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: Quitting for the "last" time |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel (Original Message) | Sent: 5/23/2006 2:13 PM |
I called the national quitline that I heard on a commercial and a very nice lady named Melody refered me to your fasinataing web site. My quit date is and has been set for tomorrow morning (5-23-06) and the preasure of trying to quit again pushed me into calling that silly commercial I always giggle at. Who me, I don't need help, or do I ??? Oh Boy Do I . I had tried the patches a few years back, nope. I tried the gum in the early ninties, almost had a heartattack smoking with it. Tried the perscription fake cigarette, still smoke, I have smoked since ( irony here) 1972. YES, I have smoked cigarettes since I was 12 years old, a pack a day from the day of my first "drag". And with my mother's permission to smoke at home,(but no more sneeking it in my bedroom) a carton of Marlboro, and a Zippo lighter on my 14th birthday. No I am not blaming dear old mom. I am curious as to the effect of smoking through puberty.? I mean I'm almost 46 now and have gone through menopause. so is it going to be extra hard? I'm going cold turkey this time. your sight is very good. I might call that quitline again too. email me if you can I could sure use some encouraging words. I really really have to quit. And I have a very limited support system.
Melinda |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 5/23/2006 2:20 PM |
Hello Melinda:
Don't let the fact that you started smoking at the age of twelve make you feel somehow doomed or exceptionally challenged in your ability to quit. The fact is that we have more former smokers in this country than actual smokers now that over 47 million people have quit smoking. A significant percent of these successful ex-smokers did in fact take up smoking at a very young age. I actually had a panelist serve at my last clinic who first took up smoking in third grade. He has been off smoking now for over four or five years now.
I am going to attach a few articles below that address the benefit and sometime detriments of support systems. For the record though your success is going to me based much more on your efforts at supporting your quit than on the support of others. The articles will make clear why this is the case. Hope they help you in your efforts to make and stick to a personal commitment to never take another puff.
Joel |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 5/23/2006 2:21 PM |
My Support Group is Responsible!
Case 1:
“How do you expect me to quit smoking? All of my family, friends, and work associates smoke. Whenever I try to quit they all try to sabotage my efforts. With support like that, I can't quit smoking!�?
Case 2:
“I know I will quit. Nobody wants me to smoke. My kids beg me to stop, my husband hates it when I smoke, and we're not allowed to smoke at work. I feel like a social outcast wherever I go. With all those people on my back, I know I won't fail in quitting!�?BR>
In both of the above cases, the smoker is wrong in their assessment of whether or not they can actually quit smoking. Success in quitting smoking is not primarily determined by significant others. It is based on the strength of the smoker's own desire to quit.
In case one, the smoker is blaming his failure on lack of support and actual sabotage attempts by others. But not one of these people physically forced a lit cigarette into his mouth and made him inhale. Considering that the only way he could reinforce his nicotine addiction is by inhaling a cigarette, none of his smoking associates had the final say on his success or failure.
Case two, on the other hand, was working under the false assumption that quitting smoking would be a breeze since everybody would support her because they hated her smoking. Not once, though, did she say that she actually wanted to stop for herself. She was stopping because everyone else wanted her to. In essence, she was depriving herself of her cigarettes to make everybody else happy. While she may not have lit up when surrounded by others, sooner or later she would be alone. With no one around, what personal reason does she have to strengthen her resolve not to take a cigarette?
When you joined our clinic, you may have initially blamed others for your failure or erroneously credited the clinic and others with your success. No one failed or succeeded for you. You did it. While significant others can influence how easy or difficult quitting will be, your own personal resolve is the major determinant of success or failure.
If you failed when you tried in the past, stop blaming others. Realize that your personal desire to stop was not strong enough to overcome the powerful grip cigarettes exerted on you. Rather than making one half hearted attempt after another, make a personal assessment of why you smoke and why you wish to stop. If your personal reasons are good enough, then try to stop. As long as your ammunition is strong, no one will be able to make you smoke.
On the other hand, if you quit, don't feel that the clinic or any one else made you do it. You broke free from a powerful addiction. You did it by making up your own mind, throwing out your cigarettes, and refusing to take another one no matter how much temptation you faced. For this you should be proud. And to maintain that pride for the rest of your life - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF! |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 5/23/2006 2:22 PM |
Negative support from others
I actually wrote this to a member a number of months ago because of someone making the comment to her that because she was such a basket case from not smoking she should just give up. Sometimes these comments come from people near and dear to you and can become quite emotionally shattering. Anyway, for time sake I am going to attach the originial letter here for I hope it prepares all in the event something like this ever is said by others to you. No comment, look or stare from another can undercut your quit. Only you can do that. The way is by simply disregarding the fact that you can never take another puff!
