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General : depression and stress  
     
Reply
 Message 1 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLilGigi8161  (Original Message)Sent: 4/29/2006 12:58 AM
I am at day 5 nicotine free and a smoker of 20 years. I had the help with this quit with Wellbutrin XL and it has helped my cravings somewhat.
I feel soooo emotional, hate my husband, hate my marriage and want to smoke, but know it is better if I quit. I feel so much better, smell better and want to be free from smokings hold. I have been through 3 months of fertility and the doctors are telling me to do IVF, need to be 2 months nicotine free (recommended) they have a whole page dedicated to smoking.(this started it and then I decided with your webpage's help I needed to do it anyway for ME) I really want this quit and am taking it day by day but can't help but feel that after I started it EVERYTHING is falling apart.
Please advise,
emotional, crying and still craving


First  Previous  2-12 of 12  Next  Last 
Reply
 Message 2 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JoelSent: 4/30/2006 12:58 PM
Hello LilGigi:
 
I am going to attach a series of articles below addressing emotional reactions that can happen after a person quits. Being that you are only five days into the quit I wouldn't jump to any conclusions that what you are experiencing is any kind of a long-term reaction. Since you titled your post here "Depression and Stress," I am going to add the full compliment or articles we have on both of those topics.
 
Hope they help.
 
Joel

Reply
 Message 3 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JoelSent: 4/30/2006 1:01 PM

Understanding the Emotional Loss

Experienced When Quitting Smoking




In her 1969 book, On Death and Dying, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified five distinct phases which a dying person encounters.  These stages are "denial," "anger," "bargaining," "depression," and finally, "acceptance."  These are the exact same stages that are felt by those mourning the loss of a loved one as well.

Denial can be recognized as the state of disbelief: "This isn't really happening to me," or "The doctor doesn't know what he is talking about." The same feelings are often expressed by family members and friends.

Once denial ceases and the realization of impending death is acknowledged anger develops.  "Why me?" or "Why them?" in the case of the significant others.  Anger may be felt toward the doctors, toward God, toward family and friends.  Anger, though, doesn't change the person's fate.  They are still in the process of dying.  So next comes bargaining.

In bargaining, the person may become religious, trying to repent for all the sins that may be bringing about their early demise.  "If you let me live, I will be a better person, I will help mankind.  Please let me live, and I will make it worth your while."  This stage, too, will come to an end.

Now the patient, becoming aware he is helpless to prevent his impending fate, enters depression.  The patient begins to isolate himself from his surroundings.  He relinquishes his responsibilities and begins a period of self mourning.  He becomes preoccupied with the fact that his life is coming to an end.  Symptoms of depression are obvious to anyone having contact with the patient in this stage.  When the patient finally overcomes this depression he will enter the last stage, acceptance.

The patient now reaches what can be seen as an emotionally neutral stage.  He almost seems devoid of feelings.  Instead of death being viewed as a terrifying or horrible experience, he now peacefully accepts his fate.

As stated above, these stages are not only seen in the dying person but likewise in the family members mourning the loss of a loved one.  However, on careful observation we can see these same stages in people who lose anything.  It doesn't have to be the loss of a loved one.  It could be the loss of a pet, the loss of a job, and even the loss of an inanimate object.  Yes, even when a person loses her keys, she may go through the five stages of dying.

First, she denies the loss of the keys.  "Oh, I know they are around here somewhere."  She patiently looks in her pockets and through her dressers knowing any minute she will find the keys.  But soon, she begins to realize she has searched out all of the logical locations.  Now you begin to see anger.  Slamming the drawers, throwing the pillow of the couch, swearing at those darned keys for disappearing.  Then comes bargaining: "If I ever find those keys I will never misplace them again.  I will put them in a nice safe place."  It is almost like she is asking the keys to come out and assuring them she will never abuse them again.  Soon, she realizes the keys are gone.  She is depressed.  How will she ever again survive in this world without her keys?  Then, she finally accepts the fact the keys are gone.  She goes out and has a new set made.  Life goes on.  A week later the lost keys are forgotten.

What does all this have to do with why people don't quit smoking?  People who attempt to give up smoking go through these five stages.  They must successfully overcome each specific phase to deal with the next.  Some people have particular difficulty conquering a specific phase, causing them to relapse back to smoking.  Let's analyze these specific phases as encountered by the abstaining smoker.

The first question asked of the group during the smoking clinic was, "How many of you feel that you will never smoke again?"  Do you remember the underwhelming response to that question?  It is remarkable for even one or two people to raise their hands.  For the most part the entire group is in a state of denial - they will not quit smoking.  Other prevalent manifestations of denial are: "I don't want to quit smoking," or "I am perfectly healthy while smoking, so why should I stop," or "I am different, I can control my smoking at one or two a day."  These people, through their denial, set up obstacles to even attempt quitting and hence have very little chance of success.

Those who successfully overcome denial progress to anger.  We hear so many stories of how difficult it is to live with a recovering smoker.  Your friends avoid you, your employer sends you home, sometimes permanently, and you are generally no fun to be with.  Most smokers do successfully beat this stage.

Bargaining is probably the most dangerous stage in the effort to stop smoking.  "Oh boy, I could sneak this one and nobody will ever know it."  "Things are really tough today, I will just have one to help me over this problem, no more after that."  "Maybe I'll just smoke today, and quit again tomorrow."  It may be months before these people even attempt to quit again.

Depression usually follows once you successfully overcome bargaining without taking that first drag.  For the first time you start to believe you may actually quit smoking.  But instead of being overjoyed, you start to feel like you are giving up your best friend.  You remember the good times with cigarettes and disregard the detrimental effects of this dangerous and dirty habit and addiction.  At this point more than ever "one day at a time" becomes a life saver.  Because tomorrow may bring acceptance.

Once you reach the stage of acceptance, you get a true perspective of what smoking was doing to you and what not smoking can do for you.  Within two weeks the addiction is broken and, hopefully, the stages are successfully overcome and, finally, life goes on.

Life becomes much simpler, happier and more manageable as an ex-smoker.  Your self esteem is greatly boosted.  Your physical state is much better than it would ever have been if you continued to smoke.  It is a marvelous state of freedom.  Anyone can break the addiction and beat the stages.  Then all you must do to maintain this freedom is simply remember - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!



