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JJ has been driving me crazy all week. - He called me and says his engine died on the car he just bought in January. He paid $1900 paid in full. I told him to have the engine rebuilt, his friend can do it for $650
- He tells me no. He ruined his car by not adding oil and having a major leak since he bought it.
- He goes out and tries all week to get financed for a 2004 Nissan 350 Z sportscar. He wanted us to co-sign and and we said no. He went to my friends and they said no. He repeatedly over the days asked me to co-sign and I said no.
- After 12 denials for credit he got one on his own signature. Buys the car Saturday and drives away. He went to CarMax.
- He calls me this morning (2 days after buying it) and says Mom, the clutch burned out!! He was waiting for a tow truck from CarMax. His new car! He told CarMax to find another car just like it for him. I told him to please just fix his old car. He has 5 days to change his mind when he buys a car from CarMax. He won't listen to us.
- His car payment will be $575 a month plus over $200 a month for insurance. I told him he is not good with finances and is broke 2 days after payday. I will never understand him. Believe me, lots more happened but to much to bore you with. I hope he doesn't lose his shirt down the road. I worry about him. He told me the car makes him feel good about himself. I told him he should feel good about who is without a car. He is the kind who has to be flashy, expensive clothes and jewelry. I just listen to him now and let it go.
- Thanks for listening......... Angelbear
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Trust me on this..if you give in and bail him out, you will not stop bailing him out as he gets older. You are wise to tell him no. One of my grandchildren came to us and asked us to co-sign for an apt. We told him no and he got so mad. Too bad. What are they going to do when all those who can bail them out are dead? We asked him that. That shut him up as far as we are concerned...but....of course the other grandparents gave in and signed for him, so now he is in an apartment that is way too expensive for him, but he will eventually get kicked out because he can't afford it and those people thought they were so cleaver to say he had to pay his own rent, that they would co-sign for him to get it but now it is up to him. I have news for them. They will PAY when he doesn't. They will have to go to court to get out of paying, but hey! They got themselves and him into this, they can get themselves out of it! Just don't do it. I know your heart hurts from seeing him do this,but he needs to take responsiblility for himself and his actions. Be strong, Mom. |
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Something else Angelbear, if they are making good sound judgements and thought out decisions, I don't mind helping my kids. My parents were there for me that way and I will be there to help mine. But the decisions can't be made on a whim or not what they need but want instead. I always try to sit down with my kids and go over the good and bad of a decision they are making. But if my gut says they aren't ready for it, I don't help and I state the reasons why. Trust your instincts on this |
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OH brings back so many memories, some long ago, some too recent of the antics my 2 stepkids in their 30s pull. hang in there! love, Josie. |
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| | | From: Mia | Sent: 4/23/2007 9:37 PM |
There is a big difference between wants and needs. I finally learned how to say no to my daughter (and she is 33), It's the gd's I have trouble saying no too. Good luck. |
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Angelbear, You are so wise NOT to cosign on this loan. It is very difficult to watch our grown children make decisions that go against everything we have taught them NOT to do. So disappointing. I can say from personal experience the only worse thing is when you DO cosign and then you wind up suffering serious financial consequences because of it. Five years ago, my oldest son was pressured into buying a car that he could NOT afford by my ex-husband. Long story but I co-signed on the loan just to shut the ex up. (This was before we divorced) I wound up in bankruptcy over this decision. Nathan and I have learned a very valuable lesson over this, but it was extremely painful and took a long time! Hopefully the most your son has to lose is this car and His own credit rating for a couple of years...with a good life lesson under his belt he can rebuild everything after a couple of years making good decisions. However, I bet you have a lot more to loose! Take care and like everyone else has said..you are NOT alone. Gena |
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Oh Wanda....I can feel your pain.....trust me I do.....I've had a lot of issues with my youngest as well....and he's forever wanting us to co-sign for a car, a quad, etc....and he almost had my husband talked into it and I had to be the mean one and say absolutely not. I absolutely do not approve of the way he is living his life...and the choices he is making.....and will not be an enabler. We agreed to cosign for them both years ago....if certain conditions are met. My youngest always wants to have his cake and eat it too. I know how frustrating it is. And how it pulls your emotions all ways. Hang in there....believe me....you aren't alone. I think there are a lot of us that are going or have gone through similar things. **HUGGS** Hang tough, Mom. |
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BTW---what is CarMax? is that a car dealership in your area? |
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| | | From: Allears | Sent: 4/23/2007 11:25 PM |
Bravo Angelbear ! He has to learn the hard way "One lives within their means" !!!! What will happen is that they will be repossing the car as soon as he doesn't pay on time . and His credit will be nilch for a long time ! He will learn the Hard way ! No way will he be able to make the payments or the gas for that matter ! Stick to your guns his growing pains will soon be hurting him and teaching him along the way ! IF YOU CO-SIGN YOU WILL BE STUCK PAYING OFF THE CAR IN FULL ! (((((((hugs)))))))I know it hurts to watch but its part of growing up !  Allears |
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ouch !1Big hugs to you .I think you are doing the right thing , I know it is hard to watch him mess up but he has chosen his way . |
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Stand your ground Angelbear. You are correct in your actions. adair |
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| | From:  CC20010 | Sent: 4/24/2007 3:31 PM |
Holy Cow! Ab, ya gotta hold your ground! I asked my Dm to co-sign w. me for a car once.I finally understood why she said "NO".These cars are just penis-on-wheels.Being able to mind his own finances should make him feel better about himself(imho).But that's just a practical woman talking  . |
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| | | From: jewel | Sent: 4/24/2007 5:53 PM |
| Oh Angelbear, I'm sorry you keep having issues with your youngest son.... You know you are doing the right thing..... |
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Thanks everyone. He truly will learn by experience and hit bottom before he begins to listen I feel. His problem keeps growing. He was told today the clutch and transmission burned out due to abuse by him. JJ claims he did nothing to the car. He was told it will cost him $3000!! He called the warrantee Dept. for Nissan that he bought and they said a new clutch was denied by the previous owner on March 27th because it wasn't a covered item and JJ's wasn't either. Its sounds like CarMax knew the car had a problem. An older friend of JJ's called CarMax in his behalf and they hung up on him after saying the clutch ws repaired. He is getting a lawyer in the morning. (Wed) I don't know what weill happen. Always something. |
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Now I know why Car max doesn't sell fords anymore. at least not in the Kenosha area. Trish |
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