1. On a Southwest flight 245 (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit
where
you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a
flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out
furniture
here, find a seat and get in it!"

2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew,
the
pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and
will
be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the
appearance of your flight attendants."

 

3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's
something we'd like to have.

 

4. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways
out
of this airplane"

 

5 . "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you
enjoyed
giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

 

6. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a lone
voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

 

7. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, "Please take care when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,
sure as
hell everything has shifted."

 

8. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight
245
to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the
buckle,
and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you
don't
know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
unsupervised."

9. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend
from
the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.
If
you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before
assisting
with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick
your
favorite."

10. "Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds,
but
we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,
nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."