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| | From:  charlee519 (Original Message) | Sent: 12/18/2007 1:23 AM |
Why do the holidays always turn out to be stressful and depressing? My mom (88), lives alone and is too elderly to fix Christmas dinners, so for the past couple of years, my brother has been cooking for the family get-together. He lives next door to mom, is retired, divorced, empty nest and loves to cook. HOWEVER...he doesn't speak to his daughter and his son lives out-of-state with wife & kids. They were in for Thanksgiving, but won't be here for Christmas. So, when I spoke with mom this weekend, she said there's nothing planned for Christmas, since my nephew isn't coming in. That means my brother is not planning on any type of celebration or get-together. I told mom that I would bring dinner to her house. She put up a fuss and said not to bother because it's a 4 hour drive to her house in GOOD weather. I told her it would be a casual meal, nothing fancy. Dd and I will put something together. Mom feels like she's in the middle because my brother has not spoken to me for a year (no reason that either of us is aware of). She thinks its because I went to see her twice this year and didn't call him to come over. These were 1 day visits, leaving the next morning (He knew I was there, so why didn't he come next door?) Petty, I know. I sent my brother an email telling him about Christmas at mom's and invited him to join us. If you're still reading this, don't feel badly about moving along...I just need to vent. I got to thinking about this all day today. Why are families so disfunctional? I have a sister who has been the black sheep of the family for about 10 years now. We still exchange BD cards, and she just started calling mom a couple of years ago, but my brother will have nothing to do with her. Because mom depends on brother for so much, she is afraid to rock the boat, and I understand that. Then there's dh's family: dh does not talk to his mother or brother, so Christmas with MIL is celebrated without dh. My BIL comes to MIL's for dinner and the kids & I join them while dh sits home and stews. Oh, I forgot to mention, dh doesn't talk to my brother either. Oops, then there's the couple that we've been good friends with. Dh got mad at them, so they're out, too. He gets angry with me because I have remained friends with them. He thinks that if he has an issue with anyone, I should support him and not deal with those people either. How in blazes am I supposed to have a Merry Christmas? ARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Oh! Charlee! What a lot of stress for you over the holidays! We have one family member that is alienated and that is awful enough in itself. I can only begin to imagine what you are going through! Bless you, dear, you just vent all you want to! We have big shoulders here! TRose |
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Oh Charlie I am right there with ya.......the wonderful holidays!!!!!! I personally hate them. But now that my dysfunctional sister and mom are gone, I can make them as casual as I want!! It's just so hard to deal with ppl that won't or don't speak! I didn't speak to my sis for years and only went on holidays cuz mom insisted. It was a crock of crap!! It isn't easy for my kids either. The girls are "obligated" to go to their dad's each year cuz he insists and my boys (different dad) don't really talk to their dad. The boy in Oregon goes to his dad's cuz he lives about 2 hours away but this year he is going to his gf's mom's house. the ds down here doesn't speak unless it's been awhile and he just feels like answering when dad calls. But they are both over the obligation part. But then there's the issue with ds and his divorce so lil zoey has to be split up during the day. At least her egg donor mother doesn't want her on Christmas eve so my son doesn't have to lose that time with her. Then sil has an x and a little girl with her so she too has to be split up and the x says lil girl will never be with dad on Christmas eve and morning cuz she wants her. so unless dad goes back to court...it will be her way. So I try to keep it casual, no pressure of a "family" get together. I don't insist on my time with any of them but it usually ends up that they spend most of the day with me (probably cuz I don't insist or even ask) This year I think I will make a big breakfast feast about 11am and anyone who is hungry can drop in!!!!! |
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| | | From: Mia | Sent: 12/18/2007 3:26 AM |
My dd delivers mail wearing a Santa Cap with Bah Humbug in big red letters. Guess alot of people feel that way. |
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Charlee- Vent all you need to...Hugs!!! Merry Christmas! Angelbear |
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| | | From: jacki3 | Sent: 12/18/2007 12:43 PM |
