The Lucky One’s Get Hooked!

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Why Do I Smoke?

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Most smokers spend countless hours during their smoking careers trying to satisfactorily answer this most perplexing question.  Typically, answers they come up with are that they smoke because they are unhappy, unsatisfied, nervous, bored, anxious, lonely, tired or just frustrated without their cigarettes.  Other reasons often quoted are that cigarettes keep them thin, make them better able to think, or that they are more sociable while smoking.  Some claim that they smoke to celebrate the joyful times of life.  Food, drink, fun and games, and even sex all seem to lose their appeal without an accompanying cigarette.  After hearing all of these wonderful qualities attributed to cigarette smoking, I find myself amazed that millions and millions of earth's inhabitants have successfully given up smoking.  

What in the world is wrong with these ex-smokers?  I can understand people who never smoked.  They never knew or believed all of these wonderful benefits derived from smoking.  What you never had you'll never miss.  But these ex-smokers, having given up such a marvelous chemical addiction with so many benefits, must be crazy.

The fact is ex-smokers are not crazy.  To the contrary, it was their ability to be rational which enabled them to successfully break free from cigarettes.  They had the foresight to put themselves through the pain and agony encountered during the initial withdrawal from the nicotine addiction.  It is both a powerful physical and psychological addiction which creates many irrational beliefs as defense mechanisms in order to perpetuate the smoking behavior.  Most of the reasons mentioned above of why smokers claim they smoke are such drug induced beliefs.

All ex-smokers should be applauded for their great accomplishment in overcoming the many obstacles created by their addiction.  Encountering the initial quitting process creates a state of emotional insecurity and self doubt.  Will they ever be able to survive in our complicated world without their cigarettes?  Once they become totally free of the grip which cigarettes exert upon them, they will be able to get a clear perspective of how many misconceptions they had about the benefits they thought they derived from smoking.  Being drug free after years of enslavement brings a sense of relief and accomplishment that the smoker never anticipated.  To their pleasant surprise, they discover the marvelous fact that there is life after smoking.  It is a healthier, calmer and more pleasant life.  They now have a choice as to whether or not they ever wish to smoke again.  If they look honestly and objectively at the advantages and disadvantages, the logical choice is to remain ex-smokers.

Unfortunately, some don't remember all of the consequences associated with their now arrested dependency, but only recall the infrequent good times they believe they had with their cigarettes.  They think that they could once again enjoy just a few cigarettes.  What must be understood by all ex-smokers is that they only have two options.  They can smoke nothing or they can smoke at their previous level of consumption.  There is no in-between.  They are wasting their time contemplating how nice it would be to be an occasional social smoker.  They can never again have that luxury.

All ex-smokers must consider both options.  Then if they choose to smoke, all they need do is take their first cigarette and again become trapped in the nicotine addiction.  If they choose to remain free, all they need is to follow the simple practice - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

Joel

The recovered alcoholic, the heroin addict, the nicotine addict, deep down each knows the "Law of Addiction."  They’ve heard it over and over again.  Just one sip, one tiny fix, or one little puff of nicotine, just once, that's all it takes and the addict is back!  They know that either immediately or in a short period of time they'll once again be slaves to their old level of drug use or greater.  We know the Law of Addiction so why do we break it?

There are three primary factors associated with relapse: (1) rewriting the law of addiction; (2) an excuse; and (3) a vague memory.  It doesn’t matter if it happens within two hours, two days, two weeks, two months, two years, or twenty, the factors remain the same and apply to all of us.  Rewriting the law of addiction is easy and you don’t need a pencil, paper or computer to do it.

Amending the Law of Addition

“Just one puff�?and then “do not pass go, do not collect $200, but go directly to the addict’s prison and surrender your freedom for good.�?nbsp; It isn’t that the recovering nicotine addict doesn’t know or believe the law of addiction because we do.  It’s just that we begin to believe that we’re the exception.  We convince ourselves that we’re stronger and smarter than those who discovered the law, and wiser than all addicts who came before us.  We amend the law.  We put ourselves above it.  “Just one, it’ll be ok, I can handle it, I'm stronger than the others, a little reward, it's been a while, I’ve earned it.�?

