Where Does Happiness Come From?
I was asked to interview five people and ask them what 3 things would make them happier or more successful. As I compiled the list, here are some of the recurring things I heard:
What People Say Would Make Them Happier/More Successful
* more money
* better relationships
* better job
* more time
* more recognition
* a vacation
* better education
* a reliable car
* a bigger house
* better health
* get out of debt
* better neighbors
* better in-laws
* different co-workers
* never getting laid off
* better behaving children
Do any of those sound familiar to you?
I was also asked to put together a second list. This list consisted of how happy or successful people managed to be that way. Here are some of the things I found:
Characteristics of Happy/Successful People
* open-minded
* in control
* passionate
* energetic
* sense of humor
* worry-free
* goal-driven
* good listener
* reliable
* great attitude
* optimistic
* loving
* visionary
* ambitious
* self-confident
* “spiritual�?BR>* value-driven
* helpful
Now looking at those two lists, what differences do you see?
The first thing I noticed was that several things people said would make them happier/more successful were nouns while many of the characteristics of already successful/happy people were verbs or adjectives.
As I thought about it, verbs and adjectives suggest that you have to take some action while nouns don’t.
That’s when it really began to hit me. What people say would make them happier and more successful are almost all external to them. In other words, happiness and success can only come from the outside. On the other hand, people who are already happy and successful almost always have characteristics that are internal. In other words, happiness and success is seen by them as something inside of them.
So if you think that happiness is something external, you really have little control. Success will always depend on something or someone outside of you. But already successful and happy people can control their own destiny, because they see happiness and success as something internal.
I then realized that the verbs and adjectives in the second list get you what you want on the first list—not the other way around. If I wanted to be happy and successful, I had to develop and change on the inside.
I knew this intellectually before but it never really registered until just then. Happiness and success come from the inside, not the outside. Like most people, I had been looking for happiness in all the wrong places.
Why didn’t we learn this in first grade?
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Excerpt from The Journey Posted 10/18/2004 by Josh Hinds