i am personal right there w/ u 2...i hate this b.s...season..have since i was small..i can't ever remember a x-mas that was a happy memerory..and that's mostly due 2 my moms upidty att....no matter what u get her, it's not good enough, or wrapped rite,..always some comment, or nasty remark even b 4 she opens it....one yr. i tried gift certs...she said..that didn't take much thought, did it...and then 2 days later she would say 2 me...i thought sure u would by me so, and so... a few yrs. ago a friend of hers bought her an expensive, beautiful doll house, just for looks...she had a fit...she called and bitched 4 times about it, told her friend 2 take it back, she didn't want it...so they took it back 2 the store, and gave her the money...and ever since all they give her is a cheap candle, and she can't figure out why...this yr. i made up my mind...anything is said...i'm gonna let her have it..u can bet your happy a-- on that... sorry didn't mean 2 bitch, but i've been up half the nite chewing about this.. hurry up janurary.. |
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| | | From: CC20010 | Sent: 12/18/2007 3:37 PM |
Go on Ladies, get it out! Charlee,sounds like your Dh has Mad@theWorld Syndrome,lol.Maybe you should let him stew while you try to have a Merry Xmas.If you're able to,celebrate with your family while they're still around. As for us,just about everyone we know & love is too sick or hurt to enjoy Xmas this year.It's depressing! BAAAH HUMBUG for 2007!Hope 2008 is better for everyone. |
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My mother lives 700 miles from me so dh and I are not driving the distance but my sister is going to my mom's house for Christmas. She will be driving 3+ hours thru heavy California traffic, bringing all the food, trying to make things nice for my mom. Well, my mother informed me that my sister can just do all the cooking and not to plan on her (mom) eating any kind of fancy holiday meal(s) because she (mom) just doesn't have much of an appetite any more and doesn't want to be bothered. How many elderly parents would give their eye teeth to have a kid come home, bring all the food, cook the dinner and spend time with them? What a crappy attitude. My Diva sisters! Next year turn down the stress dial. Do your own thing. Participate as much or as little as you like! |
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Vent away ladies. I know where you are all coming from. This year my brothers, and mother are staying down in Ak. My dear sister, the heroin attic...I don't even know where she is. So its not that family I'm dealing with.. its here within my own home. My two wonderful children are here with me...but, my husband is here only in the physical sense. Hes off somewhere in his own recently aquired addiction. My family is literally falling apart. I have known my husband since we were 13...we are now 52. He and my children have been my life...and I'm watching it fall apart like I'm in a bad dream. My children are older, they know whats happening. The man they have looked up to their entire life is gone. I am at a loss what to do. Everything we have worked so hard for our entire lives is slipping away. My rock is gone. I know what needs to be done, I've tried intervening but he is in denial. I am barely keeping my head above water. Life as I always knew it is gone. Its scary. But, I am a strong women and have children who love me and I will get through this. But theres no Merry in Christmas this year...Hugs, Karen |
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The in-laws are getiing together upstate. It's a 3 hr. ride. I'm not driving up there. My h is making me the bad guy. He doesn't want to go either. He likes to have his fresh ham. The dd & family stops by before lunch. I like having a quiet afternoon to relax after all the rushing around. This yr is harder because Xmas is on Tue. I have to work Mon & Wed. It just doesn't seem like a holiday. I'm happy watching the g-kids open their stuff. bonnie |
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Thought I'd give you an update. When I emailed my brother, he said it would be foolish for me to lug food for 4 hours and then try to get evertyhing ready, so he's making a small ham with a veggie and salad. I thanked him and told him I would bring baked goodies and some misc. snacks. I'm thinking of also making a dish I can bring along (perhaps broccoli chicken divan). So, I feel better about that situation. Yesterday I took dh to have his kidney stent removed (he had a stone lazared last week), so I highly doubt that he'll be making the trip with us. There's no reason why he can't go, but he'll use that as an excuse. Actually, it will be less stressful if he's not there (sounds awful, I know, but that's how things are). Just wanted to thank you all for listening to my vent and making some wonderful suggestions for my dilemna. You gals are the best!  Merry Christmas to all of you! |
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Charlee- I am glad you have it all worked out. Myzteriouswayz- I am sorry to hear this. Start your own post over this if you want to talk more so we all see it . This time of year is hard enough then have to deal with hubby issues...Hugs to you! Angelbear |
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