Baby steps, just one day at a time. You're doing fantastic. I like the car keys analogy. If a loss as insignificant as car keys transports us through an entire range of emotions then shouldn't we fully expect a substantially more significant encounter when ending the most intense chemical relationship your mind has ever known?
Lost car key emotions:
Denial: "I'm sure I just misplaced them." "Just keep looking."
Bargaining: "Ok, I promise to never misplace them again!" "Where are you keys, come out come!
Anger: "Where are those dang keys! They've just got to be here somewhere!!"
Depression: "I've actually lost my keys." "What am I going to do!"
Acceptance: "Ok, I'll start by calling a locksmith so I can get back in the house."
Two years later:
Complacency: "Don't tell me!" I've lost my keys again?"
It isn't just a female thing. At two weeks I was everything all you described too. As for delicate and fragile, part of our alert nicotine high was the adrenaline that accompanied the arrival of dopamine. It's almost as if we know that picking fights with others will get the adrenaline flowing again.
Patience, you're going home and, unless some underlying chronic medical condition, everything you're feeling is a natural part of recovery. You're actually watching youself slowly heal. Don't blame the symptoms on where you're going but, if you must cast blame, blame them on where you've been.
But instead of blame, I'd encourage you to accept them as part of this temporary journey of re-adjustment and true signs of possibly the most intense period healing and re-adjustment that your mind and body have likely ever known. It's a time when bad means good, and each and every step and challenge overcome means casting off additional dependency baggage as you learn to live yet another aspect of life without nicotine.
Try not to be afraid of the unknown. The calm after the storm is beauty to behold. Still just one rule ... no nicotine just one day at a time, Never Take Another Puff, Dip, Chew or Patch! With you in spirit.
John - I commended my recovery May 15, 1999