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General : How to help another person to quit smoking.  
     
Reply
 Message 1 of 6 in Discussion 
From: Joel  (Original Message)Sent: 12/13/2005 6:00 PM
Hi Joel,
 
I found this email address on your website, which is one of the best smoking cessation sites I've seen.  My mother-in-law is now at the National Jewish Lung clinic in Denver where she went due to a supposed Nocardia infection of the lungs.  She is a lifelong smoker and tends to find 'something' else is causing her problems but she will not admit that it is all due to smoking and will make no attempt to quit.  She was recently told by the Doctors at National Jewish that she has severe emphysema and this was causing her problem - she was told point blank by a team of doctors to quit.  In a familiar response, she does not want to accept this, she does not want to quit, and she is lashing out at everyone who loves and wants to help her.
 
I am writing you for some advise on how to approach this problem.  If we could get her to go, do you know of any good therapists/clinics/etc that deal with smoking cessation in an intense setting (we are in Tampa FL, but she could travel to another location)?  Do you recommend this type of action?  It has almost come to the point of putting her in a 'rehab' type of place.  At this point, the family is willing to try nearly anything to get her to stop. 
 
The ultimate solution to this problem is having her decide to quit on her own.  We all agree that no matter how much we plead, beg, kick, and scream - it is her decision.  At the very least we need some help to convince her to even see a therapist. 
 
Any help, advise, or literature you might be able to send my way would be greatly appreciated.
 
Thank you for your time,
 
Betsy


First  Previous  2-6 of 6  Next  Last 
Reply
 Message 2 of 6 in Discussion 
From: JoelSent: 12/13/2005 6:02 PM
 
Hello Betsy:
 
I wish I had some great inspirational answer for you on how you can get a person who does not want to quit smoking to go for help or even be able to accept help if dragged into it. The truth of the matter is though, you cannot make another person quit smoking. You can possibly make smoking difficult to impossible for some people if they are too infirmed to get cigarettes without outside assistance--but even this solution is likely to be a temporary solution for once the person is out on his or her own again and has the resources, he or she will often go back to smoking.
 
I don't want to make this sound hopeless though. While it is very difficult to get a person to quit who does not want to, there is also the possibility that at some level she does want to quit, but fear of quitting is keeping her from admitting that fact to you or anyone else--including her self. If you can get her to realize that quitting is possible and will result in a better quality of life--you may find out that you are not in the position of trying to get her to do something that she doesn't want to do, but more in the role of an advocate for her to help her to quit smoking because she now want to do it.
 
I am going to attempt to attach a series of links below that address what a person can do and can't do to help another to quit. Hope these articles help.
 
Joel
 

Reply
 Message 3 of 6 in Discussion 
From: JoelSent: 12/13/2005 6:03 PM
Being Locked Up to Quit Smoking 

There are some clinics out there that do basically lock up people to quit smoking. But I wouldn’t put much stock in the technique. When I worked in a hospital setting for over 20 years, we would lock up people all the time and not let people smoke. It was not in our smoking clinic; it was in our intensive care unit. If the conditions were serious enough, we would have people locked up for days and weeks enough.
 
Technically, these people were detoxed from nicotine. Heck, some of them were comatose and never even experienced withdrawal. In theory, this sounds appealing to some smokers. But the reality of the situation is often, in fact maybe more often than not; the first thing these patients would do upon release from the hospital is grab for a cigarette. You see these people never quit smoking. They were smokers who were just not allowed to smoke.

They didn't learn anything about survival in the real world without smoking. They knew how to be fed intravenously, they knew how to use a remote on a television, but that is about it. The urge for a cigarette upon being released was normally incredible. It’s interesting though, there is a real easy way to stop that urge. Just throw them on a gurney, stick an IV in their arm and all of a sudden they don’t need a cigarette. They are doing the one thing they learned to do as an ex-smoker, being a connected patient.

People need to face the real world as quickly as they can to start to break the associations of day to day rituals. Only then will they prove to themselves that there is life after smoking.

There actually was a hospital in the Chicago area that used to have an inpatient unit for smoking cessation. It went under in less than a year of operation. I had three of their patient’s come to my program to quit. Two of them made it while in my clinic. All of them said that they were basically doped up during the hospitalization. I think they were using a drug called clonidine at the time. Powerful antihypertensive that at one time was thought to be helpful. Never met anyone who actually got off smoking using it though. So if you find a program, check out what they do before assuming it’s a good plan.

