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First, here is an article discussing what risk that your husbands smoking isn't posing to you. His smoking cannot cause you to relapse:

Second Hand Smoke

Contrary to popular opinion or misconceptions, the risks of second hand smoke exposure are nothing compared to actually smoking yourself. As far as causing a relapse to needing nicotine, it can't do that. The trace amount of nicotine that can be absorbed from second hand smoke exposure is usually under 1% of what a smoker gets from smoking. Inhaling a puff or even puffing on a lit cigarette without actually inhaling and absorbing nicotine through the oral mucosa does not deliver trace amounts though, it delivers a significantly large dose of nicotine that is fully capable of causing a full-blown relapse.

As far as second hand smoke and nicotine goes, you would have to be in a smoke filled room, non-stop for 100 hours, yes I am saying over 4 days to get the equivalent dose of nicotine delivered to a smoker from one cigarette. This is a unique property of nicotine though. Other chemicals in second hand smoke can reach some pretty toxic levels much quicker than that, in minutes not days.

The side effects felt from being exposed to second hand smoke are from Carbon Monoxide, Hydrogen Cyanide and some other noxious chemicals that can reach levels that are well above OSHA standards for safety. If a non-smoker happens to have a heart condition or an asthmatic or bronchial problem, and exposure to second hand smoke induces an incident on the spot, it would be said by all that the second hand smoke was more dangerous to that non smoker than the first hand smoke was to the smoker him or herself at the time. But rest assured, if the second hand smoke could induce the attack, if that person had smoked him or herself it would have induced a lot earlier and probably more severely. I have to say probably because the second hand smoke exposure may have fatal consequences for the predisposed non-smoker. But again, if second hand smoke did it, if that person were a smoker they would likely have experienced much sooner from their own self induced exposure.

The best way to keep your exposure to nicotine and the 4000 other chemicals and poisons to a bare minimum is to never take another puff!

Here is a string that visually explains the difference between actually smoking and second hand smoke exposure: Watching Others Smoke

Finding cigarettes

I wrote the below commentary specifically about people offering you cigarettes after you quit. Another similar issue is for people who repeatedly "accidentally" leave their cigarettes in your home, office or car. If this ever happens it is best to destroy the person's cigarettes. Again, the same concept applies--whether you smoke them or destroy them, the cigarettes are no longer going to be available for the person who has carelessly left them behind. The first time if you really feel bad you can reimburse the person the cost of the cigarettes. After that though the person should clearly know not to be so careless with his or her cigarettes.

If ever you have a family member, friend, co-worker or any other acquaintance offer you a cigarette it is best to politely say no and just let the person know that you do not smoke any more nor do you even want to smoke any more. Basically say you have no interest or desire for one. That should be the end of the offers if it is from any person who was just making what he or she thought was a friendly gesture.

If the person pursues asking you about how you quit and why you feel as you do, you may want to take the opportunity to share some of what you learned here about how important quitting smoking is and how much better you feel about yourself since you have quit smoking.

If on the other hand the person continues to offer you a cigarette or is obviously actually pushing you to take one it is best to give it one or two more tries to politely say no and ask the person not to offer any more for you truly have no intention of smoking one. If this doesn't end the pressure being put on you to take a cigarette it is time to change your tactics. Look at the person, maybe even with a little bit of sadness and defeat in your eyes, and say to him or her that you can't take the pressure anymore and sure give me a cigarette if you must. When he or she hands you the cigarette, walk over to the nearest garbage can, crumble it up and throw it out.

Now you have an option of how you want to proceed. You can either wait for the next offer to come or you can say, "Thank you, that felt great. Would you like to give me another one." If the person is gullible enough to offer you another take that one too and repeat the destruction and disposal. Keep it up for as long as the person keeps offering. At some point you may want to say that this could go a whole lot faster if you would like to give me your pack. You can destroy all of the cigarettes that way in one fell swoop.

