The Yarn of Fisher’s Ghost

 

(By Pip Wilson)

 

 

When Fred Fisher got choofed* out of Pommyland he never knew he’d end up spookin�?gee-gees near the Campbelltown Catholic Workers�?Club

 

* (Glossary below the yarn)

 

 

 

 

Righty-o, settle down youngsters!

 

Goodo, now ya’ve all got yer pozzies around the fire, I’ll spin yez a yarn about one of the best known ghosts in this wide brown land.

 

Have yez heard of Fisher’s Ghost? Well I’ll tell yez.

 

See, this bloke Fred Fisher, he was a cove who lived early last centu --- I mean, early in the 19th century in the Old Country. That’s right, Pommyland �?Mother England. Now, Fred, ’e was a bit of a lad, if ya knows what I mean. Truth be known, he was as crooked as a dog’s ’ind leg. He gets himself sent up before some county beak for some pommy crime, like maybe selling cold beer or supportin�?the Aussies in the cricket.

 

So the beak sez, “Fred, yer a goner, it’s Straya fer you.�?Now, it’s a thing most remarkable-like to me that anyone, let alone a man with edjucation like a pommy judge, would ever think it was a punishment to send a cove to Straya, Godzone country, but that’s what happened fair dinkum, and our Fred, he gets choofed out of Pommyland quick as can be.

 

Young Fred Fisher, he ends up in Sydney, which if truth be told probably is a bit of a laggin�?�?I know your Auntie Maureen and I had to spend two weeks there once for the Royal Easter Show and I was as mad as a cut snake the whole flamin�?time �?but then, Sydney ain’t really Straya far as I can tell.

Anyhow, Fred does his time by the book and he ends up gettin�?a ticket of leave. He even saves up a few bob and buys himself a piece of dirt at Campbelltown. He fences orf 30 acres and builds a house like, and settles in to have a peaceful life and keep his nose clean. Fred’s big mistake was his choice of neighbours �?one George Worrall to be precise. I’ll get back to that dingo in a minute.

 

Anyhow, Fred was tryin�?to get his old ways out of his system, but I guess he was a dyed in the wool larrikin, and he can’t keep out of strife. He probably liked the turps a bit �?well who doesn’t? I don’t mind the odd Yagoona meself �?and one night he found himself in a blue with a local chippie by name of Bill Brooker. Fred probably was as rotten as a Parthenon pie, and sticks young Brooker in the flippin�?bread basket with a knife. So back to the lockup it is for Freddie Fisher.

 

So he’s shut away in the boob, and he still has a farm to run, so he’s gives this dingo neighbour of his, George Worrall, power of attorney over his affairs. But when he finally gets out of the boob, it’s only a matter of days before Fred goes missing like.

 

Georgie Worrall, he shows up at the Campbelltown shoppin�?centre, which was before they had that flippin�?mall with all them dope peddlers and flamin�?video shops, and he’s poncin�?around wearin�?Fred Fisher’s clobber, ridin�?his ’orse, spendin�?quids ’and over fist and generally lookin�?as flash as a rat with a gold tooth. He tells all the Cambo lads that Freddie’s gorn back to Pommyland for a bit of a holiday like, and he shows everyone the power of attorney paper that Fred give him. So they think it’s all fair dinkum like.

 

Anyway littlies, to cut a long story short, the local boys in blue get a bit suss, and chuck Georgie in the boob for doin�?Fred Fisher in. Of course George couldn’t lie straight in bed and he sticks to his cock and bull story. Anyhow, he says, if I done Freddie in, where’s his body like?

Then, youngsters, the strangest thing happened. One night another local yokel, a bloke named John Farley, he stumbles into the Cambo rubbidy as white as a flamin�?Tally Ho, and says he reckoned he saw the ghost of Frederick Fisher. Fair dinks. He sez “I saw old Freddie sittin�?on the rail of the Fisher Ghost Creek Bridge,�?only, of course, that bridge weren’t called that in those days. But it is today. Named after Fred Fisher it was, in case you couldn’t figger that out, littlies. Anyhow, Farley sez that he saw the ghost pointin�?at a paddock nearby. Farley figgered maybe that’s where Freddie’s body might be pushin�?up the daisies.

 

Anyway, the wallopers think John Farley’s a bit bonkers, but he persuades them like to come with him with their shovels and take a bo-peep down the creek. Off go the boys in blue and start diggin�?in the paddock. Sure as I’m sittin�?here, kiddlies, they dig up the moulderin�?corpse of the hero of our story.

 

Well it goes to court, and now the coppers have a body. Georgie Worrall, he denies the lot, of course, but the beak sez he done it and puts on the black cap. Georgie was done like a dinner. Yep, he done it all right. Fact is, he fessed up on the gallows. And soon he wasn’t skitin�?like he use ta. It wasn’t the fall what killed him, it was the sudden stop.

 

Makes yez think, dunnit? Fred started off with a little drop and ended up as white as a sheet. Georgie started off with a sheet of paper and ended up with a little drop. Funny old world.

  

Any’ow youngsters, when yez go through Cambo at night, the locals say, when there’s a bit of moon and there’s mist in the paddocks near the flippin�?freeway, you can still sometimes see young Freddy Fisher, sittin�?on a rail, pointin�?his bony ’and towards one particular spot. When you see that spectral apparition, don’t be afraid, jist cross yerself and tell Mum and Dad to keep on drivin�? Fred’s dead orlright but he jist ain’t ready to lie down yet.

 

See yez another night, kiddlies. Sleep tight. Don’t let the bugs bite.

 

 

 

 

   

 
Aussie glossary
 
Gee-gee = horse

Pozzies = positions

Choof = to go

Bit of a lad = a naughty fellow

Pommy, pom = English

Beak = magistrate

Goner = one who loses

Cove = fellow

Straya = Downunder

Laggin�?= punishment; prison term