My basic feeling though is that no one needs to be locked up to quit smoking. People looking to get locked up are looking for an easy way out of a drug addiction. Bottom line is that there is not an easy way out--but there is a way out. It is simply to quit smoking.

Everything you did as a smoker you can still do as an ex-smoker. The problem is that you have to prove this point to yourself. The way to continue to prove this premise is to go on facing your day to day life while making and continuing to stick to a personal commitment to never take another puff!

Joel

Here are a few articles that address the issue of waiting for the right time or looking for an easy method to quit.  

How does your program compare to...

"How does your program compare to hypnosis or acupuncture?" "Do you know anything about the single session treatment program advertised on the radio?"  "I hear they have in patient treatment program at another hospital, what do you think of that for quitting smoking?"  "My doctor said I should try nicotine gum, do you agree?"  "I hear there are programs which promise no withdrawal or weight gain." "How about the shock treatments with money back guarantees?"   "Why should I choose you over the free program offered at...?"  Almost daily we will receive calls asking at least one of these questions.  It seems everyone wants us to compare what we do with that of other "treatment" strategies.  While the specific questions vary, my advice is inevitably the same.  If you are considering us or another program, go to them first.

People seem to be surprised at this advice.  I think some wonder whether or not I am receiving a kickback from the other organization.  But money is not the factor influencing the advice to seek help elsewhere before attempting us.  Or maybe they think I can't defend our program over the other "proven" method.  This assumption is also incorrect.  Why then, am I willingly turning away potential customers to the local competition?

Anyone who has gone through our clinic will attest that participation in our program requires a 100% effort and commitment to attempt quitting.  That is not to say that every participant must know before hand that he is going to stop.  The person must be resolved to the fact that he will try as hard as he can to stop for just two weeks, a day at a time.  Then, once past the initial withdrawal syndrome, he can decide whether or not he truly wishes to smoke.  We want him reach the point where he has a free choice.  But he must base his decision on his true options, smoke nothing or everything, there is no in-between.

Anyone coming into our program with a backup method in mind, is not normally willing to give the 100% necessary to break the initial grip.  When things start getting tough, which they almost inevitable do, the person just throws in the towel and takes a puff with the idea that it is no big loss, he will just try the other program next time.  But his assessment is grossly mistaken--taking that first puff may very well be the biggest mistakes he ever made in his life--one that may in fact cost him his life.  He may never again have the desire, strength, or opportunity to quit again. 

What of his hypothesis that the other program will probably work better for him.  Well, let it suffice to say, that when I suggest that a smoker goes to another program to quit before coming to ours, I am not really worried about losing potential income.   I am just postponing when I may actually meet and work with the individual.  In fact, the odds are, our price will increase significantly by that time and they are usually willing to pay.  In the interim, they spent hundreds to thousands of dollars trying all these magical programs or feeding their addiction. 

But money is not the major factor which needs to be considered.  Smoking an extra five years, 10 months, or even a few weeks carries a potential risk.  You just don't know which cigarette may be the one to initiate an irreversible process, such as cancer or a fatal heart attack or stroke.  Every day you puff these risks remain high.  But the day you stop, you begin to reduce your risks, and eventually, they can drop to that of a person who never smoked a day in his life.  Then, to keep your risk as low as possible and to never again have to go through the quitting process, simply NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

 Avoiding Triggers 

Many years ago I had a man named Mark (not his real name) join one of my smoking clinics. Mark came to me on the first day of the clinic and told me how he had recently added an addition on to his house and one of the rooms he added was a home office. Mark lived in a suburb about 20 miles from his office in downtown Chicago. Mark had the luxury that he didn't really need to go to his downtown office much and could do most of his work from home. He was nervous though because his home office was more than just his office--it was also his smoking sanctuary. Mark had small kids who were allergic to smoke and his wife didn't want Mark smoking around the kids. Since the kids were never allowed in the office anyway, Mark agreed only to smoke in that one room of the house. The office had in essence become his smoking room. He had only had the home office a short period of time now but the relationship seemed deeply ingrained.

When Mark was telling me about the new home office smoking room he confided in me that he was really scared to go into the room for he was sure it would be too powerful of a trigger and cause him to smoke. I told him he should go into the room quickly to overcome the fear but he said he just wanted to give it a few days before he attempted it. I figured I would let it go, thinking it would actually be good for Mark to get the additional experiences of driving to the city and working with other people proving to himself that he could deal with the outside world and still maintain his quit.

