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| | | From: Dilly (Original Message) | Sent: 9/12/2004 3:16 PM |
I guess this is where I put this. It has to do with my daughter and her ex. Have you ever seen someone that the minute you lay eyes on them all you see is red? This is what my daughters ex does to me. I get so angry that I get physically ill. She had the nerve to bring him too our house knowing how I feel about him. I don't understand how she can be with him after how he treated her. He is mean and abusive to her and the kids. He is a con artist and thinks he can sweet talk anyone. My dh said for the grandkids sake I should let him come with her here. I can't I was so sick yesterday after they left from being angry I had to take to my bed for the rest of the day. Am I wrong? I was hoping she would move on after the devorce but no she is still letting him hang around. I can't stand him and I'm still upset over it. I told her never to bring him here again. Never, never. I do not trust him and I just know he is going to hurt her or one of the kids really bad one day and I can't stop it because she sticks up for him. I'm trying to settled down today and do some peaceful things. I'm am going to the garden today it calms me. So what can I do to keep this dirt bag from making me so ill? Has anyone else had anyone make them feel this way or is it just me? Am I unreasonable? I don't like feeling this way. I don't like getting so angry that my heart hurts I thought I was going to have a heart attack yesterday. Help. Dilly |
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Hi hon you know no matter how you feel your daughter has to keep in contact with him for the childrens sakes. No matter what he is like father is a father is a father. and untell they see it for themselves nothing can be done. Your daughter is a grown up you cannot control that either, but you know what you can control is your home tell her she is welcome the kids are welcome he is not, no exceptions. You get what you ask for if you do not state your terms you will have none. love, you your health is no 1 priortity. Make it so. YOU GO GIRL |
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| If you truly believe, know, that this man is a physical threat to your grandkids you need to report it to social services. They need to be protected. I was an abused child and everyone must have known it but they allowed it to happen. I am hurt that no one protected me. I'm 48 now and I feel strongly that we need to protect our children, no matter what the cost. |
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| | | From: Dilly | Sent: 9/15/2004 1:21 AM |
Well had tea with my daughter today and I think we got some plans brewing to get her away from him. Her grandmother is here from Las Vegas and we are going to send daughter and kids back with her. My daughter is going to come and stay with us till she leaves which means I will have five people in the house. But that is ok it will only be till monday and then they leave. We have put a stop to him coming to the house because he knows I will call the police on him. She will stay and not go anywhere till she is ready to go. We are going over tomorrow and pack up her things and bring them here. When she is settled we will ship them to her. ( good thing we have storage for them) We will sell her car and send the money to her. Her grandmother will help her get a job and a place to live. We are trying to keep this as quiet as possible. She is not even telling her mom. The grandmother is her mothers mother. This is the only way we can find to get her away from him and he will leave her alone. I hope it works as we have it planed. I feel like I'm running her out of town. She said she wants to get away from him she just can't keep him from coming over. So everyone cross your fingers and hope it all goes well. Prayers will help too. Meowserfurever: I did call child prtective services but they did nothing to him. Said they were watching but could see nothing wrong. So we will send her and the kids halfway across the country to get her away. Thanks for caring and if ever you need some one to talk to just let me know. Thanks everone will let you know when it happens and how it went. Dilly |
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| Good luck with your plan. I only hope that she is "over" him and sticks to her guns. So many people (women in particular) think that they, either, deserve what they get, or, can't find anyone better. I hope that she has better self-esteem than that. Yay!! That she's got a plan. She needs to be careful about future choices. Sometimes, some people, are abuse magnets. |
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| I'm glad things are woked out for your daughter. Its nice to see she did want help and is willing to listen and leave with the kids. Why is i she can move and share all with her Grandmother but not her Mom? Somethings wrong here. Does the Mom like the ex or something? I hope this is all able to be kept quiet. |
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Not to scare you ...But this is a tue story from Florella,Alabama this past weekend.My daughters mother in law's neice(still with me?)..anyway...she was with this man for 16 years.Everyone tried to get her to leave him.They have 3 daughters.He was abusive to the girls as well as his wife.DHS was called 3 times but nothing was accomplished.this past Sat evening as she sat crocheting with the girls watching television,he entered the livingroom after an arguement and shot her in the head.She was brain dead when she arrived at the hospital.They took her off life support Sunday.She was 42 yrs old.They say he shows no remorse.HE shot her in front of the three girls,ages 18,14, and 11.He sits in jail now and the grandmother has the girls.And she keeps repeating in her sorrow that she begged her daughter numerous times to leave him.Very sad situation. If he is abusive to her,stress the fact over and over that her life might be in danger... Cosmogenesis |
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| | | From: Dilly | Sent: 9/16/2004 2:59 AM |
