"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O
Lord, make me dwell in safety." (Psalm 4:8 NIV)
Some nights, I have trouble sleeping. I'm sure that's
not a surprise to anyone who suffers from a chronic
illness. Maybe we are in pain or filled with anxiety
over an upcoming exam. Sometimes, dread fills us as
we wait for test and lab results. No matter what the
underlying issues are, we've all had nights when sleep
just wouldn't come.
After my doctors scolded me for not resting and for
pushing myself to exhaustion, I accepted the fact that
rest was crucial to my overall well-being. I asked
God to help me learn to rest - to release the
pressures I put on myself to go, to do, and to be.
Honestly, I didn't want to slow down. Would pausing
to rest signal defeat or my acceptance that I was
weak? Did my desire to push (really punish) my body
reveal denial of reality - was I trying to ignore the
physical limitations I now faced?
As I cried out to God for help, I read this Psalm. I
asked God to help me lie down in peace and to help me
sleep. He did. I experienced tranquil, undisturbed
sleep for the first time in a long while. I woke the
next morning feeling refreshed and restored. I had a
little more energy. I liked the feeling and wanted to
experience it more often.
Since that day, I have to continually seek God's help
to rest. It seems like the things I need to do will
never get done. I contend with feelings of guilt and
laziness when those around me accomplish so much more.
It is an ongoing battle to listen to my body and to
stop when I feel fatigued. The biggest fight has been
against the ugly thoughts that whisper, "You should be
doing something."
It is during these times of struggle that I remember > |
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