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: "I know a smoke would make me feel better." |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel (Original Message) | Sent: 4/24/2006 11:08 AM |
Joel,
I have been quit for 39 days. The longest, hardest 39 days of my life (and my husband's, too, I'm sure). At the start of my quit, I was pumped up and ready to go. I found your site either the first or second day of my quit and I can't tell you how amazingly helpful it was for me. I'm SURE I would not still be quit at this date if it weren't for your site. I tried to post, but either my computer or your website wouldn't let me. Or, maybe it was just me not being able to figure it out! I really wish I could have, thohgh.
I smoked about a pack a day for 7 years prior to this quit.(I am only 26 yrs old) I had tried to quit a few times before and once made it almost a month, but that was for someone else, not for me. The thing about this quit that has helped it to stick for so long is your site and all the "education" I found there. Learning why and how cigarettes are bad and do what they do really, really helped.
Here is where I am struggling, though. It's been 39 days and I'm STILL overly angry and "nasty" at times. The only person who knows I've quit is my husband because no one else knew I even smoked! I've always been "closet smoker". I still think about smoking, I KNOW a smoke would make me "feel" better. I know it would not change the circumstance. Everything upsetting me at the momet would still be happening and all the consequences and outcomes still there. BUT, a cigarette would make me FEEL better. My husband naively thought that I'd be "over it after 3, 10 days at the most", because he's never had an addiction.
So, what do I do? Please help me.
I have so much more to say, but.... could go on forever. Just really anxious to hear what you have to say if you respond.
Thank you for your time,
Frances
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 4/24/2006 11:15 AM |
Hello Frances: You are making a very false assumption when you say "you know" a cigarette will make you feel better. Cigarettes had the ability to make you feel better when you were an active user, not by doing anything to relieve the stress, but rather by replacing the nicotine that the stress caused you to lose thus pulling you out of withdrawal. Now, when you are encountering stress you are feeling the stress and working with the false premise that a cigarette will make it somehow better now. The following posts explains why this logic is flawed. Hope they help. Joel |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 4/24/2006 11:16 AM |
While most smokers actually believe that smoking was an effective stress treatment strategy (a drug that calmed them down), when it really comes down to it, smoking never truly calmed them down. All it did was administered nicotine alleviated nicotine withdrawal that was induced by stress. The illustration and text below covers this point. The one true step that people are doing here to control their stress is getting rid of a product that should cause any thinking person a lot of worry and to stop the vicious cycle of drug feeding and drug withdrawal by always knowing now to never take another puff! Joel 
In the illustration above you can see on the left how a non-smokers reacts to stress. Without it they are happy and comfortable, when encountering stress they lose this comfort and depending on its severity they can get either mildly annoyed or really upset. The resolution of the stress will normally bring the non-smoker back to the original state of comfort, after a little time of cooling down of course. Smokers are much more complex. Stress has an affect on all people--it makes the urine acidic. Both smokers and non-smokers experience this phenomena. In non-smoker smokers, the urine acidity has no real visible or perceivable effects--smokers are much more complicated. After the initial stress a smoker will feel like a non-smoker encountering stress, for a few seconds. But then the delineation occurs, the smoker's nicotine level depletes because of the urine acidity induced by the stress, and the smoker is kicked into a drug withdrawal state. The smoker has four ways to deal with the situation now. First, the smoker can just smoke a cigarette. Well low and behold if the smoker does this he or she will feel "better." He or she will not feel good; he or she just won't be feeling withdrawal for the moment but still be feeling the initial stress. In essence, he or she will feel like a non-smoker under stress, not great, but not in withdrawal either. The second way a smoker can handle the stress is to solve it and also smoke a cigarette. This results in one happy smoker. No stress now and no withdrawal, life is good at the moment. The feeling of bliss is basically the same feeling a non-smoker has who resolves his or her stress. But then there are the other two scenarios. The smoker can solve the problem but not smoke. Here is the kicker here, the problem is resolved but the smoker is still in withdrawal, the nicotine level has dropped and problem resolution has no way to stop the nicotine depletion, only a cigarette can do that. The worst of all situations is the smoker who cannot solve the problem and also cannot smoke a cigarette. This is a miserable situation to ever be in. You normally don't want to be around a smoker in this situation let alone being one yourself. Many smokers find themselves facing this dilemma daily since many jobs and social settings do not allow smoking yet constantly force the smoker to face stresses. When you quit smoking these last four reactions to stress become a thing of the past. You still face stress, but you no longer have to face drug withdrawals induced by it. In essence you deal with stress in a totally different way when you don't have chronic drug withdrawals exaggerating it. To stay in the position of being able to handle stresses with greater clarity and minimal discomfort always know that no matter what the stress, to avoid it having any long lasting and life threatening complications always remember to never take another puff! Joel |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 4/24/2006 11:16 AM |
I Have to Smoke
Because of All My Stress!
