thank you eerie. i am one stubborn cookie, at some point i will crumble enough for my higher self to get to me more openly. i really think i need to quit being so stubborn lol vern

 

 

 

 

Sorry Eerie for getting this to you today. I was really tired last night. I did go to chat at wotl, and wizard, shimmering, and pagan listened to my dream. But I would like to hear what you think also.

  It starts out with me feeling urgent... I have to go to sweden and I know it has to be pretty soon. I tell my friends this, those who have known me for many years and they start telling me that I shouldn't go, I have a good job, I should go to school, etc. They keep wringing their hands and saying what about your bills, and who will we go to, and how are you going to pay for this? On and on, all except for one, who in the dream is my aunt, but in real life she isn't an aunt. She says yes you must go and I will help you.  She brings me clothes to wear and they are a style I never wear. The skirt is long, swirly, and flowing, the color is a rich cobalt blue. The top is white. It is a soft sweater and it is a shawl colar. It keeps slidding off my left shoulder, and I keep trying to keep it there. There are sandals for my feet. There are delicate straps that just keep them on my feet, but pretty much leave them bare.

  I get to sweden and I'm in uppsala. It is so beautiful, it is as I remembered it, only more so. The linden trees along the path up to the castle are lovely and I can smell the foresty smell. You know how every forest has it's own smell? Well I remember this one. I walk along the path and ahead I see a man. As I get closer I see that it is Leif. I turn to go away and he says don't go Becki, I was wrong. You are the one for me. He takes my hand and we somehow become one. He says that he will help me to realize my dreams. We start building a house, a house of learning. But the thing is the feeling that I had about, and from Leif, I have never been loved like that. That feeling has stayed with me all day and even today. At one point though I said oh no I don't want it to be Leif. Take him out of the dream, but he stayed in.

  Just a few points. I do not wear revealing clothing. Not even sandals. Yet though I did try to put the sweater on my shoulder occasinally, it didn't really bother me, and the sandals! Leif is the man that gave me the nickname, sweetkitchenkisser. He also gave me my first real kiss. His father was my sociology prof. and they were from sweden. Leif was five years older than I and though we connected sexually, there was something missing, and I knew that. Two years ago we reconnected. Leif is divorced. We got pretty intense on the internet, and then he pulled out. He said that he was going to try to love this other woman, and he was a better man for having known me, but he didn't want me in his life. So, I sent him my book, the first part where he is in it and told him that I was letting him know he was in it. No response. So, I e-mailed him and said just let me know if you got it. And he wrote back a very violent e-mail! Don't ever contact me again. I cannot have you in my life. I am not answering you, and I don't care what you do with your book, or what you write.

  I e-mailed him back and said, calm down already you are not in my life, nor am I in yours, whats your problem? And I hope that whatever it is that I have done to you, you will forgive me for it.

  He said, I have a new life, and there is nothing to forgive, just leave me alone.

  I sent one more, and I said. I forgive you. Last e-mail. You are wrong there's always something to forgive, thats what a new life is about. 

  Thats why I was so surprised that he was in my dream. After that last e-mail I felt so calm about the situation, so I really didn't like him being there.

  Whew. I'll get this letter to you. I will be here until 3:30 central time, and I will check in tonight. But tonight I will be really tired as it's my 3rd 10 hour day starting at 6:am. Love. Becki