Stranger at the door: "We're with the government!"

Homeowner: "Well, no thanks, we've got all the government we need!"

 

"Well, it's not quite a mop, and it's not quite a puppet, but MAN... So to answer your question, I dunno."
-Homer Simpson

 

"I hate you because you're not me."
-K-Chan

 

"Look, when you get thrown off a horse, you have to get back up and shoot it, right?"
-Quinn, from Daria

 

"Don't speak Latin in front of the Books."
-Giles, in a Lucien moment.

 

"America is the only society that went from barbarism to decadence, without experiencing civilization."
-George Bernard Shaw

 

"You can't make an omelet without killing a few people."
-Mr. Croup

 

"Never underestimate the perversity of the inanimate"
-Earthur

 

"She wailed something about soap and eternal damnation and ran for the elevator."
-Jim, "Murphy Brown"

 

"Hi! I'm Troy McLure. You may remember me from such medical films as 'Alice Doesn't Live Anymore,' and 'Mommy, What's Wrong With That Man's Face?'"
-Troy Mclure

 

"...And that fluffy Kitten played with that ball of yarn... ALL through the night... On a lighter note, multi billionaire C. Montgomery BURNS has been shot..."
-Kent Brockman

 

"Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care."
-Terry Pratchett

 

"Not a man to mince words. People, yes. But not words."
-Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

 

"When the least they could do to you was everything, then the most they could do to you suddenly held no terror."
-Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

 

"Many People hear voices when no one is there. Some of them are called mad and are shut up in rooms where they stare at the walls all day. Others of them are called writers and they do pretty much the same thing."
-Meg Chittenden

 

"Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and socially insecure."
-Overman Pants

 

"Some men are discovered; others are found out."
-Discordian Quote For the Pico-second

 

"If You lose the Big Picture, the details are easy to lose."
-Dr Blaustein

 

"There are too many people, and too few human beings."
-Robert Zand

 

"Pay careful attention to the Tao-Jones Average."
-Discordian Quote For the Pico-second

 

"Jesus saves, Allah forgives, but Cthulhu thinks you'd make a tasty sandwich."
-Naomi Armitage

 

"If you're so special, why aren't you dead?"
-Discordian Quote For the Pico-second

 

"Many things are not impossible until they have been tried. After that, the universe rushes in to make it look like it's been possible all along."
-Ponder Stibbons "Last Continent"

 

"Um. No. It's not mayonnaise."
-Discordian Quote For the Pico-second

 

"My Third Eye needs contacts."
-Rob Hodgson

 

"I am so incredibly bored that I will buy a pair of your ridiculous shoes. Look grateful."
-Spider Jerusalem

 

"If you loved me, you'd all kill yourselves today."
-Spider Jerusalem

 

"Silence. I am watching television."
-Spider Jerusalem

 

"Do not offend the Chair Leg of Truth; it is wise and terrible."
-Spider Jerusalem

 

"Roof pig; how unexpected."

 

"Call no man happy, until he is dead."
-Herodotus

 

"...so often i feel a dizzying dread at being in this world; it seems to be a sort of panic terror that suddenly comes over one, the sense that one has to create gods to which one can pray..."
-Franz Marc

 

"Watch closely, pie-selling person."
- A Wizard; Terry Pratchett's "Sourcery"

 

"He goes his way. We travel a spiral. The quickest way is sometimes the longest."
-Czernobog; Neil Gaiman's "American Gods"

 

"Look at me when I'm hitting you."