Reply
 Message 4 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JoelSent: 4/30/2006 1:02 PM
New reactions to anger as an ex-smoker 

Dealing with emotional loss has similarities to dealing with anger in regards to smoking cessation and its aftermath. When a smoker encounters a person or situation that angers them, they initially feel the frustration of the moment, making them, depending on the severity of the situation, churn in side. This effect in non-smokers or even ex-smokers is annoying to say the least. The only thing that resolves the internal conflict for a person not in the midst of an active addiction is resolution of the situation or, in the case of a situation which doesn’t lend itself to a quick resolution, time to assimilate the frustration and in a sense move on. An active smoker though, facing the exact same stress has an additional complication which even though they don’t recognize it, it creates real significant implications to their smoking behavior and belief structures regarding the benefit of smoking.

When a person encounters stress, it has a physiological effect causing acidification of urine. In a non-active tobacco user urine acidity has no real perceivable effect. It is something that internally happens and they don’t know it, and actually, probably don’t care to know. Nicotine users are more complex. When a person maintaining any level of nicotine in their body encounters stress, the urine acidifies and this process causes nicotine to be pulled from the blood stream, not even becoming metabolized, and into the urinary bladder. This then in fact drops the brain supply of nicotine, throwing the smoker into drug withdrawal. Now they are really churning inside, not just from the initial stress, but also from the withdrawal effect itself. Interesting enough, even if the stress is resolved, the smoker generally is still not going to feel good. The withdrawal doesn’t ease up by the conflict resolution, only by re-administration of nicotine, or, even better, riding out the withdrawal for 72 hours totally eradicating nicotine via excretion from the body of metabolizing it into bi-products which don’t cause withdrawal. Most of the time, the active smoker more often uses the first method to alleviate withdrawal, taking another cigarette. While it calms them down for the moment, its effect is short lived, basically having to be redone ever 20 minutes to half hour for the rest of the smokers life to permanently stave off the symptoms.

Even though this is a false calming effect, since it doesn’t really calm the stress, it just replaces the nicotine loss from the stress, the smoker feels it helped them deal with the conflict. It became what they viewed as an effective crutch. But the implications of that crutch are more far reaching than just making initial stress effects more severe. It effects how the person may deal with conflict and sadness in a way not real obvious, but real serious. In a way, it effects their ability to communicate and maybe even in someway, grow from the experience.

Here is simple example of what I mean. Let’s say you don’t like the way a significant other in your life squeezes toothpaste. If you point out the way it’s a problem to you in a calm rational manner, maybe the person will change and do it a way that is not disturbing to you. By communicating your feeling you make a minor annoyance basically disappear. But now lets say you’re a smoker who sees the tube of toothpaste, get a little upset, and are about to say something, again, address the problem. But wait, because you are a little annoyed, you lose nicotine, go into withdrawal, and before you are going to deal with the problem, you have to go smoke. You smoke, alleviate the withdrawal, in-fact, you feel better. At the same time, you put a little time between you and the toothpaste situation and on further evaluation, you decide its not that big of a deal, forget it. Sounds like and feels like you resolved the stress. But in fact, you didn’t. You suppressed the feeling. It still there, not resolved, not communicated. Next time it happens again, you again get mad. You go into withdrawal. You have to smoke. You repeat the cycle, again not communicating and not resolving the conflict. Over and over again, maybe for years this pattern is repeated.

One day you quit smoking. You may in fact be off for weeks, maybe months. All of a sudden, one day the exact problem presents itself again, they annoying toothpaste. You don’t have an automatic withdrawal kicked in pulling you away from the situation. You see it, nothing else effecting you and you blow up. If the person is within earshot, you may explode. When you look back in retrospect, you feel you have blown up inappropriately, the reaction was greatly exaggerated for the situation. You faced it hundreds of times before and nothing like this ever happened. You begin to question what happened to you to turn you into such a horrible or explosive person. Understand what happened. You are not blowing up at what just happened, you are blowing up for what has been bothering you for years and now, because of the build up of frustration, you are blowing up much more severe than you ever would have if you addressed it early on. It is like pulling a cork out of a shaken carbonated bottle, the more shaken the worse the explosion.

What smoking had done over the years was stopped you from dealing early on with feelings, making them fester and grow to a point where when the came out, it was more severe than when initially encountered. Understand something though, if you had not quit smoking, the feelings sooner or later would manifest. Either by a similar reaction as the blow up or by physical manifestations which ongoing unresolved stress has the full potential of causing. Many a relationships end because of claming up early on effectively shutting down conflict resolution by communication between partners.

Hope this helps explain why it hurts so much but also helps you to understand why it is still so important not to smoke.


Reply
 Message 5 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JoelSent: 4/30/2006 1:03 PM
Normal depressive reaction or a real organic depressive episode 

I see we had some recent issues with quitting and depression and anger at the board. The fact is everyone who ever quit smoking faced these issues to some degree. I am creating a string here that covers depression from a number of angles. Some of these letters were written to my clinic graduates and others were specific answers to people who wrote questions with background histories. I think they will give everyone an overview of different physical and emotional issues around depression while quitting.

Again, some of the emotional reactions are a simple adjustment period. But some people have histories of emotional problems that may take more than the individual alone to overcome. The people involved may need to be working very closely with their doctors and medical professionals. These articles should give a little overview of those issues too.

Joel


The first letter here is in response to someone who wrote me a question regarding depression who had a past history of depression.


I take it from your post that you had been on medication for depression prior to smoking cessation. While becoming depressed upon smoking cessation is common, this depression normally subsides over time. But, when depression is a preexisting condition there are special considerations that need to be addressed. First, you may have been on a medication that initially took time to adjust, to find the right dosage for you. Now, when you quit smoking and stay on that dosage you can initially become depressed as part of the normal separation process from smoking, in a sense, feeling bad but not thinking anything is wrong. But when it doesn't subside over time you may assume that nothing can be done, its part of not smoking, you are already on an adjusted dose of depression medication and you just have to put up with it. This is a wrong assumption. Chances are even though you are on your normal dosage of medication, that dose was set while you were a smoker. This may not be the proper (normal dose) for you as an ex-smoker.

