I so understand what the loss of a beloved pet means. I have been fortunate that my pets have lived long lives. In adulthood I have only lost 2 dogs... and I am 57. My 2 Maltese Boris and Freddy are 7 and 8. Now the loss of my Amanda (peke at 17 years) and Danny (lab) at 12 were just devastating for me. I don't need to go in to all the emotions. You know them.
I know that as time passes things get easier.... but the losses for me can be made again fresh with little provocation.. seeing a Black peke on the street or just a random thought about how protected I felt owning a huge Lab.. all those late night walks.
I pray you work thru this.