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Reply
| | | From: Joel (Original Message) | Sent: 4/30/2006 12:48 PM |
I gave up about 5 weeks ago, it wasn't easy to do the cold turkey thing but i did it, it felt good when my son told me he was proud of me for giving up. I have just one problem :- i think about smoking all day long, i try to think of other things to take my mind off of it but i always come back to the thought of a cigarette. The annoying thing is my partner still smokes (he has to have them outside in the garden now) when he comes near me i cringe, he absolutely stinks, i know i don't want to smell like that again or stink our home out with smoke the way it was before, so why am i finding it so difficult to get the thoughts of cigarettes out of my head ? i can taste them, smell them, i even dream about them. I'm going to end up looking like a Wrigleys extra mint shortly all i do is chew them one after the other to get a clean blast of air through my lungs and to stop me picking up a cigarette because my fingers are twitching. 'm desperate to understand what is going on here, please help.
Regards
Carol |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 4/30/2006 2:13 PM |
Since your partner still smokes: |
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Carol,
My name is Joseph. I am a nicotine addict who has been nicotine free for more than 1.5 years. I was able to quit and remain nicotine free by learning about my addiction at www.whyquit.com. I have a great deal of respect for Joel and his efforts to help people overcome their addiction to nicotine by teaching them about it. It is by understanding what we are up against that enables us to make the choice to remain nicotine free. We no longer feel as though we are depriving ourselves of anything, we are grateful to have come to our senses long enough to choose freedom over withdrawl prevention by inhaling burning tobacco smoke for the nicotine it contains.
You don't want a cigarette Carol, you want the nicotine it contains. You want the nicotine because you are addicted to it and you believe that it will offer you relief from the internal struggle you are having over whether to smoke or not. Smoking would certainly end that internal debate, but so would making up your mind that you have already quit smoking. If you are questioning your decsion because you are tempted by your partners smoking then write down your reasons for having quit. Reinforce your decision, not your doubts.
You are fixated on the idea that cigarette smoking will relieve your frustration but indeed it will only reinforce your addiction. You will have returned to the same cycle of smoking and falling levels of nicotine in your blood, followed by more smoking, an endless cycle of using cigarette smoke to stave off withdrawl for another 40 minutes.
You have chosen instead to break free from that cycle. At 5 weeks you have broken free, yet you don't even realize it because you are still looking back longing for a life that 5 weeks ago you were probably wishing you could break free from. This is not practice Carol for when you really quit, you have quit. Take pride in what you have done because although it may not be easy in the beginning, the payoff for remaining nicotine free is enormous.
I encourage you to visit www.whyquit.com and read as much as time allows until you fully understand your addiction. The wisdom of remaining nicotine free wins over the ignorance that kept us seeking relief inside the paper tube that contains the drug to which we are addicted. You can't expect to overcome your addiction by feeding yourself the drug to which you are addicted.
Joseph |
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Joseph, Thanks for your message, when i asked Joel what was going on with me i had no idea that i could also get messages from others. Its nice of you to take the time to help others. Like so many other quitters i have smoked 30+ years, but now i am so pleased that i have found this website, its good to feel that you are not alone and that everyone has similar feelings..cravings...emotions about why we are quitting..... why it hurts so much to let that 'friend' go...why it feels so good......sentiments about each cigarette i ever had, i used to think they'd all been good.......i know better now. My main task now is to tell that voice in my head where to get off.....thats what gets me down the most, the constant nagging. Well, i guess we all eventually switch off and ignore it when folks keep on nagging all the time. I had a pretty stressful day yesterday, i did good though, each time i thought i should have had a cigarette i managed to get rid of the thought quite quickly and when i was battling with my inner voice i kept coming back to www.whyquit.com to reinforce my sensible thoughts that were trying to creep through. I intend to take one day at a time from now on, looking forward to good things i can do with my family that we can enjoy, without me worrying about where i can fit the next cigarette into it all, or worrying if cigarette smokers are allowed to be there. Thats not me anymore, i'm nicotine free and gonna stay that way. 6 weeks today - yipee! Carol |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 5/6/2006 12:44 AM |
My Cigarette, My Friend
How do you feel about a friend who has to go everywhere with you? Not only does he tag along all the time, but since he is so offensive and vulgar, you become unwelcome when with him. He has a peculiar odor that sticks to you wherever you go. Others think both of you stink.
He controls you totally. When he says jump, you jump. Sometimes in the middle of a blizzard or storm, he wants you to come to the store and pick him up. You would give your spouse hell if he or she did that to you all the time, but you can't argue with your friend. Sometimes, when you are out at a movie or play he says he wants you to go stand in the lobby with him and miss important scenes. Since he calls all the shots in your life, you go.
Your friend doesn't like your choice of clothing either. Instead of politely telling you that you have lousy taste, he burns little holes in these items so you will want to throw them out. Sometimes, he tires of the furniture and gets rid of it too. Occasionally, he gets really nasty and decides the whole house must go.