This dosing issue is not just about depression. People with many conditions may find that after cessation they must find what is normal for them. A person who is diabetic or on thyroid medications often find that the dose required as a smoker needs to be adjusted after quitting. Anyone who is on various medications that effect mood, hormonal and blood sugar levels needs to pay special attention to symptoms. Once through the first few days, and especially into the second week, if physical symptoms normally attributed to withdrawal are still manifesting, it is advisable that their doctor checks out those individuals.

I have put a few articles on the board here that I suspect you saw. There are others that I am not sure I put here or not, they were written to individuals who wrote with specific questions. While they may not apply to your specific situation, they cover a range of different depression issues. I am going to attach a string of letters here that were written to a few such individuals. If you have read part of them, keep going further down there may be more that you hadn't seen yet.

One other thing I would like to note that applies to emotions when quitting. If anyone lets emotions solely dictate actions, nobody would quit smoking. Part of the skill needed by all ex-smokers is the ability to override normal emotions, desires, impulses or urges, whatever we want to call it, the individuals wanting a cigarette or just a puff. Everyone feels it from time to time. It is going to be your intellect that is going to override the craving. That is where keeping your ammunition and focus of why you quit smoking is paramount. You have to keep remembering what smoking was doing to you making you sick and tired enough to go through initial quitting. Then you have to remember what continued smoking was capable of doing to you in the future, thoroughly capable of robbing you of your health and your life. When in emotional turmoil it is harder to keep that perspective. It is hard for everyone when in such turmoil but it is a skill that has to be honed day by day by everyone. Life will throw curves throwing people into despair. But smoking won't solve any of these curves. Smoking can cause problems that will throw your life further into despair and if left unchecked will throw your loved ones life into a premature loss of you.

Keep focused on this fact that quitting smoking is a fight for survival. It may be hard at times, but it is worth the effort. Bad times may make it harder to see this, but bad times will pass. You've experienced them before and you know they got better. Hang on to those memories that they do get better.

Again, talk to your doctor letting him or her know you have quit and have questions on the medications. Keep focused on your quit. One other thing to consider too, considering you were on medications before, you were depressed as a smoker. Never delude yourself into thinking life was always perfect before. Smoking didn't cure your depression before and it won't do it now either. For you, other medications were necessary to help with those feelings, smoking was not able to do it. Anyway, the following articles deal a little with the medication issues. Again, they may not all apply to you but kind of covers a range of reactions.

Hope this helps.

Joel


The following is another article written to a specific person who was experiencing a longer-term depression. This person was being encouraged by his or her doctor to go on an antidepressant but was resistant to the idea of needing medication.


Depression is normal in the cessation process. Almost everyone feels it to a degree, and the period of time that it lasts varies from person to person. Unlike the physical withdrawal, which is quite predictable in duration, the psychological reactions have tremendous individual variability.

I am attaching a letter here about the emotional phases of cessation. But since your reaction has been going for so long now, I would advise checking with your doctor. While quitting can be causing depression, it is possible that you do have an organic basis for depression that in a sense you were self-medicating with cigarettes for years.

If your doctor feels this is a possibility he or she may want to prescribe something for it. There are a lot of medications out there that are effective. As for safety or side effects, considering you may have been using smoking for this therapeutic purpose, a product that kills 50% of its users, the prescribed alternatives will pose minimal risks in contrast.

Or, the other hand, there may be some emotional conflicts in your life that have never been adequately addressed that are manifesting for the first time since quitting. I am attaching another letter I wrote to another person a few weeks ago that had some serious losses and was having some exaggerated reactions since quitting. I had more of a history on this person making me able to write this with some feeling that it really applied to this persons situation. I don't know if it applies to yours, but maybe in reading it you will see if it strikes a chord.

Anyway, hope this helps.

Joel


Understanding the emotional loss experienced when quitting smoking.

In her 1969 book, On Death and Dying, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified five distinct phases which a dying person encounters. These stages are "denial," "anger," "bargaining," "depression," and finally, "acceptance." These are the exact same stages that are felt by those mourning the loss of a loved one as well.

Denial can be recognized as the state of disbelief: "This isn't really happening to me," or "The doctor doesn't know what he is talking about." The same feelings are often expressed by family members and friends.

Once denial ceases and the realization of impending death is acknowledged anger develops. "Why me?" or "Why them?" in the case of the significant others. Anger may be felt toward the doctors, toward God, toward family and friends. Anger, though, doesn't change the person's fate. They are still in the process of dying. So next comes bargaining.

In bargaining, the person may become religious, trying to repent for all the sins that may be bringing about their early demise. "If you let me live, I will be a better person, I will help mankind. Please let me live, and I will make it worth your while." This stage, too, will come to an end.

Now the patient, becoming aware he is helpless to prevent his impending fate, enters depression. The patient begins to isolate himself from his surroundings. He relinquishes his responsibilities and begins a period of self mourning. He becomes preoccupied with the fact that his life is coming to an end. Symptoms of depression are obvious to anyone having contact with the patient in this stage. When the patient finally overcomes this depression he will enter the last stage, acceptance.

The patient now reaches what can be seen as an emotionally neutral stage. He almost seems devoid of feelings. Instead of death being viewed as a terrifying or horrible experience, he now peacefully accepts his fate.

As stated above, these stages are not only seen in the dying person but likewise in the family members mourning the loss of a loved one. However, on careful observation we can see these same stages in people who lose anything. It doesn't have to be the loss of a loved one. It could be the loss of a pet, the loss of a job, and even the loss of an inanimate object. Yes, even when a person loses her keys, she may go through the five stages of dying.

First, she denies the loss of the keys. "Oh, I know they are around here somewhere." She patiently looks in her pockets and through her dressers knowing any minute she will find the keys. But soon, she begins to realize she has searched out all of the logical locations. Now you begin to see anger. Slamming the drawers, throwing the pillow of the couch, swearing at those darned keys for disappearing. Then comes bargaining: "If I ever find those keys I will never misplace them again. I will put them in a nice safe place." It is almost like she is asking the keys to come out and assuring them she will never abuse them again. Soon, she realizes the keys are gone. She is depressed. How will she ever again survive in this world without her keys? Then, she finally accepts the fact the keys are gone. She goes out and has a new set made. Life goes on. A week later the lost keys are forgotten.

