Hey Kate,
I started to reply to your note last night but it was positively unsupportive. I, like Bill and Katharina, totally uunderstand where you're coming from and pretty well where you are now.
Quick background on me - I was born addicted to nicotine, grew up in a large family & neighborhood of smokers and smoked from age 9 until a month shy of age 49. Some of my friends still smoke, most do not. I was one of the last holdouts. Never thought I could quit. Wanted to but 'couldn't'. You know the drill.
Here's what changed everything for me. I realized that I am a nicotine addict. The only reason I (or anybody) inhales the smoke of burning tobacco (and many fillers and additives) is to ingest nicotine.
There are no smokers - there are only nicotine users. And if you look really closely - there are no social smokers, only very different degrees of nicotine need/ to support addiction.
I am still an addict. Always have been always will be. I now choose not to be a user and a loser - of life, of breath, of self-esteem, of hard earned money spent on a product that increases my chances 50% of early death, on AVERAGE 13 to 15 years. Yeah AVERAGE - some people only a Year or two early and others 20 plus years early.
When I decided to disconnect the Cycle of Addiction
and believe that my life could be, would be better without being 100% controlled by the need to feed myself nicotine everything changed. I decided to break free. Once and for all.
I then next looked in the mirror (literally) somewhere in the first 30 days and asked myself - 'Self, who wuold you rather be for the rest of your life? An addict controlled by the need for a chemical that's killing us with every puff or a person free of the demands of an inadvertently acquired addiction who CHOOSES to no longer allow nicotine in my blood and brain by any means.'
Kate, Despite all the 'Junky Thinking' coming out in your post I believe you (the rational REAL you) wants to choose life too!
JoeJFree and living as 'Just ME' on Day 333 by choosing day by day to NTAP!