Mark never brought up the home office smoking room again during the clinic and I had basically forgotten about it too. Mark completed the clinic and sounded great at graduation. I figured he was on his way to a complete smoke free life.

A couple of months after the clinic was over I was following up Mark's group on a Saturday morning. Actually I had talked to him numerous times over the two month period but this conversation took an interesting twist. While on the phone Mark had said something about his office downtown and for the first time since I met Mark I remembered his concerns about his home office. I asked him if he was still going downtown much or mostly working out of his home office now. All of a sudden there was an awkward silence on the phone. Mark kind of hemmed and hawed for a while and said, "Well, this is kind of embarrassing to admit be I actually haven't gone into the home office yet."

I quickly said, "Mark, are you telling me that you have been driving 20 miles to and from work every day for two months because you are afraid that if you go into your home office you are going to smoke." He said yes, but it was worth it. He loved not smoking. Not smoking was great. So while driving 40 miles a day was a tad inconvenient, it was worth the effort since it was helping him to save his life.

I agreed it would be worth driving 40 miles every day if it were necessary in order to sustain a quit and thus saving his health and his life. The problem was that it was not necessary--Mark could work in his home office and just not smoke. To that Mark replied that the association was just too strong and his quit was just to valuable.

I asked Mark if he had a phone in the room in question to which he replied, "Of course I have a phone, it's my office." I said, "Mark, I want you to go into that room and call me back at this number." Now it took some real effort for me to persuade Mark to go into the room and to call me back. He was scared for he was totally convinced that being in that room was going to undercut his quit but Mark eventually goes into his office and places the call.

So I start a conversation of small talk with Mark, making a point of checking the clock at the beginning of the call. I knew some of Mark's family members and friends, and I started asking him questions about these people and making a real concerted effort of never broaching the topic of smoking once. Now I know most of you reader here have only gotten to know me from my writings and have never seen me live and talking but I can assure you that if you talk to any of my family members or friends, or especially to my clinic graduates, they will all attest that I can talk for hours on end even though I have nothing really important to say. I purposely engaged Mark into a half hour conversation consisting of absolutely nothing important--just small talk.

A half an hour into the conversation of small talk I abruptly blurted out, "Hey Mark, you have been in your home office now for 30 minutes. Have you thought about a cigarette once." Mark started laughing. He realized what I had done, getting him into the room and talking his ear off just to show him that he could be in the room and on the phone and not need to smoke. I think Mark instantly realized that his fears were unfounded.

I saw Mark last year, for the first time in probably fifteen or twenty years. He had now been smoke free for over a quarter of a century. We didn't really talk about smoking issues much either. It was no longer an issue in Mark's life. I just did my obligatory warning about never getting overly complacent, pointing out to him that over the past four years I had two people who were once 35 year ex-smokers who lost their quits. He was still well aware of what we taught in the clinic and was still totally committed to never take another puff.

As most people who read here have probably noticed, they have started saving lots of money since they have quit smoking. I suspect Mark had also saved a small fortune. This may not have been the case if we had not had our little conversation that Saturday morning. For if we had not talked that day Mark may have been driving an extra 200 miles a week, plus paying for parking for a quarter of a century. I don't even want to try to do the math of what these additional expenses would have cost. The fact is that they would have been totally unnecessary. When a person goes 25 years smoke free he proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that everything he was able to do as a smoker he can now do as an ex-smoker. This is a crucial lesson for all to learn.

Putting off facing certain activities triggers will likely prolong the stress, anxieties and fears that you will not be able to overcome the specific situation without relapse. All people who quit must realize that all you did as a smoker you can do as an ex-smoker too. All it takes is proving it to yourself one situation at a time. You can continue to live your life and get through all events with your quit intact as long as you always remember to stick with your personal commitment to never take another puff!

Joel

The Easy Way Out! 

Did you hear about the lady who went on two diets simultaneously to lose weight?  Doing both at once she ate enough food to satisfy her appetite and figured she would lose weight twice as fast.

This humorous story illustrates a very serious point.  Human nature dictates that we look for the easiest and least painful route to make necessary changes.  Unfortunately, what often appears to be the easiest technique may not always be the best.  If this lady really relied on this twisted logic, she would not only fail in losing weight, but would probably end up weighing more than before she started her diets.  And while this story may seem farfetched, many people who try to follow medically unproven and controversial weight control programs often end up with this very dilemma.