I’m sorry.  As soon as such thoughts begin infecting the mind they tend to start feeding on themselves and in all likelihood your body's period of healing and freedom is over.  Your dreams and hard work are all being thrown into a dirty toilet that one puff of nicotine is about to flush.

Instead of saying that you can handle�?just one ,�?a truthful statement would have been “I can handle them all, give them all back to me, my entire addiction, all the ashtrays, the coughs, the stink, the endless stream of 4,000 plus deadly chemicals that come with each puff (including 43 known cancer causing agents), the constant gradual destruction of every cell in my lungs and the gradual clogging and hardening of every blood vessel in my body, the 50/50 chance of killing myself at least 14 years early, all the money it will cost me to stay enslaved for years and years to come (together with massive future price increases designed to get me to quit), the growing social pressures that will make me feel even more like an outcast, I want it all back, all of it!�?

It’s far easier for the junkie mind to create a one puff or one cigarette exception to the “law�?than admit the truth.  A one pack a day addiction is 7,300 cigarettes a year.  Don’t picture smoking just one.  Instead, picture yourself sticking at least a year's supply into your mouth all at once. Try fitting them all into your mouth because in truth that's exactly where they'll be going, year after year after year.  “To thine own self be true.�?  You deserve the truth - you paid the price - you earned it.

The Perfect Excuse

The excuse can be anything.  Usually the addict waits for that great excuse to come along, but some get tired of waiting and any old excuse will do.  Even joy!  A reunion with an old smoking buddy, a few drinks with friends, a wedding, a graduation, or even a baby’s birth and a free nicotine laden cigar, or trying a harmless looking new nicotine delivery device like the 27 flavors of suckers, the straw, lozenges, candy or even nicotine water or soda, why not!  But joyful or even stupid nicotine relapse is harder to explain to yourself and to those you love.

The smart nicotine addict waits for the great excuse, the one that we know we can sell to ourselves and others.  As sick as it may sound, the easiest to sell and the best of all is the death of a loved one.  Although everyone we love is destined to die and it will happen sooner or later, for the reformed addict it’s the perfect excuse for relapse.  I mean, who can blame us for ingesting highly addictive drugs into our bodies upon our mother’s death.  Anyone who does would have to be extremely insensitive or totally heartless!  Right?  Losing a job, the end of a relationship, serious illness, disease or financial problems are all great excuses too - it’s drug time again!  The addict is back!

Lost Memories

But an excuse doesn’t work alone.  It needs help.  Failing memories of “why�?we were willing to put ourselves through the anxieties and emotion of physical withdrawal, and weeks and weeks of psychological adjustment in order to break free, breathe fatal life into any excuse.  Most of us failed to keep a detailed record of why we commenced recovery or what it was like.  Instead, we are forced to rely upon our memory to accurately and vividly preserve the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  But now, the memory in which we placed all our trust has failed us.

It isn’t that your memory is bad, faulty or doing anything wrong.  In fact, it’s working as it should to preserve in as much detail as possible the joyful events of life, while forgetting, as quickly as possible, all the pain and anguish that we’ve felt, including our disdain for the addict's life we lived.  To have our brains do otherwise would make life inside our minds unbearable.  If women were forced to remember the true agony and intense pain of childbirth, most would have just one.  We are each blessed with the gift to forget.

So how does the reformed nicotine addict who failed to keep accurate records of their journey revive their passion for freedom and recall liberty's price?  If we forget the past, are we destined to repeat it?  Not necessarily.  It doesn’t have to be.  But just as any loving relationship needs nourishment to flourish, we can never take our recovery for granted or the flame will eventually die and the fire will go out.  We have to want to protect this glory until the day we die.  We have to turn that "want" into action.  If we do, we win.  If not, our fate may be up in the air with serious risk of relapse followed by crippling disease or even a very early grave.