Wew what a day!!!! Well we got her all moved and her things stored and everything that she is going to take with her packed except what they are wearing for the next few days and some toys for the kids. I'm tired but sort of happy that she and the kids are here. She is putting them to bed now so it is quiet and I'm resting. Anglebear the reason she can't tell her mom is that her mom tells everything she knows so she would tell dd's ex everything. She doesn't seem to be able to help herself. She also is the one that introduced him to dd. The grandmother is a sweet person and the complete opposite. She won't tell anyone anything. Thank goodness for her. Cosmo; She knows what it is like and I have told her what it will be like. I had to leave state because of my ex. It took me ten years before I found dh and he is a sweetheart. So Dd and I have talked and she knows how he is. So far so good. But am not taking chances with any of this I feel like I'm in a spy movie or one of those dreams you have that you'll wake up and it will all be safe again. Thanks for thinking of me and dd and kids. Will let you all know how it goes. It has been one busy week. What with dd and my mil ill. Dilly |
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| | | From: Allears | Sent: 9/16/2004 3:08 AM |
Dilly My prayers and hugs for you and your Daughter so everything to go smoothly !  Allears |
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COSMOGENESIS Somehow this got hidden from me. This story is so sad. What is going on now with it all? Are the girls doing OK? I will never understand the power of control these jerks have over women. I'm so sorry for your family. Angelbear |
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| | | From: Dilly | Sent: 9/21/2004 2:36 PM |
Well they got off safe and got to Las Vegas fine. Not one hitch it went perfect. Took them to the airport at 4:30 AM poor kids were so sleepy but that was a good thing. Excited to be going on a plane. Didn't envy daughter and her grandma with four little ones. But daughter said they did fine. Only one thing got the little one to cry and that was when the security people took the head off her baby doll. Daughter said she started crying saying you killed my baby. But grandma put the head back on and all was fine. They didn't even mind it when they put the metal detector thing over them. Such good kids. Anyway they are there and daughter said the two oldest will start school this week so things will be as normal as possible for them. She is going to start job hunting this week too. Her grandmother did a neat thing when she called daughters mother she ask her to tell her thanks for taking her to the airport and that she would send her a card soon. Smoke screen I hope so. Dh took 4 boxes to UPS to ship to her. Three with clothes and one with toys. But they will be needed. We have her funiture stored in the basement ready to ship when she is ready for them. Only thing is we would like to get her car to her but can see no way of doing that so we will sell it and send her the money. Before she left she turned the car over to her dad so he could sell it. So --- so far so good. But I do miss her and the kids and I will miss our weekly afternoon tea. We use to go to the tea room her and I and just natter about this and that. It was our time together but she is safe now and away from him and thats the important thing. Thanks for caring everyone your good thoughts helped a lot. Dilly |
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Dilly, I read your post over and over and over. My heart just broke for you because I could just feel how much pain this put you in. I can't even imagine how awful this has been for you and your daughter...and I kept going over and over in my head what I would do in your place....and honestly, I didn't know....because I get positively vicious at anyone even remotely being unkind or threatening in any way towards my kids...and I am sure I may have blown up and caused more problems than I fixed....had I been in the same situation. I KNOW my husband would have...he is protective to the point of being dangerous..lol.....and we will have to work hard to monitor ourselves and keep this in check as our sons begin their own adult lives. I think you all came to a wonderful idea to keep your daughter and granddaughters safe and away from this man. She has a lot on her plate right now....and having 4 kids on her own......my heart goes out to you all....and I hope things go well for them in Las Vegas. Keep us posted. |
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Dilly, It is comforting to know that your daughter and grandchildren made it to Las Vegas. I know that you miss them but think of them as safe. That is the most important part. adair |
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I am so happy they all made it to LV safely. It was a win win with all the love surrounding them to assure they got away safely by all of you. |
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Know I am happy to hear that your dd and dgd are safe in another state, my question is, is it legal? Would the law consider it it being a kidnapping? Was/is the ex paying child support? If so he has every right to see them and he can press charges aginst your daughter , Dilly. I'm not being a meaning or a spoild sport here just making sure all of what you all did is lawful for the girls sakes. Something to think about, FBR |
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Hello Dilly - I am a new member as of today and I have just read your story and I know that you will be Blessed and given strength for what you are going through. I takes a strong woman to overcome adversity such as yours. I am however, because of my past training in domestic abuse concerned as to if this "unhuman man", can find out where the family has moved to. Please be careful about discussing any information with anyone outside of your home as to where they are. These abusive men will take the time and effort, spend lots of money to find who there are looking for just to get even!. Protect yourself as well, make the local police aware of your concerns for safety, both at home and for your family in Vegas. Try to make the police make your concerns a matter of record. Documentation is critical. I will keep you and you family in my prayers and look forward to a most positive outcome for you and your family. VABunnie |
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