Joel
The comment you received is very common, at times I feel almost universal. Where a dear family member or friend blurts out, "If this is what you are like not smoking, for Gods sake, go back." Most of the time the person making the comment is not really considering the implications of the statement. It is comparable to you telling someone on chemotherapy, and who is in a really bad mood due to hair loss, nausea, and other possible horrible side effects, and hence, in a less than happy mood, that he or she should get off that stuff because he or she is so irritable that he or she is ruining your day. Of course, if analyzed by any real thinking person, the comment won't be made, because most people recognize that chemotherapy is a possible last ditch effort to save the other person's life. The decision to stop the treatment is a decision to die. So we put up with the bad times to help support the patients effort to save his or her life.
What family members and friends often overlook, is quitting smoking too is an effort to save the quitters life. While others may not immediately appreciate that fact, the person quitting has to know it for him or herself. Others may never really appreciate the concept, but the person quitting has to.
One thing I did notice over the years though, while the comment is made often, it is usually from a spouse, a child of the smokers, a friend, a coworker or just an acquaintance. It is much more uncommon that the person expressing it is a parent or even a grandparent. I think that says something. Parents are often used to their kids outbursts and moods, they have experienced them since they were infants. The natural parental instinct is not to hurt them when they are in distress and lash out, but to try to protect them. I think it often carries into adulthood, a pretty positive statement about parenthood.
A tragic situation is often experienced when a person does actually encourage a family member or friend to smoke and then, months, years or decades later, the person dies from a smoking induced illness. Sometimes the family member then feels great guilt and remorse for putting the person back to smoking way back when he or she remembers making the remark. But you know what, he or she didn't do it. The smoker did it him or herself. Because in reality, no matter what any person said, the smoker had to quit for him or herself and stay off for him or herself. How many times did a family member ask you to quit as a smoker and you never listened. Well if you don't quit for them, you don't relapse for them either. You quit for yourself and you stay off for yourself.
I am going to touch on the comment from one more angle. Sometimes when you were a smoker and someone does something inconsiderate or wrong that angers you and you are about to take it on, you have a sudden almost uncontrollable urge to smoke. That urge, induced by the urine acidity all of a sudden takes precedence over dealing with the person and issue at hand, and sends you off in pursuit for a cigarette. This momentary venture gives you a cooling off period and at times, you may even let the whole event slide, feeling it is not worth even mentioning now. Consider this behavior from the other person's perspective. He or she may not even know that he or she did something offensive, and even if it is recognized, paid no penalty for the infraction.
As an ex-smoker, you may not take that kind of behavior from another person, being wronged and accepting it without challenge. I am going to attach an article here you may have seen the other day but addresses this phenomena too, of taking on issues head on, especially in the beginning. Well to the other person, now having you stand up for yourself may make you seem to be a bad or terrible person. But you know what, if they were wronging you to start with, they are the instigators of the reaction. You just may not be taking be walked over any more and they will just have to get used to it. But the odds are if this is the case, they will no longer take advantage of your "good" nature and will not repeat the offending practice. So in some ways, you are educating them to be better people too.
Whatever the situation, keep focused that you are quitting for yourself and whether or not any specific person supports your effort you are behind it. We are behind you too. You will not find a single sole here who will tell you to go back to smoking. We all recognize the significance of the effort. You are fighting for your health and your life. To win that fight, no matter what, never take another puff!
Joel |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 5/23/2006 2:23 PM |
This letter was originally written illustrating the difference between the clinics I ran and other programs that existed at the time. The relevance of the concepts of this letter also applies to Freedom when compared to many other websites out there for smoking cessation. Our approach does not have universal appeal. People who really don't want to quit will find our philosophy a bit oppresive. People who do find their way here and really listen to the underlying message of treating an addiction as an addiction will find they will for the first time have the real tools to make long term smoking cessation a reality.
