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| | From:  Doe0807 | Sent: 5/31/2008 12:38 PM |
| I can't tell you how much your prayers and thoughts mean to me. Total strangers yet you have become so dear to me over this past week & half when I stumbled into this room. (I think there was devine intervention there.) I am off again in just a few minutes, multiple things to do in my own personal family life, as well to see Roz again. Part of me feels so guilty to be able to live a fairly normal life with my disease and Roz has had to deal with this for so many years and now this. I called the nurse already this AM and told her my agenda and also told her that Roz's mom is planning on coming in the afternoon if not sooner and that it may be a good idea to maybe broach the subject of the Living Will w/o my presence. Roz told the nurse last night she did not want the ventilater back at all. They said she did rest some last night, but they had restrained her hands from getting to the tubes. Thank you for your prayers for her to have a peaceful night. Not sure when I'll be back on to let you know anything further, please just keep praying in my abscence. I already know you are & will. I just had to ask. Doe |
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| | | From: Doe0807 | Sent: 6/4/2008 6:33 AM |
It's been a few days since I was able to last up date you on Roz's status. She has successfully gained control of this last destiny in her life. She has been able to voice to the nurses and doctors that she does not want the NG tube nor the By-Pap. She is on a canula and well, she is being who she wants to be. Independant and in some control of what her futer brings. I visited with her tonight. I do not know whether she actually heard me or not. I came into her room and she was sleeping. She did not wake up for me. I don't know if this is the beginning of the end or if it is a beginning of a new future. I will wait to see. I repeated a lot of indearing things that I hope she heard and that I felt. I walked away not feeling nearly as helpless as I have in the past few days. I think God is answering prayers and I am coming to terms with what the possible outcome will be. Sure, I still hope for a miracle in a life on earth, but who am I to be selfish enough to keep her from receiving a perfect body and life once again in eternity. God is the only one that can be in control of this destiny. I reluctantly gave her up to Him a few days ago, knowing full well, that His Will will be done. So, if for some reason, Roz turns around and does well to come home here on earth, then we have been blessed by God for her to teach us another lesson in perserverance, contentment and the will to listen to His words. If He choses to take her home to His Eternal Award, He has gifted her to teach us to rely on Him and His decisionsl Please to continue to pray for her and her family and friends.
Do |
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I am sure that Roz heard you. You are a dear friend to go see her and know the possibilities. Good thoughts and prayers headed in your direction, adair |
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What a dear brave friend you are to Roz. It takes courage to do what you have done and said. Only He knows the answers of eternal life. It's tempting to try and second guess him though.
From the knowledge I have of dying patients, they may not be able to give a physical sign that they hear you, but there is evidence that they can.
God bless |
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Thank you for updating us on Roz. It sounds like things are in prospective now. How is her Mom doing? IS she accepting her daughters wishes? Keeping you all in prayer. Hugs! Angelbear/Wanda |
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| | | From: Allears | Sent: 6/4/2008 10:56 PM |
My heart and loveand prayers goes out to her ~ may she have the peace she so desires !  |
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| | | From: Doe0807 | Sent: 6/5/2008 4:27 AM |
| Mom is not accepting her decision very well. She is angry, but I think she is more afraid of being alone and not having anyone to care for, since that is the only way of life that she has had for the past 60+years. Please pray that before, Roz is no longer able to communicate, that they will be able to make amends and patch things up. When Roz does speak, it is in a whisper. She will not speak at all when her mother comes to visit. She just closes her eyes and goes to sleep or fains sleeping, until her mother leaves. Tomorrow, I will be driving her mother down to see her. I pray God gives me the correct words to use to encourage her to support her daughter's wishes without offending her. I love them both so dearly and as a mother, I would not want to live longer than my children and can imagine the pain of their leaving this life before I would. I have been nearly close to that, all though she was not my flesh & blood, it hurt horrifficly, that I don't want to experience the pain first hand. May God help Pickle accept the changes coming into her life and lovingly hold her daughter in her hours of need as the Blessed Mother held her son. May God grant her the strength and courage to face this difficult task. Amen |
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It sounds like Roz is upset with her Mom if she wont talk when shes there or pretends shes sleeping. I hope it all works out between them. Hugs! Angelbear |
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| | | From: Doe0807 | Sent: 6/5/2008 12:07 PM |
| Yes, Wanda, she is upset with her mom, because all her mom does is gripe at her about not wanting a permanent feeding tube and tracheotomy. It will not change the outcome other than the fact that Roz will be home and in bed. Roz will not walk again, nor be able to eat on her own again. Her upper body strength that she did have prior to the surgery had deminished greatly. Therefor, talking will be a challenge when she could no longer push the trach to communicate. It is so sad. It is going to be a total adjustment for all of us, but especially for her mother. Again, thank you all for your prayers. |
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Maybe its time you say something to her Mom in private. Shes hurting more than she lets on probably and this is just her way of getting by. Hugs! Angelear |
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| | | From: Doe0807 | Sent: 6/6/2008 1:03 PM |
Took Roz's mom to see her yesterday. While driving down, she told me that she spoke with one of the doctors overseeing Roz's case and told him that Roz is not in her right mind and insisted that the NG tube be placed back in. So, the doctor went in and spoke with Roz and told her what her mother had to say and so Roz agreed to let him put the NG tube in one more time. Then after it was accomplished she told him she was going to remove it. So, to apease her Mom, he has ordered that an aid sit with her to prevent her from pulling out the tube. I kept my thoughts to my self on the way down to the hospital regarding that. It was not the time to interject. When we arrived, Roz looked at me so helplessly and as I bent down to kiss her, told her I was sorry. She just shook her head. It was then that her mom announced that a psychiatrist was coming to see her this morning to talk with her to see if she understands what is going on. Roz looked at her and then looked at me. She mouthed to me, "say something." The only words that I could get to come out gently and neutral was that, "Maybe Pickle, you should be here in the morning when the psychiatrist comes to speak w/her and then they can speak w/you and then the both of you together." Then I looked at Roz and said, "What do you think, Roz?" She said she agreed. So, My husband is going to take Roz's mom down today, hopefully in time to be there when the psychiatrist comes. He'll go visit my Uncle nearby while they visit. Please say some more prayers that whatever the two of them have to say to each other gets out in the open and they can deal with whatever the future holds. Roz did try to pull the tube out while we were there and I held her hand away and just asked her not to try doing it in front of her Mom, that it would just make matters worse for the two of them. Then we proceeded to visit and finished painting nails. The toenails. When we were to leave, she held my hand back and I waited to hear what she wanted. She waited until her mom stepped on out. She whispered to me, I am not insane and began to cry. I wiped her tear and said, I know. That in the morning if she just tell the psychiatrist like it is, as she has done with me, all will once again be in God's hands and hers. I told her I loved her and would be to see her on Saturday and that my hubby would be up to say Hi in the morning when he brings her mom. She will be on my mind all day as always when we are apart. I will tell you more about my sister, and then my brother-in-law, later. Let's just say my hands are full right now. Thanks everyone, it's nice to be able to type your thoughts and know that someone totally neutral out there is reading/listening, praying and supportive.
Doe
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Hopefully all the needed answers her Mom seems to be seeking will be there after the Psych. visit. Roz should have told the Dr. she did not want the tube back in. Hugs! Angelbear |
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| Prayers will continue for all concerned |
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How are things going?  Hugs! |
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