But weight control is not the only situation where people rely on unsuccessful techniques.  Cigarette smoking is another problem for which people try to find different solutions.  People are always looking for new and easy ways to quit smoking.  Many behavioral scientists believed that smoking is only a learned pattern.  If this were so, there would be many different approaches available to quit.  Behavior modification techniques such as reducing the amount of or exposure to a substance or situation, aversion therapy, hypnosis, acupuncture, record keeping, desensitization and countless other approaches have been used for years to help people unlearn unwanted behavior patterns.

But cigarette smoking is not simply a learned behavior or bad habit.  It is more complex, more powerful, and worst of all more deadly than most bad habits.  Cigarette smoking is an addiction.  This fact becomes quite evident the first day of every smoking clinic.  Just about every person in the group can relate some story which demonstrates that to some degree he or she is controlled by cigarettes.  Some have gone so far as to rummage garbage cans in the middle of the night in search of cigarettes.  Others take butts out of dirty ashtrays.  Still others sneak cigarettes while hospitalized from smoking-related illnesses even though smoking was expressly forbidden by their physician.  After hearing of these dramatic experiences, few people argue the point that the addiction to cigarettes exerts tremendous control over the smoker.

Addiction does not respond to cut-down approaches.  Addiction does not lend itself to controlled use of the substance.  If a person tries to treat an addiction as a bad habit, they will lose to the addiction.  If, on the other hand, the treats an addiction as an addiction, they stand a good chance of beating it.  Once a person is addicted to a substance, they must totally avoid any use of that substance or else relapse into a full- fledged drug dependency.  This holds true for alcohol, heroin, nicotine, and a host of other drugs.

As far as nicotine is concerned, if the smoker quits cold he will overcome the strongest stages of withdrawal within 72 hours.   After two weeks, physical withdrawal ceases.  Then, once it is understood that any amount of nicotine administered in any manner will reinforce his dependence, they have all the ammunition they need to overcome the occasional desire.  They must always base the decision of whether or not they should smoke a cigarette on their true options.  They have the choice of smoking none or smoking everything.  There is no in between.  Based on that, their choice is clear - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

 
I Will Quit When...  

"I will quit when my doctor tells me I have to."  "I can't quit now it's tax season."  "Maybe I will quit on vacation."  "School is starting and I'm too nervous to quit."  "I will quit in the summer when I can exercise more."  "When conditions improve at work, I will stop."  "Quit now, during midterm, you must be nuts!"  "Maybe after my daughters wedding."  "My father is in the hospital. I can't quit now."  "If I quit now, it will spoil the whole trip."  "The doctor says I need surgery.  I'm too nervous to try now."  "When I lose 15 pounds, I will stop."  "I am making too many other changes to stop now."  "I have smoked for years and feel fine, why should I stop smoking now?"  "I'm in the process of moving, and it's a real headache.  I can't stop now."  "It is too soon after my new promotion, when things settle down I will stop."  "When we have a verifiable bilateral disarmament agreement, I will consider quitting."  "It is too late.  I'm as good as dead now."

Amazing, isn't it, how so many people can come up with so many excuses not to stop smoking?  If any of these were valid reasons why now is not a good time to quit, when did 47,000,000 ex-smokers in our country stop?  They must have been experiencing at least one of these situations during the initial quitting process.  The only difference between successful ex-smokers and the smokers making these statements is that the ex-smokers were bright enough to recognize that smoking was not really necessary to deal with any of these situations.

The best time to quit is NOW.  No matter when now is.  In fact, many of the times specifically stated as bad times to quit may be the best.  I actually prefer that people quit when experiencing some degree of emotional stress.  In most cases, the more stress the better.  This may sound harsh, but in the long run it will vastly improve the chances of long term success in abstaining from cigarettes.

When people quit at an easy time in their lives, they begin to feel comfortable as ex-smokers as long as no problems surface.  But there is always the fear that when things get difficult they will not be able to cope without cigarettes.  Many, when facing their first real catastrophe, return to smoking because they were not equipped to deal with real stress as ex-smokers.

If, on the other hand, they had quit during a difficult time, they would have realized that even under severe emotional stress life goes on without smoking.  They will be secure in the knowledge that they can deal with crisis, any crisis, as non-smokers.  Once they overcame the initial quitting process they found they were able to deal with stress better.  They were able to meet the physical and emotional demands in their lives more efficiently than when they were smokers.  They were truly better equipped for survival in our complicated world without the "help" of cigarettes.

