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I am just wondering something.I have heard this term describing a spouce of a diabetic......"diabetic police".I understand it too well,from what I remember of the post it was in.My question is does your spouce drive you "crazy" at times with "being overly concerned"?I thought my wife understood this diosease better but as of late I wonder what she really knows.For instance if my blood sugars are over 15(270) she thinks that is great but if my numbers are below 8(144) she starts going on and on about how I need to get my numbers up.Or goes into rants about how she is not going to "look" after me if I goto the hospital or call the ambulance because I do not know how to look after myself and I should move in with my mom.Or my favourate complains I do nothing around the house but if I do,do something rants about how I am going to end up in the hospital.Or gets mad because I do not eat the "special treats" she either makes(pies,cakes,etc.) or buys.......I never did eat those kinds of things and it ends up either spoiling or going stale......we throw out way too much stuff.Or gets mad because I do eat it.She also thinks her way of this disease is right and I am ...................well too dumb when it comes this disease.Alot of it deals with the fact at her job at a nursinghome she is in contact with many type2 and gets informtion from the nurses there on what she(me really) should be doing........alot of it I just shake my head at..Anyway all of this is driving me nuts and jst needed to vent thanks. |
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Hi Crackpot, 144 is not low..270 is too high. Nurse that are telling your wife that 144 are too low are ....well not knowledgeable on diabetes and than your wife making all those pies and cakes than gets upset because you don't eat them ?? doesn't she know what they will do to your sugars >. Maybe talking to your Dr about the way your wife treats you and the things the Nurses are telling her at the nursing home, that all this is causing you so much stress. Ask him if at your next appointment you can bring your wife with you and he can talk about what your sugars..where they should be , that you are not to eat cakes , pies and such. just a thought. Maybe even seeing a marriage counselor might help too ...to make her see what she is doing wrong. MaryB |
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|  0 recommendations | Message 9 of 22 in Discussion |
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Your wife is getting her "good and bad" BG level information from the nursing home and it's very possible that the nursing home is allowing (or prefers) to let the numbers run higher so there's fewer lows for the staff to deal with. That may be true, it's at the expense of future complications. While they may feel it's a good trade-off for their residents, most of whom are elderly, but it's not a good trade-off for you. I also agree with most of what the others have said about other issues like control, frustration, burn-out and especially counseling. Also look at how you may inadvertently be contributing to her frustration. David |
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Ok I get the idea as I have lived on both sides of this issue......looking after a diabetic and being one.Seeing one's father seizing and being the only one home scares the he** out of a little kid(me at age 9ish),countless calls for ambulance assistance for my brother,being my brother's "protector" as we grew up and all the other stuff Brenda talked about as a "provider" of care.And as David points out I know I do not help the situtation either.But I think CecileRose has come closest to what I am going on about.......I just feel as if I should be wrapped in a plastic bubble and this leads to frustration.The idea that running higher numbers in the nursing home is/was not lost on me.Like David pionts out it is a trade off.........I will not finish that thought because it sounds cruel and makes medical care of the elderly sound "bad".It is the sudden change in this that has gotten to me and the way inwhich she is going on with it.That and her attitude of poor her.........sorry Brenda but there is more to it than just being out of it when a low hits.The aftermath of lows are very difficult on me,all the "fun" stuff that goes on with a low and recovering from one.Not to rude but if it is getting so hard on her.....she can always leave I can not. |
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Cy The reason CR is so right on the money, is that she IS IN your wife's position...giving her the best perspective on the issue. What is truely amazing about CR is that in her loving relationship with Jer, she manages to adjust to his needs. It is a challenging thing to do...to love enough to allow someone to handle his own disease without trying to exert too much conrol over the person. What I'm getting from you, Cy, is that you are concerned that something else is going wrong. You really need to address your fears with you wife, if I'm close to the truth. I know that is a difficult thing to open up and do, but it might calm your fears and relieve your stress. Or I could be totally off base...wouldn't be the first time. BTW ~ (and since you asked...) It took Chap a very long time (10 years) for us to get to the point where he just asks first. He was a real hoverer, and used to watch me like a hawk! After a few years of "You're not my father" and "get out of my face" he got scared and started letting me make my own mistakes and struggle, until I ask him for help. And I learned to ask nicely, and before I let things get too bad. sheryl |
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| | From:  Tammie· | Sent: 9/15/2005 11:15 PM |
Oh cyc.....here we go again lol...you just described Joe to a tee! EVERY night he is on me to check my sugar and to "take care" of it! Alot of other things like that but just to let you know that your not alone here lol....you would think that after 24 years Joe would know something a little more and with him being diabetic but I think it's just all the emergencies I have out here and ending up in the hospital all the time it makes him worry that much more. I guess he does it cause he really does love me but dang lol. Tam |
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Cyclops, ok, here goes my perspective both from being a diabetic and being married to one...yes, I want to control things...I know what needs to be done and it frustrates me when I see hubby not doing them....I've come to grips that this is my disease and it is his disease....it is hard...I want him to be healthy and energetic, your wife wants what is best for you....I'd suggest some kind of counseling for you both...maybe even a diabetic class so you both can come to grips with what to expect from the other one...and maybe just maybe your wife wants some individual attention...it is normal for the healthy person to get jealous of the attention the not so healthy person is getting.....sometimes I want to scream at my husband, listen to me...I hurt too...then he tells me that he feels the same way, that I hog the attention....so try just sitting down and talking, don't let resentment on both sides build up our of proportion.... |