I can assure you that if you stick to this game plan the person is eventually going to stop offering you cigarettes. Cigarettes are just to expensive to keep up this kind of routine over a long time period. By the way, you should not feel any guilt for destroying the cigarettes of another person. Once a person is offering you a cigarette he or she should not be expecting to get it back. If you smoke the cigarette it is no longer available for the person or if you destroy the cigarette it is no longer available either. If the person is indeed making the offer to somehow give you some sort of pleasure the odds are you will get some sort of pleasure out of destroying them. If not pleasure you should get a little amusement out of the reaction from the person as they see their hard fought efforts to get you to smoke get instantly trashed.

This action will likely result in the other person feeling a whole lot more irritated by the altercation than you will. More importantly though, you will by example be proving to the person and to yourself that your quit is strong and your resolve is totally intact to stick to your personal commitment to never take another puff.

Joel

Watching Others Smoke

Recently, a successful graduate called me complaining that she needed a cigarette. When I inquired as to why she needed to smoke, she said that there were many problems at work and she felt that a cigarette would calm her down and make her better able to cope with the current sutuation. She went on to explain that the woman who sits across from her is always smoking which futher enhances her cravings to take a cigarette.

I asked her to describe the lady who was always smoking around her. She said, "She is a co-worker who is really neurotic. She is always a nervous wreck. We have the same boss, and he is the source of much of our tension."

There seemed to be a great inconsistency in her story. She needed to smoke so she could calm down. She saw this lady smoking which made her feel the need to smoke even more. I could understand if her smoking companion was always calm and tranquil when confronted with unbearable stress. But to the contrary, "She was NEUROTIC". It was apparent in her case that cigarettes were not an effective stress reducing technique. Upon realizing the simple inconsistency in her story, she laughed and realized that cigarettes were no answer to dealing with her stress.

Often when an ex-smoker sees another person smoking, they wish they too could have a cigarette. They may automatically think how much the person is enjoying that cigarette. The fact often is that the person may not like the particular cigarette or even realize they are smoking it. They are simply maintaining a deadly addiction, trying to avoid nicotine withdrawal.

Ex-smokers should consider how while they were still smoking they used to envy people who quit cigarettes. No matter which situation you are in, a smoker observing an ex-smoker or visa versa, the other side has its appeal. The ex-smoker has the great advantage. The ex-smoker can go back to smoking any time she wishes. The smoker cannot always quit. The ex-smoker will go hours, days and eventually weeks without thinking of a cigarette. The smoker is constantly reminded by family, friends and associates of their socially offensive habit.

So, next time you observe a helpless smoker maintaining this deadly habit, have pity on them. If they ask how you kicked it, share with them the philosophies we taught you. That may be all the assistance they need. If they need more help, they can always come to see us.

We wish you luck in helping those closest to you quit this dangerous addiction. Once they break free, always reinforce the one concept which can guarantee continued success in staying free from cigarettes. Make sure they understand to Never Take Another Puff.

From: John (Gold) (Original Message)

Sent: 1/28/2006 11:06 PM

Kids use court order to force mom to stop smoking

No-smoking.org
By Press Release
08/04/2005

Washington state has joined at least sixteen others in recognizing that children have a legal right to be protected from the health dangers of secondhand tobacco smoke, and in the most recent case, a judge has banned all smoking in the home when either of the children is present.

Washington thus joins at least sixteen other states -- California, Florida, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Missouri, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Tennessee and Texas -- in issuing court orders prohibiting smoking in homes when children are present, and sometimes as much as 48 hours before they arrive. In addition, three states -- Maine, Oklahoma, and Vermont -- prohibit smoking in private homes when foster children are present.

"More and more judges are ruling that smoking around a child is dangerous, and that it can be grounds for loss of custody -- indeed, several parents have lost custody because they smoked around their children. In some cases, authorities have treated the matter as child abuse, child neglect, or reckless endangerment, and have acted on the complaint of a third party such as a relative other than the spouse, a physician, etc.

No court has ever ruled to the contrary," says law professor John Banzhaf.

