Depression: Supporting loved ones through their battle with depression

When loved ones face dark times, you want to help. Don't tell them to snap out of it. Do offer compassion, support and even help with chores.

Depression can rob your loved ones of fully enjoying life or engaging in everyday activities. Instead, they may feel sadness, despair and hopelessness. Not surprisingly, their depression affects you, too, as someone who cares about them, whether it's a family member, friend or even a co-worker facing this serious medical condition.

When a loved one has depression, you can offer support and help in a variety of ways. At the same time, remember to tend to your own physical and emotional needs, too. This way, both of you will be cared for even during the darkest days.

Recognize the symptoms of depression, even if a loved one doesn't

You might think a loved one may have depression even before he or she does. People in the throes of depression sometimes don't recognize the symptoms. Or they may be embarrassed about it or simply think that their situation is hopeless.

Two hallmarks of depression are:

• Loss of interest and pleasure in normal daily activities
• Feelings of sadness, hopelessness or crying spells

Other signs and symptoms include:

• Sleep disturbances
• Impaired thinking or concentration
• Unintentional weight loss or gain
• Agitation or slowing of body movements
• Fatigue
• Low self-esteem
• Less interest in sex
• Thoughts of death

If you suspect that a loved one has such symptoms, gently urging him or her to seek medical help may be the best thing you can do. You can also point out that depression is a medical condition that has several effective treatment options. You may also consider discussing how certain other medical conditions, such as thyroid disease, can mimic the symptoms of depression. This may help further persuade your loved one to seek treatment.

If your loved one refuses to seek medical treatment, remember that it may simply be out of shame or a sense that things can't get better. Try to be patient and bring up the topic again — but without being pushy or insensitive. However, if your loved one's depression is so severe that it's debilitating or life-threatening, you may need to consider intervening by contacting a doctor, hospital or emergency medical services.

Don't tell someone with depression to snap out of it

If you've never experienced depression yourself, then it's impossible to know how helpless and hopeless a person can feel in the midst of it.

Understand that depression is a serious illness that requires medical attention. It isn't the result of a character flaw or moral weakness. It may result from a chemical imbalance in the brain. When someone with depression can't get out of bed, go to work or play with their children, it's not laziness. Rather, it may be a debilitating sense of fatigue, overwhelming feelings of worthlessness or the inability to make even simple decisions.

People with depression can no more snap out of it than can people with diabetes or arthritis. If a loved one has depression, don't tell them to smile more or just get over it. People don't enjoy having depression, but they can't simply will themselves into wellness.

Try reading more about the condition and treatment to better understand what it's like to have depression.

And even if your loved one begins depression treatment, don't expect immediate results. Treatments, such as therapy and medication, take time to have an effect on depression symptoms. In the meantime, encourage your loved one to continue treatment and remind him or her that things will improve as time goes on.

Offer support and compassion to a loved one with depression

Even if you can't know what depression feels like, you can offer empathy and compassion. Simply being there for the person can make a difference in the course of his or her illness.

To help someone who has depression, you can:

• Gently express concern. Acknowledge their pain but avoid using the words "I know how you feel" if you really don't. Although you may think you know what's causing the depression, avoid offering solutions. Listen if he or she wants to talk, but try not to ask too many intrusive questions. People with depression often don't have the energy or inclination to discuss their symptoms, and they may instead just stop talking altogether.
• Ask how you can help. Depression may leave your loved one unable to take care of regular chores and tasks. Make yourself as available as possible to help balance the checkbook, keep the home in order, run errands and take care of children or pets, for instance. Keep in mind that your loved one may not be able to offer suggestions. If that's the case, give specific suggestions about what you're willing to do and ask if it's OK if you go ahead and do them, such as mowing the lawn.
• Give positive reinforcement. Depression can make people feel worthless. They may judge themselves harshly and find fault with everything about themselves, from their appearance to their job to their thoughts and feelings. You can remind your loved one about his or her positive qualities and how much he or she means to you and others.
• Encourage healthy behaviors. Depression steals away motivation, energy and interest. Ask your loved one to join you on a walk, for a movie, or to work on a hobby or other activities he or she previously enjoyed. But don't try to force him or her into doing something. If your loved one is in treatment for depression, help him or her remember to take prescribed medications and to attend therapy appointments.

Watch for depression symptoms that worsen

People with depression are at an increased risk of taking their own life. Stay alert for suicide warning signs such as:

• Agitated behavior and sleeplessness
• Statements about no longer living, such as "You won't have to worry about me much longer"
• Giving away possessions or saying goodbye to friends
• Suddenly cheering up after a period of depression, which could actually signal a renewed sense of energy to follow through on suicide plans

If you think a loved one is considering suicide, encourage him or her to call a doctor, mental health clinic or suicide hot line immediately. If your loved one's life is in imminent danger but he or she refuses to seek help, call for emergency help yourself.

MORE ON THIS TOPIC

• Suicide: Understand causes, signs and prevention
• Suicide: Offering help and support when someone is suicidal

Keep depression from taking a toll on you

Supporting someone with depression isn't easy. You may find yourself stressed and you may even begin to think that things won't improve. It can be even more difficult if you have others to care for as well.

Share your feelings with a caregivers' support group or discuss the situation with a therapist, relative or confidante. See your doctor if you develop any problems that you think require medical attention.

And finally, remind yourself that with appropriate treatment, most people with depression do see an improvement in their symptoms. Better days may be on the horizon — for both of you.

 

By Mayo Clinic Staff
Jun 2, 2006

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