Whether it’s daily, weekly or monthly, our recovery needs care.  If you don’t have a detailed log to regularly review when faced with adversity, upon each anniversary of your quit or at each birthday, do your best to create one now.  Talk to those still smoking and ask for help in revitalizing your memories.  Encourage them to be as truthful as possible.  Although they may look like they’re enjoying their addiction to smoking nicotine, the primary joy they get is in keeping their body’s blood serum nicotine level within the comfort zone, so as to avoid the onset of the anxieties and craves of early withdrawal.  Show them your pen and paper and invite them to help you create your list.  You may even cause a spark in them.  Be kind and sincere.  It wasn't long ago that those were our shoes.

Also, try envisioning the first week. What was it like?  Can you still feel the powerful craves as your body begged and cried to be fed?  Can you still feel the pain?  Do you see yourself not being able to concentrate, having difficulty sleeping, feeling depressed, angry, irritable, frustrated, restless, with tremendous anxiety, a foggy mind, sweating palms, rapidly cycling emotions, irrational thinking, emotional outbursts or even the shakes?  Do you remember these things?  Do you remember the price you paid for freedom?  Do you remember why you were willing to pay it?

If you have access to a computer, you won't need a smoker’s help or even to recall the early days of your own journey.  You can go on-line to scores of smoking cessation support groups and find thousands of battles being fought, hear tons of cries and watch hundreds struggling for survival as they cling to the promise of the rich sense of inner calmness, quiet and comfort that lies beyond.  Visit as often as possible.  Make a few posts to those in need.  The most important thing you can tell them is the truth about why you are there.  Tell them how comfortable and complacent you've become.  It's what they yearn to hear!  Many smoked their entire adult life and have a difficult time believing that withdrawal isn't permanent.  Fear of the unknown is frightening.  Help them and in doing so help yourself.

If you find yourself attempting to rewrite the law of addiction, stop, think, remember, read, revisit, revive and give to others, but most important, be honest with you.  Terrible and emotional events will happen in each of our lives - such is life.  Adding full-blown nicotine relapse to any situation won’t fix, correct or undo your underlying concern.  In your mind, plan for disaster today.  How will you cope and keep your healing alive should the person you love most in this world suddenly die?  What will you do? 

Remember, we've only traded places with our chemical dependency and the key to the cell is one puff of nicotine.  As long as we stay on this side of the bars, we are the jailors and our dependency the prisoner. We only have two choices. We can complete this temporary period of adjustment and enjoy comfortable probation for life or we can smoke nicotine, relapse, and intentionally inflict cruel and unusual punishment upon these innocent bodies for the remainder of their life, together with inviting a 50/50 chance that you'll be putting yourself to death. If the first choice sounds better - comfortable lifetime probation - then we each need only follow one simple rule - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

Breathe deep, hug hard, live long!

John

Hello Laura:

 

You are not "sneaking cigarettes." You are simply a smoker again. You are just a less honest smoker than you used to be. You have turned yourself into a "closet smoker." Sneaking around trying to lie to everyone you know that you are still quit, and using terms like "sneaking" cigarettes trying to lie to yourself that you are no longer a smoker. The only way you are ever going to get a quit back is when you get honest with yourself, recognize addiction for what it is, and make a new promise and commitment to yourself to never take another puff.

 

Joel

 

The Closet Smoker

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"I can't come to the rest of the sessions.  Nobody in my family knows I've relapsed and if I have to come here the next five nights, I will have to tell them where I'm going.  I couldn't face them after that."  I've had a number of past clinic participants who had relapsed and came to the first night of the clinic to tell me they were going to try on their own, without the support of the group and the rest of the sessions, solely to avoid the embarrassment of admitting their relapse.  While some do quit after staying for the first session, others just continue smoking because they just can't seem to muster up the motivation to get through the initial stage of withdrawal on their own.