So, no matter what is going on in your life, quit smoking.  When things get tough - show yourself how tough you are.  And once off smoking, deal with all future problems in as constructive a manner as you possibly can, always keeping one essential stress management technique foremost in your mind - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!


Reply
 Message 4 of 6 in Discussion 
From: JoelSent: 12/13/2005 6:05 PM

Reply
 Message 5 of 6 in Discussion 
From: JoelSent: 12/13/2005 6:18 PM

"Quitting Smoking" 
A Fate Worse than Death?



People sitting in at smoking clinics are amazed at how resistant smokers are to giving up cigarettes.  Even smokers will sit and listen to horror stories of other participants in sheer disbelief.  Some smokers have had multiple heart attacks, circulatory conditions resulting in amputations, cancers, emphysema and a host of other disabling and deadly diseases.  How in the world could these people have continued smoking after all that?  Some of these smokers are fully aware that smoking is crippling and killing them, but continue to smoke anyway.  A legitimate question asked by any sane smoker or nonsmoker is, “why?”\

The answer to such a complex issue is really quite simple.  The smoker often has cigarettes so tied into his lifestyle that he feels when he gives up smoking he will give up all activities associated with cigarettes.  Considering these activities include almost everything he does from the time he awakes to the time he goes to sleep, life seems like it will not be worth living as an ex-smoker.  The smoker is also afraid he will experience the painful withdrawal symptoms from not smoking as long as he deprives himself of cigarettes.  Considering all this, quitting smoking creates a greater fear than dying from smoking.

If the smoker were correct in all his assumptions of what life as an ex-smoker were like, then maybe it would not be worth it to quit.  But all these assumptions are wrong.  There is life after smoking, and withdrawal does not last forever.  Trying to convince the smoker of this, though, is quite an uphill battle.  These beliefs are deeply ingrained and are conditioned from the false positive effects experienced from cigarettes.

The smoker often feels that he needs a cigarette in order to get out of bed in the morning.  Typically, when he awakes he feels a slight headache, tired, irritable, depressed and disoriented. He is under the belief that all people awake feeling this way.  He is fortunate though, because he has a way to stop these horrible feelings.  He smokes a cigarette or two.  Then he begins waking up and feels human again.  Once he is awake, he feels he needs cigarettes to give him energy to make it through the day.  When he is under stress and nervous, the cigarettes calm him down.  Giving up this wonder drug seems ludicrous to him.

But if he quits smoking he will be pleasantly surprised to find out that he will feel better and be able to cope with life more efficiently than when he was a smoker.  When he wakes up in the morning, he will feel tremendously better than when he awoke as a smoker.  No longer will he drag out of bed feeling horrible.  Now he will wake up feeling well rested and refreshed.  In general, he will be calmer than when he smoked.  Even when under stress, he normally will not experience the panic reactions he used to feel whenever his nicotine level fell below acceptable levels.  The belief that cigarettes were needed for energy is one of the most deceptive of all.  Almost any ex-smoker will attest that he has more strength, endurance, and energy than he ever did as a smoker.  And the fear of prolonged withdrawal also had no merit, for withdrawal symptoms would peak within three days, and totally subside within two weeks.

If any smoker just gives himself the chance to really feel how nice not smoking is, he will no longer have the irrational fears which keeps him maintaining his deadly addiction.  He will find life will become simpler, happier, cleaner, and most importantly healthier, than when he was a smoker.  His only fear will now be in relapsing to smoking and all he has to do to prevent this is - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!


 

Fear of Success.

The fear of success may keep more people from starting a quit than the fear of failure. The reason people are so afraid of success is that they are often working with a false perception of what life will be without smoking. No matter how how many people tell them what life can be like without smoking, the perception an active smoker has is going to persist until the person quits smoking and sees for him or herself that life really does go on without smoking.

In clinic settings I always explain to the participants that the real goal of the clinic is to help the participants to get off for two weeks. Two weeks—that’s it. In two weeks each clinic graduate will start to get a true sense of what it is like not to smoke. If the person decides that he or she hates not smoking, that life is unbearable, that he or she can no longer work, no longer carry on normal rational thoughts, no longer maintain a normal family existence, no longer have any fun or no longer able to meet life’s ongoing demands—he or she will be fully capable of just going back to smoking. A person should never be afraid to quit because of the feeling that if he or she quits, he or she will not be able to get him or herself back to smoking again if the so chooses. The choice should always be based on whether the person wants to go back to full-fledged smoking or smoke nothing—but the choice for full fledged smoking exists for all ex-smokers.