What does all this have to do with why people don't quit smoking? People who attempt to give up smoking go through these five stages. They must successfully overcome each specific phase to deal with the next. Some people have particular difficulty conquering a specific phase, causing them to relapse back to smoking. Let's analyze these specific phases as encountered by the abstaining smoker.

The first question asked of the group during the smoking clinic was, "How many of you feel that you will never smoke again?" Do you remember the underwhelming response to that question? It is remarkable for even one or two people to raise their hands. For the most part the entire group is in a state of denial-they will not quit smoking. Other prevalent manifestations of denial are: "I don't want to quit smoking," or "I am perfectly healthy while smoking, so why should I stop," or "I am different, I can control my smoking at one or two a day." These people, through their denial, set up obstacles to even attempt quitting and hence have very little chance of success.

Those who successfully overcome denial progress to anger. We hear so many stories of how difficult it is to live with a recovering smoker. Your friends avoid you, your employer sends you home, sometimes permanently, and you are generally no fun to be with. Most smokers do successfully beat this stage.

Bargaining is probably the most dangerous stage in the effort to stop smoking. "Oh boy, I could sneak this one and nobody will ever know it." "Things are really tough today, I will just have one to help me over this problem, no more after that." "Maybe I'll just smoke today, and quit again tomorrow." It may be months before these people even attempt to quit again.

Depression usually follows once you successfully overcome bargaining without taking that first drag. For the first time you start to believe you may actually quit smoking. But instead of being overjoyed, you start to feel like you are giving up your best friend. You remember the good times with cigarettes and disregard the detrimental effects of this dangerous and dirty habit and addiction. At this point more than ever "one day at a time" becomes a life saver. Because tomorrow may bring acceptance.

Once you reach the stage of acceptance, you get a true perspective of what smoking was doing to you and what not smoking can do for you. Within two weeks the addiction is broken and, hopefully, the stages are successfully overcome and, finally, life goes on.

Life becomes much simpler, happier and more manageable as an ex-smoker. Your self esteem is greatly boosted. Your physical state is much better than it would ever have been if you continued to smoke. It is a marvelous state of freedom. Anyone can break the addiction and beat the stages. Then all you must do to maintain this freedom is simply remember, NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!


The letter to the other person mentioned above.


Dealing with emotional loss has similarities to dealing with anger in regards to smoking cessation and its aftermath. When a smoker encounters a person or situation that angers them, they initially feel the frustration of the moment, making them, depending on the severity of the situation, churn in side. This effect in non-smokers or even ex-smokers is annoying to say the least. The only thing that resolves the internal conflict for a person not in the midst of an active addiction is resolution of the situation or, in the case of a situation which doesn't lend itself to a quick resolution, time to assimilate the frustration and in a sense move on. An active smoker though, facing the exact same stress has an additional complication which even though they don't recognize it, it creates real significant implications to their smoking behavior and belief structures regarding the benefit of smoking.

When a person encounters stress, it has a physiological effect causing acidification of urine. In a non-smoker or non-nicotine user, the level of urine acidity has no real perceivable effect. It is something that internally happens and they don't know it, and actually, probably don't care to know. Nicotine users are more complex. When a person maintaining any level of nicotine in their body encounters stress, the urine acidifies and this process causes nicotine to be pulled from the blood stream, not even becoming metabolized, and into the urinary bladder. This then in fact drops the brain supply of nicotine, throwing the smoker into drug withdrawal. Now they are really churning inside, not just from the initial stress, but also from the withdrawal effect itself. Interesting enough, even if the stress is resolved, the smoker generally is still not going to feel good. The withdrawal doesn't ease up by the conflict resolution, only by re-administration of nicotine, or, even better, riding out the withdrawal for 72 hours totally eradicating nicotine via excretion from the body of metabolizing it into bi-products which don't cause withdrawal. Most of the time, the active smoker more often uses the first method to alleviate withdrawal, taking another cigarette. While it calms them down for the moment, its effect is short lived, basically having to be redone ever 20 minutes to half hour for the rest of the smokers life to permanently stave off the symptoms.

Even though this is a false calming effect, since it doesn't really calm the stress, it just replaces the nicotine loss from the stress, the smoker feels it helped them deal with the conflict. It became what they viewed as an effective crutch. But the implications of that crutch are more far reaching than just making initial stress effects more severe. It effects how the person may deal with conflict and sadness in a way not real obvious, but real serious. In a way, it effects their ability to communicate and maybe even in someway, grow from the experience.

Here is simple example of what I mean. Let's say you don't like the way a significant other in your life squeezes toothpaste. If you point out the way it's a problem to you in a calm rational manner, maybe the person will change and do it a way that is not disturbing to you. By communicating your feeling you make a minor annoyance basically disappear. But now lets say you're a smoker who sees the tube of toothpaste, get a little upset, and are about to say something, again, address the problem. But wait, because you are a little annoyed, you lose nicotine, go into withdrawal, and before you are going to deal with the problem, you have to go smoke. You smoke, alleviate the withdrawal, in-fact, you feel better. At the same time, you put a little time between you and the toothpaste situation and on further evaluation, you decide its not that big of a deal, forget it. Sounds like and feels like you resolved the stress. But in fact, you didn't. You suppressed the feeling. It still there, not resolved, not communicated. Next time it happens again, you again get mad. You go into withdrawal. You have to smoke. You repeat the cycle, again not communicating and not resolving the conflict. Over and over again, maybe for years this pattern is repeated.

One day you quit smoking. You may in fact be off for weeks, maybe months. All of a sudden, one day the exact problem presents itself again, they annoying toothpaste. You don't have an automatic withdrawal kicked in pulling you away from the situation. You see it, nothing else effecting you and you blow up. If the person is within earshot, you may explode. When you look back in retrospect, you feel you have blown up inappropriately, the reaction was greatly exaggerated for the situation. You faced it hundreds of times before and nothing like this ever happened. You begin to question what happened to you to turn you into such a horrible or explosive person. Understand what happened. You are not blowing up at what just happened, you are blowing up for what has been bothering you for years and now, because of the build up of frustration, you are blowing up much more severe than you ever would have if you addressed it early on. It is like pulling a cork out of a shaken carbonated bottle, the more shaken the worse the explosion.

