The reported incestuous affair between Vergine Tomas and her father-in-law, C. Lawrence Tomas, drew heated denials in a news conference today called by Analio Simpson and Orenicio Hacheria. "It's a lie being spread by the Obama campaign to get Vergine's husband Clarnitwitio impeached for being too clueless to serve on the court."

 

"Yeah," Hacheria agreed. "If being clueless was an impeachable offense ..."

 

"What he means is," inserted Arlencio Spectaculario, rushing up from the crowd and clapping his hand over Hacheria's mouth, "it's a black lie."

 

Spectaculario didn't notice Mayhilda Fowlerina of the Huffington Post (she's not very big) stick her tiny tape recorder in his face as he whispered into Hacheria's ear: "We don't use the 'i' word. We never use the 'i' word, you idiot!"

 

"It's not my fault," Hacheria whined. "I'm old. I've got to go to the bathroom!"

 

"I've got pictures!" a man in a black trenchcoat with the collar turned up, and a hat that came down over his eyes, almost hiding his black mask, said, striding toward the cameras and waving the pictures.

 

"What's that?" reporters murmured. "Looks like clouds to me." "Is that a mirror on the ceiling of Vergine's bedroom?" In the excitement the man in the trenchcoat vanished, leaving the pictures in the hands of Billerio Reilly, who confirmed that indeed they were pictures of Vergine's bedroom ceiling. "Who is that masked man?" Billerio shouted furiously.