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.........and don't forget, this is NOT just your disease, it is not just you who is suffering...I think all of us tend to think we are alone and the other person doesn't know...and they don't, but do we take time to think about them, how they feel? |
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Sorry Brenda if I have not explained it very well.......usually stuff like this I keep to myself but after a year and a half of it......well I am kind of frustrated by it.I hope this clears it up.Wife and I are married thirteen years,first eleven and a half she was really helpful with it,then for the last year and a half she has done an about face.Everytime I do anything or say anything it is automatically my diabetes "acting up",alot of it is also the tone of her vioce and the way inwhich she says things now.........big difference.It all just makes me feel as if I were two years old and know nothing.Or all of a sudden when she does make a "treat" gets mad as hell at me for not eating it but if I should grab a "treat" freaks out about what it is going to do to my blood sugars.And the attitude of how all this makes her look is just out of the blue and I have no idea where it comes from.......about the ambulance sitting in our yard,the number of lows/highs I have,being in the ER,whether or not the house is in order when the ambulance arrives,her "scared" to have friends over just incase,etc. As for the coming out of lows now she thinks I just open my eyes and all is ok.She knows what I go through with them we have talked about this before but now it seems to be lost on her.The confussion,the memory loss,lack of reconizing people or things,inability to control movement propperly,sometimes I hear the person talking but have no clue as to what they are saying or do not understand them,sometimes even hours later.The fact that when my blood sugars start to rise my stomach kicks up a huge tantrom(?.sp).......we have been out and I have gone low but she takes her time getting home and will want to stop different places to "pick-up a few things" that can wait for later.Or another time I got her to stop at the mall to use the restroom and when I caught up to her at a very busy store at the top of her voice she says "well,did you make it to the bathroom in time?" By no means do I mean to say the non-diabetic person has it easy.It is her total turn around that has me frustrated of the last year and a half. |
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Crackpot, How an elderly type 2 in a nurcing home is treated differs from a younger type 1. Tight control is important for the type 1, at least that what the American Diabetic Association recommends. Having cakes and pies in the house of a diabetic is NOT support. Chuck 100 |
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Well I found out the hardway of what is happening.This morning my wife HAD to call for the ambulance at 5:00am.It was a deep one.The crew that showed up was probably the best in the World and I give them alot of credit.They stuck around till 7:30am not doing much medically but alot in talking.My brain is still a little foggie and I do not remember all of the conversation,just bits and pieces.Seems my wife is very upset not really at me but more this disease and some people who are blameing her for my misadventures and giving her griefe about it at work.........the you have to look after him better sorts of things.As if I can not look after myself and am a total idiot and should depend on her for everything.The woman crew member took my wife aside and talk to her downstairs most of the time......I could hear some of the conversation and the guy looked after me.We were both amazed at what my wife was talking about downstairs considering alot of the griefe was coming from the people she works with and telling her all kinds of crap.It amazes me these people are allowed to practice on what I can recall of her saying.The keeping up of my sugars to prevent lows,the types of diets I should/have to follow,getting an incare nurse to look after me while wife works,I should doing this or that sort of things and the worse part that what my wife talks to them at work with(what I go through and what is happening to me) just does not happen.That she is lying,does not know what she is talking about and she is the one doing things wrong.So now I see why she has become so hosile at least:everyone is telling her it is HER fault and she is a "BAD" wife for not looking after me better.So after the crew left we talked for about an hour and I hope she understands it is not her fault but I think it was the female crew member who has helped me the most with this........it gave my wife someone in the medical field to talk with and another female(that was not ment to ment to be sexist)to bear herself to.Alot of what they were talking I can see why my wife did not come to me about as I am the problem(not the right word but it is the only one I can think of right now),well the bad information she is getting from people she believes are"in the know" of medical stuff. As for the pies and cakes I have no sweet tooth so I do not eat them anyway........a pie if it could stay fresh would last over a year for how much I do eat of it and a cake would do the same.......unless it is Cherry Cheese cake......my big downfall.The other treats like cookies and muffins she makes with reduced amounts of sugar.......it may not be the "perfect" solution but it is a start. |
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Sorry for what happened with the "deep one"...but at least it gave your wife the opportunity to open up and discuss her feelings. I'm glad that the two of you had a chance to talk about how the diabetes was affecting you both. Hope you are feeling better...in your body and in your spirit! Take care, Cy! sheryl |
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Oh Cy so sorry to hear about your bad low yikes that must have been scary. Im so HAPPY to hear that at least something good came out of all of this and that you and your wife were able to talk some. So Here's hoping that as the day's go by that the two of you will continue to talk and share your feelings-its amazing what can happen when you can communicate with each other-everything seems to fall into place its when you cant communicate that usually there's more problems. Hopefully things will look up for you soon Take Care Hugs CecileRose |
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