Stress is considered a cause for smoking by many people. Actually, smoking is a cause of stress. Recent correspondence dealt with reasons people give for going back to smoking: social situations, parties, alcohol consumption and stress. This month I wish to amplify on stress. In January of 1979, Chicago and vicinity was devastated by a major blizzard. Heavy snows fell just after the New Year crippling the area. Additional snowfall continued throughout the week. During this time period I was barraged with phone calls from participants of the November, 1978 clinic claiming to be terribly nervous, upset and anxious from "not smoking." Curiously, most of them were feeling well during the month of December. They had occasional urges which lasted only seconds and were quite easy to overcome. What they were experiencing in January was different. Many felt that they were on the verge of cracking up. To them life was "just no good" without their cigarettes. Was the anxiety they were now experiencing really a side effect from giving up smoking? To any outside observer the answer to the mysterious intensification of perceived withdrawal was obvious. In fact, if our ex-smokers listened to radio or television or read the front page of any newspaper, they would have encountered a story on cabin fever. By simply comparing their symptoms with those accompanying cabin fever they would understand what was happening. Attributing the anxiety to smoking cessation was transference of blame. In fact, they were having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation - confinement due to the blizzard. They would have had the same anxiety whether or not they had given up cigarettes. The above story illustrates an atypical time period in which numerous people experience similar complaints. In everyday life inherent problems exist. Work, family, friends, and money can all contribute to daily distress. Ex-smokers often think that if they just take a cigarette during a stressful episode the situation will be solved. For example, consider a person who finds he has a flat tire in a parking lot during a freezing rain. When encountering this kind of misfortune, the ex-smoker's first reaction often is, "I need a cigarette." What will actually solve this problem is changing the tire, and driving off in a warm car. What would a cigarette do to help this situation? It only makes the person see the flat tire longer and freeze more. This adds up to greater frustration. The first puff will probably reinforce the addiction to cigarettes which is a much greater crisis than the flat tire ever was. In fact, taking the first puff almost always results in a bigger problem than the crisis that "caused" them to take the puff. Even in a real catastrophe, such as a death in the family, injuries, illnesses, flooding resulting in major property loss, bankruptcy and so on, a cigarette will not solve the problem. It will just add another major problem to the originally bad situation. Remember, smoking cannot solve problems of daily living. No matter what the problem, there is a more effective way of solving it than smoking. In fact, a smoker's health risks are a real problem that can only be solved if they - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 4/24/2006 11:17 AM |
New reactions to anger as an ex-smoker Dealing with emotional loss has similarities to dealing with anger in regards to smoking cessation and its aftermath. When a smoker encounters a person or situation that angers them, they initially feel the frustration of the moment, making them, depending on the severity of the situation, churn in side. This effect in non-smokers or even ex-smokers is annoying to say the least. The only thing that resolves the internal conflict for a person not in the midst of an active addiction is resolution of the situation or, in the case of a situation which doesn’t lend itself to a quick resolution, time to assimilate the frustration and in a sense move on. An active smoker though, facing the exact same stress has an additional complication which even though they don’t recognize it, it creates real significant implications to their smoking behavior and belief structures regarding the benefit of smoking. When a person encounters stress, it has a physiological effect causing acidification of urine. In a non-active tobacco user urine acidity has no real perceivable effect. It is something that internally happens and they don’t know it, and actually, probably don’t care to know. Nicotine users are more complex. When a person maintaining any level of nicotine in their body encounters stress, the urine acidifies and this process causes nicotine to be pulled from the blood stream, not even becoming metabolized, and into the urinary bladder. This then in fact drops the brain supply of nicotine, throwing the smoker into drug withdrawal. Now they are really churning inside, not just from the initial stress, but also from the withdrawal effect itself. Interesting enough, even if the stress is resolved, the smoker generally is still not going to feel good. The withdrawal doesn’t ease up by the conflict resolution, only by re-administration of nicotine, or, even better, riding out the withdrawal for 72 hours totally eradicating nicotine via excretion from the body of metabolizing it into bi-products which don’t cause withdrawal. Most of the time, the active smoker more often uses the first method to alleviate withdrawal, taking another cigarette. While it calms them down for the moment, its effect is short lived, basically having to be redone ever 20 minutes to half hour for the rest of the smokers life to permanently stave off the symptoms. Even though this is a false calming effect, since it doesn’t really calm the stress, it just replaces the nicotine loss from the stress, the smoker feels it helped them deal with the conflict. It became what they viewed as an effective crutch. But the implications of that crutch are more far reaching than just making initial stress effects