He gets pretty expensive to support. Not only is his knack of property destruction costly, but you must pay to keep him with you. In fact, he will cost you thousands of dollars over your lifetime. And you can count on one thing, he will never pay you a penny in return.
Often at picnics you watch others playing vigorous activities and having lots of fun doing them. But your friend won't let you. He doesn't believe in physical activity. In his opinion, you are too old to have that kind of fun. So he kind of sits on your chest and makes it difficult for you to breathe. Now you don't want to go off and play with other people when you can't breathe, do you?
Your friend does not believe in being healthy. He is really repulsed by the thought of you living a long and productive life. So every chance he gets he makes you sick. He helps you catch colds and flu. Not just by running out in the middle of the lousy weather to pick him up at the store. He is more creative than that. He carries thousands of poisons with him which he constantly blows in your face. When you inhale some of them, they wipe out cilia in your lungs which would have helped you prevent these diseases.
But colds and flu are just his form of child's play. He especially likes diseases that slowly cripple you - like emphysema. He considers this disease great. Once he gets you to have this, you will give up all your other friends, family, career goals, activities - everything. You will just sit home and caress him, telling him what a great friend he is while you desperately gasp for air.
But eventually your friend tires of you. He decides he no longer wishes to have your company. Instead of letting you go your separate ways, he decides to kill you. He has a wonderful arsenal of weapons behind him. In fact, he has been plotting your death since the day you met him. He picked all the top killers in society and did everything in his power to ensure you would get one of them. He overworked your heart and lungs. He clogged up the arteries to your heart, brain, and every other part of your body. In case you were too strong to succumb to this, he constantly exposed you to cancer causing agents. He knew he would get you sooner or later.
Well, this is the story of your "friend," your cigarette. No real friend would do all this to you. Cigarettes are the worst possible enemies you ever had. They are expensive, addictive, socially unacceptable, and deadly. Consider all this and - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
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| | | From: Joel | Sent: 5/6/2006 12:45 AM |
From the Freedom site:
Quitting is often a very lonely experience. If you talk to people who quit a long time ago they may make comments like, "quit smoking, there is nothing to it." They may have experienced a difficult time themselves but they could have totally forgotten it. Talk to people who never smoked a day in their life and they can react with comments like, "Hey, you never should have taken up smoking in the first place." Talk to people who still smoke and they may offer you cigarettes. This all can make a person first starting a quit feel like they are alone in the world.
The beauty of Freedom is that you are basically in a group that appreciates the importance of smoking cessation. Some people here have quit at the same time so it is natural that there is a certain camaraderie that is felt for them. But even the longer-term quitters still keep the significance of their quits at a level of paramount importance. They force themselves to remember how hard it was to quit, how bad it was to smoke and how much better off they are because they quit.
Many who are here remember how lonely and hopeless they may have felt in the beginning or in past quits and are eager to help spare others the same feelings of isolation. Their continued participation helps everyone, including themselves maintaining their own resolve to stay quit. So remember your early experiences here and in past quits, and as time goes on you too will be able to share your success to help others.
As you encounter others in your travels through life, let them know there is help out here for them. To help return the support, always be encouraging to people quitting and always make sure they understand to stay off smoking they need to never take another puff!
Joel |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 5/6/2006 12:46 AM |
I Have to Smoke Because of All My Stress!
Stress is considered a cause for smoking by many people. Actually, smoking is a cause of stress. Recent correspondence dealt with reasons people give for going back to smoking: social situations, parties, alcohol consumption and stress. This month I wish to amplify on stress.
In January of 1979, Chicago and vicinity was devastated by a major blizzard. Heavy snows fell just after the New Year crippling the area. Additional snowfall continued throughout the week. During this time period I was barraged with phone calls from participants of the November, 1978 clinic claiming to be terribly nervous, upset and anxious from "not smoking." Curiously, most of them were feeling well during the month of December. They had occasional urges which lasted only seconds and were quite easy to overcome. What they were experiencing in January was different. Many felt that they were on the verge of cracking up. To them life was "just no good" without their cigarettes. Was the anxiety they were now experiencing really a side effect from giving up smoking?
To any outside observer the answer to the mysterious intensification of perceived withdrawal was obvious. In fact, if our ex-smokers listened to radio or television or read the front page of any newspaper, they would have encountered a story on cabin fever. By simply comparing their symptoms with those accompanying cabin fever they would understand what was happening.
Attributing the anxiety to smoking cessation was transference of blame. In fact, they were having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation - confinement due to the blizzard. They would have had the same anxiety whether or not they had given up cigarettes.
The above story illustrates an atypical time period in which numerous people experience similar complaints. In everyday life inherent problems exist. Work, family, friends, and money can all contribute to daily distress. Ex-smokers often think that if they just take a cigarette during a stressful episode the situation will be solved. For example, consider a person who finds he has a flat tire in a parking lot during a freezing rain. When encountering this kind of misfortune, the ex-smoker's first reaction often is, "I need a cigarette." What will actually solve this problem is changing the tire, and driving off in a warm car. What would a cigarette do to help this situation? It only makes the person see the flat tire longer and freeze more. This adds up to greater frustration. The first puff will probably reinforce the addiction to cigarettes which is a much greater crisis than the flat tire ever was. In fact, taking the first puff almost always results in a bigger problem than the crisis that "caused" them to take the puff. Even in a real catastrophe, such as a death in the family, injuries, illnesses, flooding resulting in major property loss, bankruptcy and so on, a cigarette will not solve the problem. It will just add another major problem to the originally bad situation.
