma</ST1:PLACENAME></ST1:PLACE>."<O:P></O:P> And they say blondes are dumb...<O:P></O:P>
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" <O:P></O:P>
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.<O:P></O:P>
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.<O:P></O:P>
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.<O:P></O:P> The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!<O:P></O:P>
A PRAYER.... <O:P></O:P>
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
<O:P></O:P> Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.<O:P></O:P>
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
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Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Lousy bastards! |
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Haha - lmao at you guys! I think men are great.....as long as I don't have to get 'involved' with them. |
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I think men are great.....as long as I don't have to get 'involved' with them. LOL! I know there's no way I could live without mine!  I've just got to laugh at some of his more frustrating habits!  |
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The worst thing for me is the snoring. I've never heard anything like it before in my life. Thank God he works 3rd shift. Other than that, the only thing that drives me nuts for some reason, is when he asks me to get him a cup of coffee. I don't know why that bothers me so much. I always tell him that his legs aren't broken, get up off your ass and get it yourself. |
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It doesn't bother me to get him something like a coke or plate of food or anything - cuz I know he'd do the same for me- he does it all the time. The times he gets on my nerves are when he thinks whatever he wants/needs is more important than what I want/need. Mine snores too - but all I have to do is shake the bed or physically turn him over - and he stops! |
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Oh, Zel, I wish that's all I could do. He has some serious problems or something. He snores while inhaling and exhaling, and it's soooo loud. I can hear it over the TV in the livingroom sometimes, and he's in the bedroom with the door shut. I roll him over, push, give him a little kick, and it stops for maybe 2 or 3 breaths. And I really don't know why the coffee thing bothers me so much, I mean, food, ya, no problem, I bring him his plate, I don't know, weird. Must be a pet peeve I have *shrug* Other than that, I have no complaints. We both have so much in common and enjoy doing the same things. |
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breeze, seriously, that extent of snoring isn't a healthy thing at all. He really ought to see a doctor about that one. And they also have those snore strips you know, lol. But really, I remember reading something a couple years back (haha, could've been 10 years with my sense of time) that addressed that issue - super-heavy-duty snoring like that it indicative of something...respiratory probs? Heart probs? I forget...but he ought to get it checked out. |
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I know  He tried the spray stuff once, it worked pretty good, but he said it gave him a sore throat. The strips didn't help at all. |
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men. Breeze, I hear ya on the snoring. KPH snores too. When his cousin sleeps over, he snores even louder. I'm like, what the hell? Anyways, I have trained myself to sleep with my head sandwiched between two pillows to block out the noise. This pretty much will work for me. It's nice & quiet when you are holding pillows over your head on both sides. |
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I know snoring and sleep apnea (excuse the spelling) sometimes go hand and hand....maybe he needs to check this out. |
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Sleep apnea - I think that was it, Dede! I think that was the report I read/heard about, that heavy snoring is related to sleep apnea and that can be really dangerous, cuz the body just stops breathing for a moment then - hopefully - starts up again! |
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I was tested for it last year. Your body actually can stop breathing for much longer than a moment. It can be for over a minute if I'm remembering correctly. It does serious damage to your heart. Breeze, tell that man to get his azztrick to a sleep doc pronto! ~M |
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