What smoking had done over the years was stopped you from dealing early on with feelings, making them fester and grow to a point where when the came out, it was more severe than when initially encountered. Understand something though, if you had not quit smoking, the feelings sooner or later would manifest. Either by a similar reaction as the blow up or by physical manifestations which ongoing unresolved stress has the full potential of causing. Many a relationships end because of claming up early on effectively shutting down conflict resolution by communication between partners.

As I said, anger is not the only emotion effecting urine acidity. Sadness does this too. The losses of your family members likely increased your smoking consumption at the time. By smoking you too may have suppressed numerous feelings and emotions during the losses. In a sense, not only did smoking impact your communication with others, but also maybe with yourself, coming to grips with certain feelings. In a sense, you may have interfered to some degree with your own personal growth at the time. And now, by quitting, these feeling are manifesting. While it may hurt at the time, it may be essential that these feeling are coming out. Beneficial in fact, making you face feelings in a way more constructive than smoking and suppressing them. And again, understand, if they are there deep seated all this time, if they didn't come out now, they were going to come out eventually. In what manner no one can predict. But the sooner you deal with the feelings, the less severe the reactions will generally be.

This above text doesn't resolve the feelings, it may just help you understand the possible problem. Talk with people here if that helps. Maybe there are more personal issues, you may find it more helpful to talk to a local professional, a doctor or therapist. Whatever you do and who ever you work with, understand, everyone will have greater interest in helping you than cigarettes will.

I know people who are afraid to take medications for mood disorders but will smoke in its place. No matter what drug would be prescribed for them, none of them would carry the risk that self-medicating oneself by nicotine carries. Smoking is lethal. Don't give cigarettes the legitimacy to treat feelings. They don't. They make them worse. They in effect minimize your ability to communicate and grow. Growth may hurt, but it beats carrying on unresolved feelings that slowly may deteriorate the quality of your life.

Hope this helps explain why it hurts so much but also helps you to understand why it is still so important not to smoke.

Will talk to you again soon.

Joel


Summary:
 
I don't want to give the impression that the majority of people become clinically depressed or need medications to deal with the normal depression phase that accompanies initial smoking cessation. The fact is that only a small percentage of people will have a full-blown organic depression occurring just after quitting smoking. But that fact is not important if you are one of these individuals. What is important is that if you believe you are organically depressed get checked out by your doctor.
 
Especially if you are a person with a past history of treatment for depression or if your depressive episode is lasting more than a week and is causing a real disruption in your life, get checked out. You may indeed benefit from treatment or maybe your physician will just give you the reassurance that you are really okay. Either way it doesn't hurt to get the situation professionally assessed.
 
Joel

Reply
 Message 6 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JoelSent: 4/30/2006 1:04 PM

I Have to Smoke
Because of All My Stress!




Stress is considered a cause for smoking by many people.  Actually, smoking is a cause of stress.  Recent correspondence dealt with reasons people give for going back to smoking: social situations, parties, alcohol consumption and stress.  This month I wish to amplify on stress.

In January of 1979, Chicago and vicinity was devastated by a major blizzard.  Heavy snows fell just after the New Year crippling the area.  Additional snowfall continued throughout the week.  During this time period I was barraged with phone calls from participants of the November, 1978 clinic claiming to be terribly nervous, upset and anxious from "not smoking."  Curiously, most of them were feeling well during the month of December.  They had occasional urges which lasted only seconds and were quite easy to overcome.  What they were experiencing in January was different.  Many felt that they were on the verge of cracking up.  To them life was "just no good" without their cigarettes.  Was the anxiety they were now experiencing really a side effect from giving up smoking?

To any outside observer the answer to the mysterious intensification of perceived withdrawal was obvious.  In fact, if our ex-smokers listened to radio or television or read the front page of any newspaper, they would have encountered a story on cabin fever.  By simply comparing their symptoms with those accompanying cabin fever they would understand what was happening.

Attributing the anxiety to smoking cessation was transference of blame.  In fact, they were having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation - confinement due to the blizzard.  They would have had the same anxiety whether or not they had given up cigarettes.

The above story illustrates an atypical time period in which numerous people experience similar complaints.  In everyday life inherent problems exist.  Work, family, friends, and money can all contribute to daily distress.  Ex-smokers often think that if they just take a cigarette during a stressful episode the situation will be solved.  For example, consider a person who finds he has a flat tire in a parking lot during a freezing rain.  When encountering this kind of misfortune, the ex-smoker's first reaction often is, "I need a cigarette."  What will actually solve this problem is changing the tire, and driving off in a warm car.  What would a cigarette do to help this situation?  It only makes the person see the flat tire longer and freeze more.  This adds up to greater frustration. The first puff will probably reinforce the addiction to cigarettes which is a much greater crisis than the flat tire ever was.  In fact, taking the first puff almost always results in a bigger problem than the crisis that "caused" them to take the puff.  Even in a real catastrophe, such as a death in the family, injuries, illnesses, flooding resulting in major property loss, bankruptcy and so on, a cigarette will not solve the problem.  It will just add another major problem to the originally bad situation.

Remember, smoking cannot solve problems of daily living.  No matter what the problem, there is a more effective way of solving it than smoking.   In fact, a smoker's health risks are a real problem that can only be solved if they - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!



Reply
 Message 7 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JoelSent: 4/30/2006 1:05 PM
While most smokers actually believe that smoking was an effective stress treatment strategy (a drug that calmed them down), when it really comes down to it, smoking never truly calmed them down. All it did was administered nicotine alleviated nicotine withdrawal that was induced by stress. The illustration and text below covers this point.

The one true step that people are doing here to control their stress is getting rid of a product that should cause any thinking person a lot of worry and to stop the vicious cycle of drug feeding and drug withdrawal by always knowing now to never take another puff!

Joel

In the illustration above you can see on the left how a non-smokers reacts to stress. Without it they are happy and comfortable, when encountering stress they lose this comfort and depending on its severity they can get either mildly annoyed or really upset. The resolution of the stress will normally bring the non-smoker back to the original state of comfort, after a little time of cooling down of course.

Smokers are much more complex. Stress has an affect on all people--it makes the urine acidic. Both smokers and non-smokers experience this phenomena. In non-smoker smokers, the urine acidity has no real visible or perceivable effects--smokers are much more complicated. After the initial stress a smoker will feel like a non-smoker encountering stress, for a few seconds. But then the delineation occurs, the smoker's nicotine level depletes because of the urine acidity induced by the stress, and the smoker is kicked into a drug withdrawal state. The smoker has four ways to deal with the situation now.