more severe. It effects how the person may deal with conflict and sadness in a way not real obvious, but real serious. In a way, it effects their ability to communicate and maybe even in someway, grow from the experience. Here is simple example of what I mean. Let’s say you don’t like the way a significant other in your life squeezes toothpaste. If you point out the way it’s a problem to you in a calm rational manner, maybe the person will change and do it a way that is not disturbing to you. By communicating your feeling you make a minor annoyance basically disappear. But now lets say you’re a smoker who sees the tube of toothpaste, get a little upset, and are about to say something, again, address the problem. But wait, because you are a little annoyed, you lose nicotine, go into withdrawal, and before you are going to deal with the problem, you have to go smoke. You smoke, alleviate the withdrawal, in-fact, you feel better. At the same time, you put a little time between you and the toothpaste situation and on further evaluation, you decide its not that big of a deal, forget it. Sounds like and feels like you resolved the stress. But in fact, you didn’t. You suppressed the feeling. It still there, not resolved, not communicated. Next time it happens again, you again get mad. You go into withdrawal. You have to smoke. You repeat the cycle, again not communicating and not resolving the conflict. Over and over again, maybe for years this pattern is repeated. One day you quit smoking. You may in fact be off for weeks, maybe months. All of a sudden, one day the exact problem presents itself again, they annoying toothpaste. You don’t have an automatic withdrawal kicked in pulling you away from the situation. You see it, nothing else effecting you and you blow up. If the person is within earshot, you may explode. When you look back in retrospect, you feel you have blown up inappropriately, the reaction was greatly exaggerated for the situation. You faced it hundreds of times before and nothing like this ever happened. You begin to question what happened to you to turn you into such a horrible or explosive person. Understand what happened. You are not blowing up at what just happened, you are blowing up for what has been bothering you for years and now, because of the build up of frustration, you are blowing up much more severe than you ever would have if you addressed it early on. It is like pulling a cork out of a shaken carbonated bottle, the more shaken the worse the explosion. What smoking had done over the years was stopped you from dealing early on with feelings, making them fester and grow to a point where when the came out, it was more severe than when initially encountered. Understand something though, if you had not quit smoking, the feelings sooner or later would manifest. Either by a similar reaction as the blow up or by physical manifestations which ongoing unresolved stress has the full potential of causing. Many a relationships end because of claming up early on effectively shutting down conflict resolution by communication between partners. Hope this helps explain why it hurts so much but also helps you to understand why it is still so important not to smoke. Joel |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 4/24/2006 11:20 AM |
Quitting can be a very lonely experience Quitting is often a very lonely experience. If you talk to people who quit a long time ago they may make comments like, "quit smoking, there is nothing to it." They may have experienced a difficult time themselves but they could have totally forgotten it. Talk to people who never smoked a day in their life and they can react with comments like, "Hey, you never should have taken up smoking in the first place." Talk to people who still smoke and they may offer you cigarettes. This all can make a person first starting a quit feel like they are alone in the world. The beauty of Freedom is that you are basically in a group that appreciates the importance of smoking cessation. Some people here have quit at the same time so it is natural that there is a certain camaraderie that is felt for them. But even the longer-term quitters still keep the significance of their quits at a level of paramount importance. They force themselves to remember how hard it was to quit, how bad it was to smoke and how much better off they are because they quit. Many who are here remember how lonely and hopeless they may have felt in the beginning or in past quits and are eager to help spare others the same feelings of isolation. Their continued participation helps everyone, including themselves maintaining their own resolve to stay quit. So remember your early experiences here and in past quits, and as time goes on you too will be able to share your success to help others. As you encounter others in your travels through life, let them know there is help out here for them. To help return the support, always be encouraging to people quitting and always make sure they understand to stay off smoking they need to never take another puff! Joel The people who are often the loneliest quitters are those who were closet smokers. They cannot share their thoughts or feelings with others around them because saying that they are having a bad time quitting is exposing the lie that they have been living for who knows how long. Along with the other problems of being a closet smoker, (see The Closet Smoker), is the isolated feelings that go along with having to be a closet quitter. To avoid ever having to live in either of these two states is as simple now as knowing to never take another puff! Joel |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 4/24/2006 11:20 AM |
The Closet Smoker
