Oh Tessa, I am sorry to hear of your loss.
Those feelings I am sure are perfectly normal, so don't feel guilty about feeling them.
i'm sorry I can't help anymore as I haven't been through it.
But know that we/I are/am here for you, so vent as much as you need/want.
Take care of yourself and good luck with Dr Lee tomorrow.
Lotsa love and hugs
Lulu
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