On the other hand, if in the two weeks the person decides that he or she likes not smoking—maybe not smoking isn’t perfect—but he or she is starting to get a flavor of where life is heading, how he or she is starting to face up to life demands and handling them reasonably well, maybe even a little better than he or she was just a few weeks earlier while still an active smoker, he or she has the choice of staying smoke free for another day.

People giving themselves the opportunity to see what not smoking is really like will overcome all these fears and generally truly appreciate the gift that they give themselves by being nicotine free. There are very few people who have ever left a clinic graduation went out and bought a carton or a case because they gave it the two weeks and decide that they really now want to become a full-fledged smoker again. Yes some people will throw away their quits days or weeks later, but it is not because they choose to relapse and are making a conscious decision to smoke until it kills them—it is because they get complacent and start to believe that they can somehow now control their quantity or duration of smoking. They almost inevitably regret this mistake and many will end up paying for it with their lives.

For as scary as quitting may be up front, the reality of what smoking can lead if understood is terrifying. A drag on a cigarette can end up costing a person tens of thousands of dollars, his or her independence, health and life. The reality of smoking does not improve with time, the fears intensify as symptoms develop and life gets a little more limited and the control nicotine exerts gets stronger and stronger.

You must quit smoking to see what life is really like as an ex-smoker and to some degree really recognize what life was like as a smoker. The longer you go without smoking and the more you understand, the less scary life will be and the more resolute you will continue to be to never take another puff!

Joel


Reply
 Message 6 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameStarshinegrl-GoldSent: 12/14/2005 2:37 PM
 Dear Betsy,
 
I have read your message and must tell you that it just made me feel so very sad. I can see the love that you and your family must be feeling for your mother-in-law and also how hard it must be for you to witness what she continues to do to herself without being able to do anything about it.
 
You are so right, of course, when you say that the ultimate decision to quit must be made by your mother-in-law. Not that it will help a lot but I'll start sending loads of good vibes over her way to make her see the light.
 
Joel has given you so many great reading recommendations. If I may, I would like to add a few more, which I hope might help her - if you can get her to read them, that is.
 
It seems to me that your mother-in-law is just so afraid of quitting and what her life might be like. I do hope that you will get to acknowledge that she is in Denial about her status with re to her use of nicotine and that she will reach for her dreams soon.
 
She might also have a close look at lies ## 2, 10, 11, 15, 16 , 22, 26, 31 of Junkie's junk or Nicodemon's lies?
 
At the moment she will still be saying "I smoke because I like smoking!" or  "I smoke because I like the flavor" - I don't think she would even like to hear the question  "Was I addicted?" 
 
Show her It Is never too Late. Sadly, Jean lost her battle with cancer and died in about 2 months ago. When she told us about her cancer diagnosis, she said:
 
"there is nothing, I MEAN NOTHING worse then having to tell those you hold so dear of such a catastrophe, the cancer has spread to my spine, skull, rib cage, kidneys, lymph (whatever and of course a large tumor in the right lung. There is no hope for a cure I have been told, they do have the means to keep me comfortable and give a better quality of life for the remaining time. "
 
I am just wondering if your mother-in-law has thought about what price will her family / loved ones will pay. Would it not be much nice to become one of Turkey's Triumphs rather than another sad case to add to The Smoker's Memorial?
 
Perhaps it might also be an idea to print Joel's Library and bind it nicely? You never know: she might even read it!
 
So many people you read about or from on whyquit did smoke for a long time before they (me included) finally managed to break the chains and now live a life that is so much better without nicotine.
 
Betsy, I really hope that your mother-in-law will join us soon in living a life free of nicotine and that she, too, will find out how much better her life will be. Perhaps she has got access to the Internet herself and then she read for herself that there honestly is nothing to be afraid or scared of once she has stopped administering nicotine to her body.
 
I won't wish her luck but I wish her that she will have an honest look at her life.
 
All the best to you and lots of luck to you in hopefully helping her to realise what she means to her family, who would rather have her around longer ... and that it is up to her to give herself and those who love her the best gift anybody could think of.
 
 
Gitte
383 days and a bit

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