"I can't come to the rest of the sessions. Nobody in my family knows I've relapsed and if I have to come here the next five nights, I will have to tell them where I'm going. I couldn't face them after that." I've had a number of past clinic participants who had relapsed and came to the first night of the clinic to tell me they were going to try on their own, without the support of the group and the rest of the sessions, solely to avoid the embarrassment of admitting their relapse. While some do quit after staying for the first session, others just continue smoking because they just can't seem to muster up the motivation to get through the initial stage of withdrawal on their own. What follows for these closet smokers are lives complicated far beyond that of the potential life threatening health risks from smoking. More immediate of a risk is living a lie that places them in constant fear of being exposed. This will drastically reduce the amount smoked. The closet smoker will only smoke when the opportunity permits. But that means spending numerous hours every day, and possibly even entire days in a state of constant withdrawal. When they do get a chance to sneak a cigarette, what if someone sees them? What will that person think of them? Who else will they tell? Even if not seen, what about the smell? For a while the smoker may claim that the smell is from second hand smoke, but that just puts them deeper in the deception. If they do eventually get caught everyone will know that all the other times that they were being accused by some significant other, who thought they smelled it, that their denial then was a blatant lie too. While some who are reading this may think, "Who cares what other people think," you should understand that to this kind of individual, others' opinion of the smoker's strength or integrity is extremely important. If it were not, they would not have faced the initial dilemma of how to come to the clinic without admitting the failure. They are stuck in chronic withdrawal and the chronic anxiety of being caught, all for the luxury of sneaking a cigarette here and there to temporarily alleviate withdrawal whenever possible. It is obvious that the closet smoker is not smoking for enjoyment. They can't enjoy it during the act because they're afraid of being caught. The reason for lighting any given cigarette is plain and simple - the nicotine addict is getting their much needed drug fix, a fix that would not be necessary if they would just quit smoking and end the vicious withdrawal cycle. The only logical solution to this problem is to quit smoking. And while the closet smoker may eventually be successful in quitting smoking, since they were already supposed to have quit, how will they then explain the serious mood swings and other physical withdrawal symptoms (including why they seem so irritable or maybe even irrational), during the first few days of withdrawal? While it may be embarrassing to confess, it is in all probability the best solution. Admit to relapse and find the time needed to get involved in a smoking cessation support group. Also, let people around you know what you are going through. Those closest to you can often be extremely supportive and understanding, but only if they know that their help is needed. Once you do quit, do everything in your power to avoid ever having to go through quitting again. Smoking will be more expensive than you remember, more socially unacceptable, just as unhealthy and it could cost you your life It may effect your social status, making many question your general sensibilities as well as your lack of concern for all non-smokers and ex-smokers around you. If you try to hide the fact that you relapse, you expose yourself to being caught and then viewed as a liar and a cheat, all for the "joy" of a nicotine fix. Never forget what each day was like when you were a smoker and it will make it much easier to always choose to - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 4/24/2006 11:21 AM |
Quitting for Others
"My husband can't stand it when I smoke - that is why I quit." "My wife is trying to quit, so I will stop just to support her." "My kids get sick when I smoke in front of them. They cough, sneeze, and nag me to death. I quit for them." "My doctor told me not to smoke as long as I am his patient, so I quit to get him off my back." "I quit for my dog." All these people may have given up smoking, but they have done it for the wrong reason. While they may have gotten through the initial withdrawal process, if they don't change their primary motivation for abstaining from smoking, they will inevitably relapse. Contrary to popular belief, the important measure of success in smoking cessation is not getting off of cigarettes, but rather the ability to stay off. A smoker may quit temporarily for the sake of a significant other, but he will feel as if he is depriving himself of something he truly wants. This feeling of deprivation will ultimately cause him to return to smoking. All that has to happen is for the person who he quit for to do something wrong, or just disappoint him. His response will be, "I deprived myself of my cigarettes for you and look how you pay me back! I'll show you, I will take a cigarette!" He will show them nothing. He is the one who will return to smoking and suffer the consequences. He will either smoke until it kills him or have to quit again. Neither alternative will be pleasant. It is imperative for him to come to the realization that the primary benefactor in his giving up smoking is himself. True, his family and friends will benefit, but he will feel happier, healthier, calmer and in control of his life. This results in pride and a greatly improved self-esteem. Instead of feeling deprived of cigarettes, he will feel good about himself and appreciative to have been able to break free from such a dirty, deadly, powerful addiction. So, always keep in mind that you quit smoking for you. Even if no one else offers praise or encouragement, pat yourself on the back for taking such good care of yourself. Realize how good you are to yourself for having broken free from such a destructive addiction. Be proud and remember - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 4/24/2006 11:24 AM |
My Support Group is Responsible!