First, the smoker can just smoke a cigarette. Well low and behold if the smoker does this he or she will feel "better." He or she will not feel good; he or she just won't be feeling withdrawal for the moment but still be feeling the initial stress. In essence, he or she will feel like a non-smoker under stress, not great, but not in withdrawal either.

The second way a smoker can handle the stress is to solve it and also smoke a cigarette. This results in one happy smoker. No stress now and no withdrawal, life is good at the moment. The feeling of bliss is basically the same feeling a non-smoker has who resolves his or her stress.

But then there are the other two scenarios. The smoker can solve the problem but not smoke. Here is the kicker here, the problem is resolved but the smoker is still in withdrawal, the nicotine level has dropped and problem resolution has no way to stop the nicotine depletion, only a cigarette can do that.

The worst of all situations is the smoker who cannot solve the problem and also cannot smoke a cigarette. This is a miserable situation to ever be in. You normally don't want to be around a smoker in this situation let alone being one yourself. Many smokers find themselves facing this dilemma daily since many jobs and social settings do not allow smoking yet constantly force the smoker to face stresses.

When you quit smoking these last four reactions to stress become a thing of the past. You still face stress, but you no longer have to face drug withdrawals induced by it. In essence you deal with stress in a totally different way when you don't have chronic drug withdrawals exaggerating it.

To stay in the position of being able to handle stresses with greater clarity and minimal discomfort always know that no matter what the stress, to avoid it having any long lasting and life threatening complications always remember to never take another puff!

Joel


Reply
 Message 8 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JoelSent: 4/30/2006 1:06 PM

The Real Cigarette Induced
"Roller Coaster" Ride




animated roller coaster ride

You will sometimes hear people who have quit smoking say that they experienced a real emotional roller coaster in the early days of their quits. In fact, some people put off quitting, sometimes indefinitely, because they are afraid of the emotional ups and downs they may experience during the initial cessation period.

What all smokers need to realize is that the "possible" roller coaster ride people "may" go through when they are quitting is nothing compared to the roller coaster ride people WILL go through if they get any of the numerous conditions that smoking is capable of causing.

In March of 2006 a member at the Freedom site named Sue attached the obituary for her husband Mike, who had passed away after a five year struggle with lung cancer. The original post can be seen in the 15th post in the string Honor our Fallen Comrades Parade. In that post she put up a link to the Lung Cancer Support Community website. John has had links to this site at www.WhyQuit.com for a long time but I never actually went there to read. That day though I took a look and saw that they had a series of message boards, one of them being a board of obituaries. When I went to look at Mike's notice, I saw that not only was there the obituary written by Sue but also condolences written by other members of the site.

One thing struck me in Sue's announcement and then in the attached condolences: most of the people at the site attached a log of the treatments and the complications that they had endured since their initial diagnosis. If anyone wants to see the real roller coaster kind of rides that people go through from smoking they should go read through those logs. Here is the log that Sue attached describing Mike's battle with lung cancer.


Posted: Thu Mar 02, 2006 4:01 pm
Post subject: I lost my precious Mike

I have little strength to post . I just wanted to let you know that my precious, Mike lost his battle today. I will write more later and post his obituary when we get it completed. Thank you to everyone for your love and support.

Love,

Sue



husband, Mike, 59 years old

  • 2-01 dx'd Stage 1 nsclc-9cm tumor to right lung-no lymph node involvement...
  • 4-30-01 pneumonectomy right lung removed. No follow-up chemo or radiation , but scans and xrays were done
  • 1-28-04 dx w/recurrent stage IV nsclc tumor on stump of where right lung had been removed , lymph node involvement, tumor adrenal gland -lft side,
  • 02-04-04 - taxol & carboplatin 3 treatments-didn't work
  • 02-12-04 - radiation 10 to lung for bleeding
  • 04-2-04 - taxotere had 4 treatments. shrinkage had occurred in all after 3.. continuing taxotere. making him very tired ... upper body swelling ..
  • 08-01-04 - in hospital latest..
  • 08-02-04 had stent put in .. superior vena cava.. the vein was being blocked by pressure tumor.
  • 08-05-04-started 10 radiation treatments,
  • 08-30-04- started Navelbine on 3 weeks and off 1 Scan after 5 treatments show chemo Navelbine not working -slight decrease to lung mass, but slight increase to adrenal ....
  • 11-01-04-starting Gemzar ... had 3 treatments... too many side effects... Ct of chest and upper abdomen done on Dec. 2nd -results some shrinkage
  • 12-06-04-started Alimta Dec. 6th- first treatment went well Had 2nd treatment Dec. 27th ... developed a rash and is tired, but otherwise ok Scan Feb 7th, 2005 STABLE doing good continuing Alimta April 18th scans showed stable disease (after 6 Alimta treatments), but he now has pneumonitis... no more treatments until much better.. on prednisone and oxygen..
  • 05-31-05 Ct scan of chest showed pneumonitis resolved and stable cancer
  • 06-06-05-our 35th wedding anniversary... onc confirms everything resolving and stable -recommends break continued til August
  • 6-15-05 to 6-18-05 in hospital due to mental confusion ... had MRI-member empty head club
  • 8-3-2005-Ct scans chest , abdomen and pelvic....Waiting and praying...
  • 8-8-2005-Ct results were that the chest area looked improved, but the adrenal area had increased and involved some lymph nodes. Started Tarceva 150mg
  • 8-16-2005-8-20-2005 stopped 2 weeks due to severe rash on 9-8-2005 started back on Tarceva at 100 mg now.. stopped again on 9-19-2005
  • 9-30-2005 - scans slight progression to nodes behind adrenal..
  • 10-10-2005-Camptosar - CPT-11 started
  • 10-31-2005 - CPT-11 refused more CPT-11 made him extremely fatigued and nauseated
  • Dec. 6th - CTscans chest, abdomen & pelvic. shows stable but tumor compressing the esophagus..
  • Dec. 19th - had stent to trachea put in
  • Dec. 21st - he had stent to esophagus and feeding tube put in
  • Dec. 22nd .. he will ill put in hospital... vomiting and also coughing and congestion in for 4 days... home for Christmas Dec. 25th... still recuperating with antibiotics etc. Continuing cough and numerous doctor visits.
  • Jan 30th-Feb 4th- hospitalized again with cough ...Still has cough , but controlled most of the time Hasn't been able to resume chemo
  • My "prince charming", best friend, husband and soul mate, Mike, passed away March 2, 2006 after being a 5 year survivor and fighting a very courageous battle**
Sending Love and Prayers to all!!!