Prof. Banzhaf is Executive Director and Chief Counsel of Action on Smoking and Health (ASH), a national antismoking and nonsmokers' rights organization. ASH helped start the movement to urge and assist nonsmoking parents to raise the issue of smoking in custody proceedings, and it provides legal information and advice to parents wishing to protect their children from secondhand tobacco smoke.

The most recent victory in which ASH assisted involves two children: a 13-year-old boy and a 10 year-old girl. The boy reportedly would return from visiting his mother reeking of cigarette smoke, and he suffered from recurrent ear infections, sinus infections, and asthma. Apparently as a result of the smoking ban, all of these health problems seem to have resolved themselves, and he has won 1st place in several track meets -- quite a feat for someone who once suffered from recurring asthma attacks.

Surprisingly, the judge who issued the order said he did not need to hear medical testimony from a physician -- Dr. Chris Covert-Bowlds -- stating from the bench that "everyone knows that secondhand smoke is harmful."

The children report that the mother sometimes tries to light up when they are in the house. However, they are now old enough to tell her not to, with their objections backed up by a court order and the threat of a contempt of court proceeding for the mother.

Many smokers apparently feel that the one place in an increasingly no-smoking society where they can light up is in their home, perhaps believing that their home is their castle. But, as Prof. Banzhaf notes, most other forms of child abuse also occur in the home, and parents have no right to light up marijuana cigarettes, abuse alcohol, use other recreational drugs, engage in inappropriate sexual behavior, or even allow garbage to pile up around a child -- even in their own home.

Similarly, if their smoking at home endangers the child's health, their privilege to smoke at home must give way to the child's right not to be unnecessarily subjected to toxic substances, says Banzhaf, whether those substances are asbestos, benzene, or environmental tobacco smoke -- all of which are known human carcinogens.

Similarly, in other cases in which ASH has provided assistance, nonsmokers have successfully sued persons who are smoking in their homes if the tobacco smoke drifts and/or recirculates to another apartment and/or condo unit. "There is no legal right to smoke in one's own home if it endangers or even unreasonably offends neighbors, any more than there is a right to produce tear gas in an apartment, or to play music too loudly or at inappropriate hours," says Banzhaf.

Online source:

http://www.unfilteredtv.com/learn/one_news_article.php?id=96

Smoking outside 'harms children'

Closing the door does not protect children

Children have nicotine in their body even if parents smoke outdoors with the doors closed, researchers have found.

February 11, 2004 - BBC News UK Edition

Researchers from Linkoping University in Sweden found children whose parents smoked outside had twice as much nicotine in their body as children of non-smokers.

But they still had significantly less nicotine in their bodies than children who were directly exposed to smoke.

Experts said the best way to protect children was not to smoke at all.

Respiratory illness link

The researchers reviewed studies which looked at the effects of passive smoking.

There really is no substitute for giving up smoking altogether - its a win-win situation for the whole family One study tested the urine of 366 children aged two to three for cotinine, a chemical formed when the body breaks down nicotine.

The parents of 216 of 366 children aged 2-3 years used this method.

Children whose parents smoked outside had twice as much cotinine in their urine as the children of non-smokers.

But in homes where both adults smoked indoors, children had fifteen times higher levels of cotinine than children of non-smokers.

A separate study of parents of 1,600 children aged one to two found a correlation between passive smoking and respiratory illnesses in children.

The researchers also found parents know passive smoking can harm children, but do not know why.

They say relatively few people stop smoking when they have children, but many do change their smoking behaviour.

'Inadvertent exposure'

Public health researcher AnnaKarin Johansson, who carried out the review, said: "The care-providers tend to want to avoid pointing the finger, but perhaps they are sometimes too cautious."

Naj Dehlavi, a researcher with the campaign group Action on Smoking and Health, told BBC News Online: "17,000 children under the age of five are admitted to hospital every year in the UK due to passive smoking.

"This study shows that despite parents smoking outside for the sake of their children's health, inadvertent exposure still occurs.