Case 1:
“How do you expect me to quit smoking? All of my family, friends, and work associates smoke. Whenever I try to quit they all try to sabotage my efforts. With support like that, I can't quit smoking!�?
Case 2:
“I know I will quit. Nobody wants me to smoke. My kids beg me to stop, my husband hates it when I smoke, and we're not allowed to smoke at work. I feel like a social outcast wherever I go. With all those people on my back, I know I won't fail in quitting!�?BR>
In both of the above cases, the smoker is wrong in their assessment of whether or not they can actually quit smoking. Success in quitting smoking is not primarily determined by significant others. It is based on the strength of the smoker's own desire to quit.
In case one, the smoker is blaming his failure on lack of support and actual sabotage attempts by others. But not one of these people physically forced a lit cigarette into his mouth and made him inhale. Considering that the only way he could reinforce his nicotine addiction is by inhaling a cigarette, none of his smoking associates had the final say on his success or failure.
Case two, on the other hand, was working under the false assumption that quitting smoking would be a breeze since everybody would support her because they hated her smoking. Not once, though, did she say that she actually wanted to stop for herself. She was stopping because everyone else wanted her to. In essence, she was depriving herself of her cigarettes to make everybody else happy. While she may not have lit up when surrounded by others, sooner or later she would be alone. With no one around, what personal reason does she have to strengthen her resolve not to take a cigarette?
When you joined our clinic, you may have initially blamed others for your failure or erroneously credited the clinic and others with your success. No one failed or succeeded for you. You did it. While significant others can influence how easy or difficult quitting will be, your own personal resolve is the major determinant of success or failure.
If you failed when you tried in the past, stop blaming others. Realize that your personal desire to stop was not strong enough to overcome the powerful grip cigarettes exerted on you. Rather than making one half hearted attempt after another, make a personal assessment of why you smoke and why you wish to stop. If your personal reasons are good enough, then try to stop. As long as your ammunition is strong, no one will be able to make you smoke.
On the other hand, if you quit, don't feel that the clinic or any one else made you do it. You broke free from a powerful addiction. You did it by making up your own mind, throwing out your cigarettes, and refusing to take another one no matter how much temptation you faced. For this you should be proud. And to maintain that pride for the rest of your life - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF! |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 4/24/2006 6:53 PM |
Recently, a successful graduate called me complaining that she needed a cigarette. When I inquired as to why she needed to smoke, she said that there were many problems at work and she felt that a cigarette would calm her down and make her better able to cope with the current sutuation. She went on to explain that the woman who sits across from her is always smoking which futher enhances her cravings to take a cigarette.
I asked her to describe the lady who was always smoking around her. She said, "She is a co-worker who is really neurotic. She is always a nervous wreck. We have the same boss, and he is the source of much of our tension."
There seemed to be a great inconsistency in her story. She needed to smoke so she could calm down. She saw this lady smoking which made her feel the need to smoke even more. I could understand if her smoking companion was always calm and tranquil when confronted with unbearable stress. But to the contrary, "She was NEUROTIC". It was apparent in her case that cigarettes were not an effective stress reducing technique. Upon realizing the simple inconsistency in her story, she laughed and realized that cigarettes were no answer to dealing with her stress.
Often when an ex-smoker sees another person smoking, they wish they too could have a cigarette. They may automatically think how much the person is enjoying that cigarette. The fact often is that the person may not like the particular cigarette or even realize they are smoking it. They are simply maintaining a deadly addiction, trying to avoid nicotine withdrawal.
Ex-smokers should consider how while they were still smoking they used to envy people who quit cigarettes. No matter which situation you are in, a smoker observing an ex-smoker or visa versa, the other side has its appeal. The ex-smoker has the great advantage. The ex-smoker can go back to smoking any time she wishes. The smoker cannot always quit. The ex-smoker will go hours, days and eventually weeks without thinking of a cigarette. The smoker is constantly reminded by family, friends and associates of their socially offensive habit.
So, next time you observe a helpless smoker maintaining this deadly habit, have pity on them. If they ask how you kicked it, share with them the philosophies we taught you. That may be all the assistance they need. If they need more help, they can always come to see us.
We wish you luck in helping those closest to you quit this dangerous addiction. Once they break free, always reinforce the one concept which can guarantee continued success in staying free from cigarettes. Make sure they understand to Never Take Another Puff. |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 5/5/2007 12:14 PM |
| Video Title | Dial-Up | HS/BB | | Length | Added | | Why do smokers smoke? | 2.65mb | 5.70mb | | 18:08 | 11/07/06 | |
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