Divas....40 & Over

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Reposted from another board here.

From: <NOBR>

charlee519</NOBR>

Sent: 10/29/2004 8:24 PM

My weakness when it comes to standing up for myself. The man I am married to takes pleasure in pointing out all of my flaws as well as blaming everything that's wrong in our lives on me. He absolutely wears me down to a point of exhaustion.

Is there anything you are doing to try and correct this Charlee or do you just go day to day with it all?

You both bring up good points. Unfortunately, my life has become very complicated and this relationship cannot be easily dissolved. Main complication is we own a seasonal business and live on the property. He is burned out and tired of working for what he says is "nothing". The business pays our housing, utlilities, car payments and health insurance. I don't consider that "nothing". I also have an outside job, which I really love. When the business is closed for the season, he stays home and watches TV all day, eats and gets depressed. He's just about alienated everyone he ever got along with (they all have something wrong with them, except him, of course)so, there's no one he can hang out with. I'm tired at the end of the day and usually look forward to staying home for the evening. He, on the other hand, has been home all day and wants to go out to dinner or shopping. On weekends, I get my housework done (he does nothing to help). Again, he's bored and wants to go away for the weekend. Well, we don't exactly have a money tree growing in our yard, so he gets mad because he's STUCK on the property. We have 2 kids, 1 of which really has an interest in working in the business (he's only 15 now). I would love to be able to keep this business long enough for him to take it over. If we were to sell, it would really burst our son's dream. Peanutcat, as far as the cool come-back, it would just fuel his fire. I've learned to just ignore him and leave the room. Well, gals, I didn't mean to ramble on and on about this. so sorry if I got carried away. I DO appreciate your input, though. Thanks!

Vent anytime you want, we're always here. Could this be a change of life phase for him or has he done it along time? I hope it all works out.

Vent anytime you feel like it. All of us have pretty much "have been there and done that" venting at sometime and it is nice to be able to do it.

Sounds like your other half needs to think about attending a college course in something that interests him to get him out of the house on occasion.

As the ladies say vent all you want. We are here to help if we can. Adair is right he needs to take some classes or get a hobbie doing something. A little conseling probably wouldn't hurt him either. You are right on one thing talking back never helps and only makes things worse. Hang in there. We are here for you.

Thanks gals for being such good listeners. Unfortunately, I've come to believe that he's a person who will never be happy. Taking classes would take effort on his part. Same for doing any kind of volunteer work or joining a workout group. He's just miserable with himself. I need to look into counselling. Even if it won't help our relationship, it might help him with himself. You guys are the best...hugs to all of you for caring!

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