What follows for these closet smokers are lives complicated far beyond that of the potential life threatening health risks from smoking.  More immediate of a risk is living a lie that places them in constant fear of being exposed.  This will drastically reduce the amount smoked.   The closet smoker will only smoke when the opportunity permits.  But that means spending numerous hours every day, and possibly even entire days in a state of constant withdrawal.  When they do get a chance to sneak a cigarette, what if someone sees them?  What will that person think of them?  Who else will they tell?  Even if not seen, what about the smell?  For a while the smoker may claim that the smell is from second hand smoke, but that just puts them deeper in the deception. If they do eventually get caught everyone will know that all the other times that they were being accused by some significant other, who thought they smelled it, that their denial then was a blatant lie too.

While some who are reading this may think, "Who cares what other people think," you should understand that to this kind of individual, others' opinion of the smoker's strength or integrity is extremely important.  If it were not, they would not have faced the initial dilemma of how to come to the clinic without admitting the failure.  They are stuck in chronic withdrawal and the chronic anxiety of being caught, all for the luxury of sneaking a cigarette here and there to temporarily alleviate withdrawal whenever possible.  It is obvious that the closet smoker is not smoking for enjoyment.  They can't enjoy it during the act because they're afraid of being caught.  The reason for lighting any given cigarette is plain and simple - the nicotine addict is getting their much needed drug fix, a fix that would not be necessary if they would just quit smoking and end the vicious withdrawal cycle.

The only logical solution to this problem is to quit smoking.  And while the closet smoker may eventually be successful in quitting smoking, since they were already supposed to have quit, how will they then explain the serious mood swings and other physical withdrawal symptoms (including why they seem so irritable or maybe even irrational), during the first few days of withdrawal?  While it may be embarrassing to confess, it is in all probability the best solution.  Admit to relapse and find the time needed to get involved in a smoking cessation support group.  Also, let people around you know what you are going through.  Those closest to you can often be extremely supportive and understanding, but only if they know that their help is needed.

Once you do quit, do everything in your power to avoid ever having to go through quitting again.  Smoking will be more expensive than you remember, more socially unacceptable, just as unhealthy and it could cost you your life  It may effect your social status, making many question your general sensibilities as well as your lack of concern for all non-smokers and ex-smokers around you.  If you try to hide the fact that you relapse, you expose yourself to being caught and then viewed as a liar and a cheat, all for the "joy" of a nicotine fix.  Never forget what each day was like when you were a smoker and it will make it much easier to always choose to - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

Well, Joel & Gitte, I read everything you sent me and I am no longer "Sneaking cigarettes" (or, more honestly, closet smoking). For some reason, you guys gave me just the right amount of tough love to push me out of the vicious cycle I had created for myself. Right after I read Joel's comments, "you are still a smoker," it made me mad enough to scream inside "NO I'M NOT!!" And I quit. Really quit. No more 'sneaking cigs.'

 

Mom still chain smokes downstairs. My x-husband still comes by to pick up the boys and keeps a constantly lit cigarette at his lips. But there are no more excuses. I have quit - and no amount of temptation will let me slip back again. Thank you so much for this educational website! It has saved my life.

HI Laura,

I've just got to get in on this one, because Laura is my daughter's name and she busted on me until I finally gave up and quit. So this is for her and for her namesake.

You mentioned that Joel got to you when he said right out that you are not sneaking cigarettes, you are a smoker again. If that got to you, this article will really help you. It's one of my favorites that Joel wrote. I carried it everywhere for the first couple weeks of my quit. I think you'll really like it too.

gosh, I hope that worked..I'm no good at posting links.

If it didn't...just go to Why Quit and look up Smoker's Vow, the link is right on the front page. It's an awesome little piece that really tells it like it is....and like we can't ever let it be again.

good luck to you.

annie....addicted 44 years, clean for a little over 6 weeks