"There really is no substitute for giving up smoking altogether - its a win-win situation for the whole family."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3476743.stm

“How can I get my family and friends to quit smoking?�?/EM>

That is the question I am often asked by successful graduates wishing to help those closest to them achieve freedom from their deadly addiction to cigarettes. Unfortunately, there is no simple solution. Smokers are going to smoke until they are ready to quit. Pestering, threatening, insulting, destroying or hiding cigarettes all cause the smoker to feel resentful and usually result in higher consumption of cigarettes for spite. These are not the methods of choice.

One method which I do suggest is understanding. Smokers do not smoke because they are stupid. They don't smoke because they are mean or obnoxious and wish to hurt their families and friends. They smoke because they are human, and as humans they make mistakes. One that all smokers are guilty of is experimentation with a highly addictive and dangerous drug—nicotine. Many of them took up smoking long before any dangers were known. When they realized the dangers, they may have attempted to quit, but for some it is not easy. They are hooked on a drug, and it will take strong resolve and a support system to overcome the initial difficulties encountered during the quitting process.

The best support which can be provided by significant others is to offer love, patience and understanding, and to try to make the smoker's life as easy as possible over the first few days. The smoker giving up cigarettes may have severe emotional outbursts and be irritable, depressed, and even irrational. These are all the effects of nicotine withdrawal. Many family members and friends will encourage them to smoke rather than act like that. If they were recovering alcoholics, they would not be offered drinks by these people. If they were reacting to chemotherapy they would not be begged to give it up and sacrifice their lives for the family's momentary comfort. Unfortunately, many friends and family members often do not take smoking cessation seriously enough. We are not talking about giving up a simple little annoyance such as biting of nails. We are talking about a powerful and deadly addiction. They are dealing with a real physiological need as well as a strongly ingrained psychological dependence. Offer the most encouragement you can. Be tolerant of their temporary emotional outbursts. They will soon return to normal, and you will have the personal satisfaction of knowing you helped them over one of the greatest challenges of their lives—giving up cigarettes.

While non-smokers may offer their love, patience and understanding, you, as an ex-smoker, have the unique ability to be a highly supportive and credible source to the individual attempting to quit smoking. You knew what it was like to smoke. You know how much nicer it is to go through life as an ex-smoker. Share this knowledge. Be honest—if you still have thoughts for a cigarette, tell them. But clarify what the thoughts are like. If you are a typical ex-smoker, the thoughts occur quite infrequently, and even when they do occur they last only seconds and are just a passing desire rather than a real painful episode such as those encountered during initial cessation.

People giving up cigarettes need to know this natural evolutionary process of smoker to ex-smoker. When they encounter urges after the first two weeks, they are no longer experiencing physical withdrawal, rather they are responding to a psychological trigger. They are experiencing a new situation for the first time without a cigarette. The urge will pass and they will have learned how to face all future similar experiences as an ex-smoker, with no discomfort.

Share with them the information we shared with you during the clinic. Give them the same support that the others in your clinic gave to you. Most important, once smokers give up their cigarettes, offer periodic support to them letting them know you care about them, and always reinforce one concept to guarantee success in their continued non-smoking status—NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

Can we help a person quit when they are pretty sure they don't want to quit?

Over the years I have seen numerous members thrust into my program, totally against their wills who still manage to succeed in quitting smoking. I had two in the last clinic who clearly stated they did not want to quit but were forced in by parents. Other people are forced in by doctors, some people have even been tricked into coming to my seminars by family and friends who told them they were going somewhere else and literally brought them to the room under some form of false pretense. While I won't say this tactic works in the majority of cases, it works a lot more often than most people would think.

To say that these people had no prior motivation or desire to quit would probably not be true. I suspect most smokers have some level of motivation to quit, but motivation without understanding isn't enough to succeed. That is what I try to do in the first session of a clinic or in the single session seminars. I try to cram in four areas of understanding, all of which I think are crucial for the smoker to understand if they are going to have a good shot at success.

The areas I try to cover are why they smoke, why they should stop, how to quit and then how to stay off. I think these four areas are crucial points of understanding, without having a firm grasp of each component, the smoker is handicapped in his or her efforts.