Remember, smoking cannot solve problems of daily living. No matter what the problem, there is a more effective way of solving it than smoking. In fact, a smoker's health risks are a real problem that can only be solved if they - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF! |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 5/6/2006 12:47 AM |
How would you deal with the following situations?
Your 2-year-old is having a temper tantrum because he wants a new toy. Would you;
1. Leave him alone until he calmed down
2. Give into his demands
3. Give him a tranquilizer
Your 7-year-old is anxious about next weeks' Little League tryouts. Would you;
1. Assure him that he can do it
2. Practice with him and tell him to try his best
3. Give him a valium every three hours until the game
Your 14-year-old is crushed when she is not asked to the sophomore dance. Would you;
1. Fix her up with one of your friend's children
2. Tell her to go anyway
3. Give her cocaine to pick up her spirits
Your 15-year-old is self-conscious about being 5 pounds overweight. Would you;
1. Cook lower calorie meals
2. Enroll her in a diet or exercise program
3. Put her on appetite suppressants
All of these young people are experiencing what adults would consider "growing pains." A little time, patience and positive reassuring will help them overcome all of these difficult situations.
The fact is, as long as anyone continues to develop physically, emotionally, intellectually, professionally or spiritually, they too will experience growing pains. Adults are prone to hurt, pain, sadness, depression and anxiety just as children are. These feelings are all necessary if we wish to continue to develop our minds and bodies. Without such growth, we would not experience happiness, satisfaction, contentment or purpose to their full extent.
The third choice in each of the above situations was, of course, ridiculous. We would not subject our children to chemical hazards to overcome such trivial problems. However, as adults we are fully capable of practicing such dangerous behaviors for our own relief. Take cigarette smoking as an example.
When you were still a smoker, how many times would you say you had to smoke because you were lonely and sad without your friendly cigarettes? How many times did you say that you had to smoke because of all the stress in your life? How many times did you tell yourself that many social activities were just not fun without your cigarettes? How many times did you say that you would gain too much weight if you quit smoking? All you were saying was that you needed nicotine, a drug, to overcome everyday life problems.
It was not until you were off cigarettes that you realized you could overcome such problems without smoking, and in most cases more effectively than when you were a smoker. Once you had quit you realized just how much a source of stress the habit was to you. You were caught by a socially unacceptable and physically deadly addiction and were quite often aware of it. This is when you had the desire to give them up, but thought the pain of quitting too great to even attempt it.
Even today, you probably still desire an occasional cigarette. It may be in a stressful situation, at a party after a few drinks, or at a time when you find yourself alone with nothing better to do. The fact is, there is nothing worse you can do than take a cigarette. One cigarette will not help you over the problem. In reality, it will create a new problem, a disastrous situation of a reinforced addiction, with all the physical dangers and associated dirty habits.
So, next time you have the desire for a cigarette, sit back and take a few moments to reflect upon what you are setting yourself up for. Do you need that drug? Do you want that addiction? If not, simply remember - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!
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Joel Thanks for your words of wisdom, its strange isn't it, sometimes things are staring you in the face but you can't see the wood for the trees. I find that i'm reading things now and soaking up information like a sponge, i'm interested in information and better still life itself. I guess i'm moving out of the grey misty world i lived in, into a clean colourful world i'd forgotten existed. I'm having some wonderful cuddles form my son and tremendous looks of admiration, i guess he thinks its nice to come near me now that i don't smell like an old ashtray anymore. I rarely ever go out to socialise i've always been happy to stay home and look after my family, but this weekend it was an old friend's 40th birthday party, so i decided to go. I will say i was dreading going and admit it was hard, everyone i knew there are smokers. There was only myself and one other girl at the table not smoking (she had never smoked) Me, well i was armed with a head full of reasons not to give in to the craves and urges thanks to this great website. It was late in the night when one of the group said ' i thought you smoked? you are a heavy smoker are'nt you?... its a nice feeling to be able to tell people that i don't use cigarettes, its even better to refuse one thats offered and not feel its the end of the world, the best bit was that it took them until 10pm at night to remember i'd ever smoked, so i must look and behave like a non smoker now. I quit because my bloke was ill, i thought it was'nt fair to keep on when he had stopped and was obviously trying so hard to keep off. I knew straight away this quit had something different about it, i wanted it to work. It was only when my bloke started again i felt cheated. I'm glad i found this website it's the best form of support a person can get, reminders and notes about other peoples sucess, its great to see people wish each other well on their journey through recovery and comiserate on their sadness when circumstance intervenes, i hope you all keep up the good work, cos it never seems like there are many people out there that would selflessly give time to help, its nice to know there are some kind hearts still around. Regards to you all Carol |
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