When people don't even attempt to quit because of the pain or suffering that quitting might cause, or throw away their quits because of some withdrawal symptom, I think they are truly lacking the understanding of just what kind of pain and suffering not quitting can really end up causing them. When I saw the log above as well as all of the others attached to the string, it hit home again just how important a mission we are trying to accomplish at Freedom. I asked Sue if it was okay with her if we used this log at Freedom. Here is an excerpt of Sue's response:

"Please feel free to use the "log" or "profile" I have on the cancer site . I know in my heart, Mike would want to share any information we could provide you with if you think it could help to portray the very real consequences smoking had in store for him and so many others. The log really is quite long isn't it? Yes, it is the true meaning of "roller coaster rides".

Mike began his fight with lung cancer 5 years ago in 2001. You will note on the profile that he was diagnosed in February of 2001 and he had a pneumonectomy - right lung removed on April 30th of that year. He then had to start fighting the battle anew with his recurrence diagnosed January of 2004. He had barely recuperated from that initial surgery when he was again diagnosed with recurrence. This time it was not considered curable .

Mike went through seven different kinds of chemotherapy and a total of 20 radiation therapy treatments, not to mention the one that he had just 2 days before his death. All of this in an effort to live a little longer.

He endured what seemed like hundreds of needles, scans, x-rays and other invasive tests along the way. We went through each step with optimism and praying for positive results. Sometimes we got them and sometimes we didn't.

The treatments themselves, undertaken to try and kill the cancer, would often take him to a point that seemed to be so very near death. A "good day" was to be able to stay awake, most of the day, and eat without being nauseous. He lived the last year dependent on oxygen 24/7, having to have breathing treatments 3 times a day plus bronchiodiating inhalers twice a day. He went through 2 months in the middle of last year where he was on medication that caused a psychosis and he didn't know what he was doing. This is just touching on the highlights, but when we got to the end of his days, his body wasted away rapidly and his breathing was labored - something I will never, ever forget. It would have surely been easier to have quit smoking or to never have smoked many years before."

I don't want to minimize the discomfort that some people go through while first quitting smoking. I do want to make it clear though that the pain and suffering that a person may go through if they don't quit and end up developing a smoking related illness, is likely to be a whole lot worse than whatever withdrawal "may" have caused them. Then, there is the ongoing emotional pain and suffering that is left for the people who lose their loved ones to smoking related deaths.

So, can quitting smoking end up in sensations of being on a roller coaster ride? Maybe so, but all people quitting should realize that it is a short ride, and more importantly, that it is a ride that can extend their life and improve the overall quality of their life for years and decades to come. Whatever discomfort a person may initially encounter when quitting smoking will be worth the effort when he or she considers how short this particular ride will be in the grand scheme of things and that he or she will never have to go on it again as long as he or she makes and continues to stick to a personal commitment to Never Take Another Puff!


Reply
 Message 9 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JoelSent: 4/30/2006 1:07 PM

How would you deal with

the following situations?




Your 2-year-old is having a temper tantrum because he wants a new toy. Would you;

  1. Leave him alone until he calmed down
  2. Give into his demands
  3. Give him a tranquilizer

Your 7-year-old is anxious about next weeks' Little League tryouts. Would you;

  1. Assure him that he can do it
  2. Practice with him and tell him to try his best
  3. Give him a valium every three hours until the game

Your 14-year-old is crushed when she is not asked to the sophomore dance. Would you;

  1. Fix her up with one of your friend's children
  2. Tell her to go anyway
  3. Give her cocaine to pick up her spirits

Your 15-year-old is self-conscious about being 5 pounds overweight. Would you;

  1. Cook lower calorie meals
  2. Enroll her in a diet or exercise program
  3. Put her on appetite suppressants

All of these young people are experiencing what adults would consider "growing pains."  A little time, patience and positive reassuring will help them overcome all of these difficult situations.

The fact is, as long as anyone continues to develop physically, emotionally, intellectually, professionally or spiritually, they too will experience growing pains.  Adults are prone to hurt, pain, sadness, depression and anxiety just as children are.  These feelings are all necessary if we wish to continue to develop our minds and bodies.  Without such growth, we would not experience happiness, satisfaction, contentment or purpose to their full extent.

The third choice in each of the above situations was, of course, ridiculous.  We would not subject our children to chemical hazards to overcome such trivial problems.  However, as adults we are fully capable of practicing such dangerous behaviors for our own relief.  Take cigarette smoking as an example.

When you were still a smoker, how many times would you say you had to smoke because you were lonely and sad without your friendly cigarettes?  How many times did you say that you had to smoke because of all the stress in your life?  How many times did you tell yourself that many social activities were just not fun without your cigarettes?  How many times did you say that you would gain too much weight if you quit smoking?  All you were saying was that you needed nicotine, a drug, to overcome everyday life problems.

It was not until you were off cigarettes that you realized you could overcome such problems without smoking, and in most cases more effectively than when you were a smoker.  Once you had quit you realized just how much a source of stress the habit was to you.  You were caught by a socially unacceptable and physically deadly addiction and were quite often aware of it.  This is when you had the desire to give them up, but thought the pain of quitting too great to even attempt it.

Even today, you probably still desire an occasional cigarette.  It may be in a stressful situation, at a party after a few drinks, or at a time when you find yourself alone with nothing better to do.  The fact is, there is nothing worse you can do than take a cigarette.  One cigarette will not help you over the problem.  In reality, it will create a new problem, a disastrous situation of a reinforced addiction, with all the physical dangers and associated dirty habits.

So, next time you have the desire for a cigarette, sit back and take a few moments to reflect upon what you are setting yourself up for.  Do you need that drug?  Do you want that addiction?  If not, simply remember - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!




