SOME OF THE BEST "CLEANING TIPS" I'VE READ IN A LONG TIME -
THIS
> > IS
> > > > > >SOOOOO FUNNY!
> > > > > >
> > > > > >   Dirt: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a
> > helpful
> > > > > >filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an
SPF
> > > factor
> > > > > >of 15 and leave it alone.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >   Cobwebs: Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the
> glare
> > > from
> > > > > >the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere.  If your
husband
> > > points
> > > > > >out that thelight fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and
> > > exclaim
> > > > > >"What?  And spoil the mood?"  (Or just throw glitter on them &
call
> > > them
> > > > > >holiday decorations)
> > > > > >
> > > > > >   Pet Hair: Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the
> > > > doorways
> > > > > >by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing
> hand-sewn
> > > > play
> > > > > >animals forunderprivileged children.  (Also keeps out cold drafts
> in
> > > > > >winter)
> > > > > >
> > > > > >   Guests: If unexpected company is coming, pile everything
> unsightly
> > > > into
> > > > > >one room and close the door.  As you show your guests through
your
> > tidy
> > > > > >home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd
> > love
> > > > you
> > > > > >to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots
are
> SO
> > > > > >expensive."
> > > > > >
> > > > > >   Dusting: If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a
> showy
> > > urn
> > > > > >on the coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted
> us
> > to
> > > > > >scatter her ashes."
> > > > > >
> > > > > >   General Cleaning: Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household
> > cleaner
> > > > > >with four cups of water in a spray bottle.  Mist the air lightly.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >   Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations.  Develop an
> > exhausted
> > > > > >look, throw yourself on the couch and sigh, "I clean and I clean
> and
> > I
> > > > > >still don't get anywhere."
> > > > > >
> > > > > >   As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon
> in
> > a
> > > > pie
> > > > > >pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been baking cookies
> for
> > a
> > >
> > > > bake
> > > > > >sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to clean...Works
> > every
> > > > > >time.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >   Another favorite, I think from Erma Bombeck, always keep
several
> > get
> > > > > >well cards on the mantle so if unexpected guests arrive, you can
> say
> > > > you've
> > > > > >been sick and unable to clean.  You figure if you can live in it,
> > they
> > > > can
> > > > > >surely stand it for a 30 minute visit!