Understanding why he or she smokes help the smoker see that all the magical qualities associated with smoking are false feelings. While most smokers think they smoke because they want to, the real reason they smoke is because they have to. Their bodies demand it. They are drug addicts, plain and simple and understanding this premise is the crucial first step. As with any other addiction or 12 step program, the premise of being powerless over the drug is the first step in recovery.

I want them to recognize that while they thought smoking was keeping them calm, it was actually increasing their stress levels, or more accurately, their reactions to stress. While they thought smoking made the energetic, it in fact robbed them of endurance and energy. That it made keeping their life style fun and active, it was actually robbing them if ability to do many things and was in fact putting every activity and relationship at risk. That it was at their core of their ability to be an active member of society, it was in fact causing them to resort to many antisocial behaviors, leading them to smoke in lieu of human contact or even leaving gatherings because smoking was not permitted.

Why they should stop smoking is probably the least surprising to most people, they already know smoking is bad for them, but most people don't recognize how bad it is. Many people are blown away when they realize the full magnitude of the dangers from smoking. While I don't spend a great quantity of time on the issue, maybe only an hour and a half of 10 hours of presentation time, it is still one of the areas that many people refer back to years later as a major motivating factor to stay off. The recognition that quitting smoking is in fact a fight for very survival is often of paramount importance in long term success, dealing with the occasional thoughts that are still triggered by circumstances and situations faced throughout the ex-smoker's life.

How to quit, now there is a shock to most people, especially after the more reading and research they have done prior to coming to my programs. If they are medical professionals, bombarded by the influence of the state of the art of smoking cessation techniques, what I am proposing is so radical that it takes them a few minutes to overcome the idea that I am out of my mind. After being bombard by study after study and expert after expert, to come out and accept that the way to quit smoking is simply to quit smoking seems ludicrous. It is only when I have them think real hard of all the long-term (one year plus) ex-smokers they know, of how these people initially quit, that they start to realize that the vast majority of these people, and in many cases all of them, quit by cold turkey. It is often like a light bulb goes off in their head for the first time seeing the obvious, even though it flies in the face of conventional wisdom.

Finally, how to stay off, here is another kicker. Almost every piece of professional literature on smoking cessation produced over the last 30 years will bury one line in the text, or sometimes make it really obvious that will undercut the most truly motivated and educated smoker. The line is "don't let a slip put you back to smoking." That makes as much sense as don't let a drink put you back to drinking to an alcoholic, or a heroin addict given the message of don't let a little injection put you back to using. The message needs to be stronger than that, not don't let a slip put you back to using, the message had better be--DON'T SLIP!

There is no such thing as a slip, or an accident, or a mistake, or a puff, or just one, they are all a RELAPSE! This point, more than anything else is what is going to make a quit last. Forgetting this concept, or worse, never knowing it all but assures failure.

I have seen the education of the smoking problem work thousands of times in getting people to be properly prepared to quit. Again, that problem is more than just the physical dangers of smoking. It entails the smoker developing a full appreciation of the physical, mental, social, economic, and esthetic implications of smoking. I have also witnessed the understanding of these issues to be the tools utilized by thousands of ex-smokers in keeping their quits going as long as they keep the understanding of all these issues at the forefront of consciousness.

So can we motivate a smoker to want to quit? I think most smokers of any appreciable time period is already motivated. If not most smokers in general, any smoker who shows up here for even a glimpse at Freedom is motivated or they would not even have typed in the word smoking into a search engine or followed a link sent by a friend. If they took a peak, there is an interest. Now it is a matter of tapping into that interest and helping them realize that there really is a way out. You have all found it here. Those just starting, listen to those who are here for months and years already. Listen to how they sound about not smoking, the overall improvement of life experienced by most.

Those who are here for months and years now, listen to those who are just joining. Hear the fear and doubt expressed and realize that was you so long ago and how you never want to be back at that stage of your life again. You don't know you will have the strength or sufficient desire or opportunity to quit again if there were another need to do so. For everyone, recognize to quit smoking and stay smoke free, always remember to never take another puff!

Joel

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