“I Liked My Other Smoking Clinic More!�?BR>
Almost 20 years ago when I was conducting one of my first Stop Smoking Clinics, one of the successful participants, a lady named Barbara, told me that she had once attended another clinic and liked it more than ours. I asked her how long she had quit for in that program and she said, "Oh, I didn't quit at all." I then asked her how many of the other people quit. She replied, "I don't know if anybody quit." I then asked, if nobody quit, why did she like the program more? She answered, "When I completed the program, I didn't feel bad about smoking!"
The task of any smoking clinic should be to help the participant break free from the powerful grip of the nicotine addiction. To do this, each participant needs to have a thorough understanding of both why he or she smokes and the consequences associated with maintaining use of cigarettes. Cigarettes are addictive, expensive, socially unacceptable, and deadly. How in the world can any individual or clinic realize these effects and minimize the significance to the point where a smoker doesn't feel bad smoking?
The natural impulse of most smokers is to deny the health and social implications of smoking. When he picks up a newspaper and sees a headline with "Surgeon General", he will read no further. When he hears a broadcast on radio or television about the dangers, he either totally disregards the message or maintains the false belief that the problem doesn't apply to him. But eventually, even his own body complains. He may experience physical symptoms such as coughing, wheezing, pains in chest, numbness in extremities, headaches, stomach aches, hoarseness, and a variety of other complaints. He will generally pass the blame to the weather, his diet, to his stress, to a cold or flu, to allergies or any other excuse he can muster up to protect his cigarettes.
Our clinic was designed to permanently destroy all rationalizations of smoking by the smoker. He may make up lots of excuses for smoking, but he knows that they all are lies. Our clinic will accomplish one of two goals. Either the smoker will quit smoking, or the clinic will screw up his smoking for the rest of his life. No longer will he be able to sit back at the end of a day and think to himself in ignorant bliss how much he enjoyed his cigarettes. To the contrary, if any thought of smoking is allowed to creep into consciousness, it will be anger over how stupid it was to inhale 20, 40, 60 or even more cigarettes that day, and how sad it is that he is probably going to do the same again tomorrow.
Why do we want to make the smoker miserable about smoking? Because maybe if he gets mad enough about smoking he will stop it. Sooner or later logic may motivate him to stop. Maybe he will do it on his own, or maybe he will come back to us for help. How he does it is not important; what is important is that he does quit. For, while the concepts we instill in him may make him miserable, not understanding them can cause more significant long term suffering.
If our clinic did what Barbara's first clinic accomplished--alleviating negative feelings toward smoking--it could result in the ammunition necessary to maintain smoking. Since cigarettes are responsible for over 400,000 premature deaths per year and the crippling of literally millions of others, alleviating the anxiety of smoking is not in the best interest of the smoker. Consider the physical, psychological, social, economical and any other personal consequences of smoking. Consider them all and NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF! |
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Reply
| | | From: Joel | Sent: 5/23/2006 2:37 PM |
Melinda:
I am having trouble copying and pasting articles with link into posts on this board. I just popped up a post at the Freedom board of www.whyquit.com titled "Reading at other quit smoking sites."
See if you can find your way to that article. It discusses the possible limitations of working with sites or organizations that don't fully understand or appreciate the full concept of nicotine addiction. You can still utilize these resources but it is best to do so with a critical eye and ear. The articles and concepts discussed in that string can help you develop the understanding to recognize what may very well be limitations in people who are trying to help you in your quest to never take another puff.
Joel |
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Hi Melinda, and congratulations on your decision to stop feeding your body nicotine. I also started smoking at about 13 and did finally stop using in order to to take back my life about 1.5 years ago.  Well, you said you are going to stop tomorrow, which made me think of these two: Hey, you might even want to stop NOW ... why wait any longer? I am really glad that the lady on the other end of the phone referred you to whyquit. There is so much to learn about our shared addiction and you have been directed to the right place to do exactly that. Melinda, I never thought I would be able to go without nicotine for any considerable length of time. Today, I would just like to tell anybody still smoking that they can do it, too and that this is the best they could do for themselves. We don't need nicotine to live our lives and there really is nothing to be scared of. Nothing at all. You might not have a big support system in your 3D-world but if you ever think you need one, you know where to go (or join?  ). Believe in yourself and you will soon be nicotine free and able to enjoy life to the fullest without having to rely on a drug to deal with it. As soon as you set out on your very own and personal journey of discovering or re-discovering the real you, you will be going home, too.  All the very best for your nicotine free future!  Gitte 543 days and a bit |
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You can't do anything to change your past, but you can learn from it and shape your nicotine free future ...  |
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