Hello Ryan,

 

Joel is tied up with a large new clinic and in that the "aaah" sensation materials at WhyQuit were likely written by me, Joel has asked that I respond.   Most important, Ryan, if you think you may suffer from depression we strongly encourage you to get seen and evaluated by a physician skilled at treating it.  There are more than 30 depression medications available and unlike nicotine none are highly addictive and none more toxic than diamond back rattlesnake venom (see Nicotine 166 Times More Deadly than Caffeine? ). 

 

Ryan, complacency has set it and you've likely forgotten the price paid during recovery, in bringing you to a time and place where you may go entire days without once thinking about wanting to smoke nicotine.  But just one powerful puff and those days are over as you will find yourself thinking about needing or wanting to smoke multiple times each and every day, and paying dearly for it in terms of physical health, mental health, stigma, out of pocket expense and life expectancy.

 

Yes, instead of using depression medications we can use external chemicals like heroin, cocaine or nicotine to steal dopamine which, for the addict, will again quickly bury them beneath a pile of drug induced dopamine pathway "pay attention" memories, the most high definition type of memories the mind appears capable of generating.  We think of most memory disorders as involving memory failure.  Nicotine dependency is associated with remembering too well, an inability to forget.  But it's selective memory, memory that remembers the highs while suppressing the lows.  

 

Ryan, relapse will not match any remaining nicotine induced dopamine "aaah" memories that may remain.  While still hooked on nicotine the amount remaining in our bloodstream was cut by about half every two hours (nicotine's half-life).  When reflecting on words like "like" or "love" we really had no choice.  We either had to engage in replenishment or sense the onset of early withdrawal.  

 

The reason relapse will not match any old nicotine "aaah" memory is that those memories belonged to an actively feeding drug addict.  Nothing is missing and nothing needs replacing.  Your brain has been fully re-sensitized.  It's likely that relapse would be closer to what you experienced when you smoked your first cigarette ever, with your lungs and body rebelling.  But after that first cigarette it may not be long before the "aaahs" are back as toxin damaged mouth, throat, lung and brain tissues become numb to the assaults, the brain fights back via tolerance (brain neuronal de-sensitization) and constantly falling blood serum nicotine levels combine to make replenishment memorable.

 

As Joel likes to put it, it isn't that smokers around us necessarily "like" smoking so much as they don't like what happens when they don't smoke.  If replenishment is mandatory and we again quickly find ourselves a chemical slave to it, what does "like" have to do with anything as our choice has been narrowed to one. 

 

Also keep in mind that for every high there is a corresponding low.  Although as active nicotine addicts we were quick to replenish so as not to allow the low to get too low I'm sure you recall having waited too long between feedings and sensed the onset of anxieties and that depressed feeling.  Remember those "I NEED A SMOKE NOW!!!!!" times?  "WHERE ARE MY CIGARETTES!!!!!!!"

 

But, you are right, relapse is always an option for all ex-smokers.  But while considering it we encourage you to dig deep and recall all that comes with it.  It isn't honest to see ourself smoking just one now and then or having an occasional feeding but all of them, the complete package, and all that comes with it. 

 

Again, Ryan, we encourage you to get seen and treated as early dementia is not the answer for possible depression.  Recent studies show that nicotine may actually destroy brain gray matter and  generate chronic depression.  If so, why would we want to go deeper with less?

 

Staying on this side of the bars while keeping our now arrested dependency on the other may at times involve a need to renew our once strong personal commitment to freedom.  I encourage you to watch and study the smokers you see smoking carefully, Ryan.  Far from like or love, it's likely that they don't even realize they smoking as most nicotine is smoked while on auto pilot.  If they do look intense in sucking it down it's probable that you are seeing someone who has waited too long between feedings.  They are not smoking to tease us.  They do so because they must. 

 

Also watch the smoker smoking while drinking or stressed.  Both activities are acid producing events within the body that neutralize reserves of the alkaloid nicotine.  The stressed smoker cannot address the underlying stressful event until they pull themselves back from early withdrawal and allow themselves time to calm.  The more the drinking smoker drinks the more they'll find themselves smoking.  It isn't a matter of "like" or "love"but the same basic chemical pH interactions as seen when putting lime or acid heavy fertilizers in the yard, or a wet baking soda solution on an acid covered car battery terminal. 

 

Remember, there's still just one guiding principle determining the outcome for all ... no nicotine today,  Never Take Another Puff, Dip or Chew!

 

John

 

John R. Polito
Nicotine Cessation Educator