Reply
 Message 10 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JoelSent: 4/30/2006 1:08 PM

Quitting for Others



"My husband can't stand it when I smoke - that is why I quit."  "My wife is trying to quit, so I will stop just to support her."  "My kids get sick when I smoke in front of them.  They cough, sneeze, and nag me to death.  I quit for them."  "My doctor told me not to smoke as long as I am his patient, so I quit to get him off my back."  "I quit for my dog."

All these people may have given up smoking, but they have done it for the wrong reason.  While they may have gotten through the initial withdrawal process, if they don't change their primary motivation for abstaining from smoking, they will inevitably relapse.  Contrary to popular belief, the important measure of success in smoking cessation is not getting off of cigarettes, but rather the ability to stay off.

A smoker may quit temporarily for the sake of a significant other, but he will feel as if he is depriving himself of something he truly wants.  This feeling of deprivation will ultimately cause him to return to smoking.  All that has to happen is for the person who he quit for to do something wrong, or just disappoint him.  His response will be, "I deprived myself of my cigarettes for you and look how you pay me back!  I'll show you, I will take a cigarette!"  He will show them nothing.  He is the one who will return to smoking and suffer the consequences. He will either smoke until it kills him or have to quit again.  Neither alternative will be pleasant.

It is imperative for him to come to the realization that the primary benefactor in his giving up smoking is himself.  True, his family and friends will benefit, but he will feel happier, healthier, calmer and in control of his life.  This results in pride and a greatly improved self-esteem.  Instead of feeling deprived of cigarettes, he will feel good about himself and appreciative to have been able to break free from such a dirty, deadly, powerful addiction.

So, always keep in mind that you quit smoking for you.  Even if no one else offers praise or encouragement, pat yourself on the back for taking such good care of yourself.  Realize how good you are to yourself for having broken free from such a destructive addiction.  Be proud and remember - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!



Reply
 Message 11 of 12 in Discussion 
From: JoelSent: 4/30/2006 1:10 PM
Smoking and Pregnancy
 
 
I saw yesterday where one member stated she was quitting smoking because she was planning for having a child and another post where a member actually found out she was pregnant. While it is always paramount for long-term success in smoking cessation that the smoker focuses on the fact that he or she is quitting for his or her own primary benefit, this is an area that a woman needs to take a little extra consideration for another life.
 
There are great risks posed to the unborn child if women smoke while pregnant. There is a greater risk of smaller babies, sicker babies, stillbirths, and more death within the first year of life. Children who grow up in smoking households have more chronic colds and respiratory diseases.
 
I haven't researched this area for quit sometime, but I know years ago that there were some pretty strong studies that showed that if women quit smoking during the first trimester of pregnancy, the risk of low birth weight babies were reduced back to non-smoking mothers again. It seemed at least at that time that a good part of the danger was induced smoking past that time period.
 
It is important for women who are in the stage of their lives of family planning take their smoking into consideration. The idea of just quitting to get pregnant or having a baby can pose a risk after the baby is delivered. You can figure now that the risks are now gone, you quit for the important time period. But still keep in mind that even though you did your baby a favor by quitting, you really did yourself the bigger favor.
 
For not only did you reduce the risk to your baby, you reduced your risk of being sicker throughout your life and eventually dying prematurely--you increased your ability to be active with your baby, throughout his or her life, even when your baby becomes an adult. You increased the odds that you will be around to see your baby eventually have children of his or her own, and even then you can be an active participant in yet another generation, as opposed to an elderly person on oxygen who watches family events from the sidelines, if you can even go to see them at all.
 
Quitting for pregnancy is a reason to start your quit. Staying off though is more comprehensive than this. There are many other benefits that go along with staying an ex-smoker that will stick with you throughout your entire life. To keep these benefits, always remember that the best way to improve "your" overall health and quality of life is to never take another puff!
 
Joel
 
Here is a link to the CDC fact sheet on smoking and pregnancy. There are plenty of other sites that I am sure have similar information too. I just went for the first one that popped up in a search engine.
 
Other discussions, studies and articles in this thread include ...
  • Message 2 & Message 3   Quitting during pregnancy sometimes seeming absurdly easy  (Joel)
  • Message 7 Postpartum return to smoking among usual smokers who quit during pregnancy (2001 study)
  • Message 8, Message 11    NRT during pregnancy (Joel)
  • Message 13  Smoking, Sex and Reproduction (ASH Fact Sheet)
  • Message 17 Mothers who smoke may be hearing from colicky babies (2001 news article)
  • Message 18  Prenatal Nicotine Exposure Evokes Alterations of Cell Structure in Hippocampus and Somatosensory Cortex (2002 study)
  • Message 24  Nicotinic receptor expression following nicotine exposure via maternal milk (2002 study)
  • Message 25 Fetal Nicotine Exposure Tied to Breathing Problems (2002 news article)
  • Message 26  Altered Breathing Pattern after Prenatal Nicotine Exposure in the Young Lamb (2002 study)
  • Message 27   Smoking Moms Boost Unborn Babies' Autism Risk (2002 news article)
  • Message 28  When Moms Smoke, Certain Kids Are More Vulnerable to Respiratory Disease; Children With Key Common Genetic Variation Are More Susceptible to Asthma and Other Breathing Problems If Exposed to Tobacco in Womb (2002 news article)
  • Message 30 Study Suggests Why Cigarette Smoke a SIDS Risk (2002 news article)
  • Message 36   Joel discussing how quitting for the fetus or baby is not quitting for you.
  • Message 37  Joel discussing post-partum relapse
  • Message 38  Dangers of smoking while pregnant need to be emphasized by health care providers (2002 article)
  • Message 39  A reexamination of smoking before, during, and after pregnacy (2002 study)
  • Message 42  Many Women Return to Smoking After Pregnancy (2003 article)
  • Message 47 Study: Smoking During Pregnancy Impairs Fetal Development (2003 article)
  • Message 54 SIDS prevention--good progress, but now we need to focus on avoiding nicotine (2004 study)

Reply
 Message 12 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLilGigi8161Sent: 4/30/2006 10:13 PM
Hi Joel,
Thank you for all of your posts. I am now at day 7 of being free from nicotine.
I was actually prescribed the Wellbutrin to help me quit.
Anyway, feels great to come through this, one day at a time.
 

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