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Reply
| | From:  ««¤LYDIA¤»» (Original Message) | Sent: 10/26/2003 5:00 PM |
Hi, I was previously in a relationship with somebody that smoked heroin. I was aware that heroin can be highly addictive, but just what is it that makes somebody want to keep using it, steal and lie to loved ones for it? What is it about the feeling it produces that makes it so good? Thanks, Lydia |
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Reply
| | | From: Marco | Sent: 11/1/2003 11:25 PM |
Lifeoverkill: Your description is so on target. Please don't take offense, I only say this cuz we've exchanged some thoughts before, but: You don't have to live like that anymore. Make the choice to change and live. Marco |
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hey marco,
last night i went to my first na meeting in a long time, and today....im
going to try to tough it out without using, and then give the suboxone
another try...could you please describe your experience with suboxone to
me???? how sick were you before you took it? i dont want to live like this
anymore, and i would check myself in in a heartbeat if i did not have kids,
and if my husband had a little understanding. i wish i could goin patient,
but ill try at home with the suboxone, and i want to hit another meeting
today, depending on how i feel. i feel so guilty about all of thisand the
guilt is killing me...especially about the pawn shop....that has not left my
brain for a second.
>From: "Heritics of Heroin" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: "Heritics of Heroin" <[email protected]>
>To: "Heritics of Heroin" <[email protected]>
>Subject: Re: What's SO good about it?
>Date: Sat, 1 Nov 2003 15:25:20 -0800
>
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Hi Lifeoverkill, I don't know your whole situation, but if you really want to check in somewhere as an inpatient, maybe you can find a way to get your kids looked after and work things out with your husband later. Addiction is a progressive illness, so if you keep using the chances are that you will wind up getting worse and then losing all the people and things that you care about anyways. I realize that it is not that simple, but it's just a thought, because your life is more important than anything else. I am supportive of whatever you choose to do, and I wish you the best of luck with home detox, Suboxone, NA, and anything else you try. All the best, -Keren |
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Reply
| | | From: Sha | Sent: 11/2/2003 9:35 PM |
Hi Life, I'm not completely sure what's keeping you from getting on a program or something, maybe it's the being a nurse and not wanting to risk losing the job and the stigma attached to being on a program. Maybe it's that like most women, you're so used to taking care of everyone else, you've either put yourself on the farthest possible burner or have forgotten how, or never knew how or all of the above...but hell girl it's your life your talking about here so try and make the hard decision. Let the damn guilt go..just let it go, I know that sounds easier said than done, but if you don't you are going to crack up on top of everything else. You said the pawning was to stop from getting sick...was there anything else you could've done? No I don't think so or you would have done it..some will say and maybe even you are saying "Yea well she/I could've quit right then and there." Not a good idea without a plan...not a good idea at all. So you did what you had to do to take care of your sick and your kids. Leave it at that. Understand yourself, have some compassion for yourself...try..try..try. Would you treat a stranger who you knew was sick like you're treating yourself? Find a way out, even if that way out means losing and doing stuff you feel you just can't possibly give up right now for whatever the reason. You know it won't get any better if you don't, it won't just go away..it will and is growing harder as I write and you read. Peace to you all-ways, Sha |
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DEAr sha,
thank you for the words of inspiration....I TOLD MY HUSBAND IWAS USING AGAIN
LAST NIGHT AND HE TOLD ME TO KILL MYSELF AND GET IT OVER WITH...HE THEN
ADDED HE WOULD NEVERGIVE ME ANY MONEY OR HELP TO GET CLEAN IN ANY WAY AND
THAT IF IT WERENT FOR THE KIDS AND HOUSE ECT.. WE WOULD BE DONE. HERES A
QUOTE"I LOOK AT YOU AND YOUR A SPECK OF DIRT TO ME JUST A PEICE OF TRASH, IF
YOU WANT YOUR JUNK THEN START BLOWING GUYS FOR IT CAUSE YOULL NEVER GET A
PENNY FROM ME".....ANY WAY IM STEPS AWAY FROM CALLING IN MY FAMILY TO
HELP...IVE BEEN TRYING TO FORM A PLAN IM NOT WORRIED ABOUT JOB LOSS, BUT IF
I GO INPATIENT NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS.....MY HUSBAND
CERTAINLY MADE IT CLEAR HE WONT HELP....I WAS ON METH TILL SEPT. 22ND, AND
WAS GOING TO SWITCH TO SUBOXONE....BUT IVE HAD A HARD TRANSITION THIS MONTH
MY USE WAS VERY BAD. I BARELY EVER PICKED UP ON METH....BUT AGAIN MY
HUSBAND WAS ALL FOR ME GETTING OF METH...AS WAS MY MOM. MY SISTER WAS THE
ONLY ONE WHO SAID I MAY NEED IT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
LAST NIGHT I REACHED OUT FOR HELP TO THE ONE WHO SHOULD HAVE CARED THE MOST,
BUT I GUESS HE DOESNT CARE AT ALL, AND WOULD PREFER ME DEAD WHICH I WOULD
GLADLY OBLIGE HAD I NOT HAD CHILDREN THAT I LOVE MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF.
I AM AT THE BREAKING POINT....SOMETHING HAS TO HAPPEN
THANK YOU
>From: "Sha" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: "Heritics of Heroin" <[email protected]>
>To: "Heritics of Heroin" <[email protected]>
>Subject: Re: What's SO good about it?
>Date: Sun, 2 Nov 2003 13:35:58 -0800
>
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Dear Life,
Hopefully you don't believe that you are a speck of dirt a
piece of trash. I think some of the words that are coming from his
somewhat demented brain are of fear. Fear of really and truely losing
you. The anger speaks of it. If he truely didn't care he wouldn't
have any emotion.
He has got to realize that you feel like shit already and
don't need more. Men sometimes are so friggin weird. They don''t
want to face trouble they usually want to shove it under the rug.
Your family has to also realize that you are reaching out
for help and you want it before everything spirals out of controll.
I wish i had some profound words for you that would help,
i have fear for you also. You have come too far to go back.
Try to remember the happy times. Prayers are being
sent, Hugs Karen |
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Dear Life,
I have been praying for you every day that you can find
the strength to put the H back where it belongs. ( in hell).
You know as well as i do that with each hit the hole gets darker and
deeper. And you will just have to dig yourself out again. I think
withe each time the digging gets harder and harder,
You have the strength to stay clean. Shit you are
stronger than most just to dig to the top. Give yourself some credit and
don't listen to the inner thoughts of negativelty. Go to your doc and tell
him or her you need some support and help right now.
Your husband's tactic's of degrading you has got to stop
also. My God if breaking free of our addictions were that easy nobody
would choose it or continue to go back to it.
Stay well and please reach out for help. Hugs
Karen
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Saturday, November 01, 2003 8:47
AM
Subject: Re: What's SO good about
it?
What's SO
good about it?
Reply
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| From: lifeoverkill23 |
MAY I JUST HELP OUT A LITTLE
WITH THE UNDERSTANDING OF THE ADDICTS
BEHAVIOR....IT DOESNT
MATTER WHO YOU ARE OR HOW SMART, DUMB' RACE ECT....ONE
THIS
TAKES HOLD, YOU LIVE FOR THIS DRUG, NOT TO GET JUST HIGH, BUT
NOT TO
GET SICK....SO YOU CAN GO ABOUT YOUR DAILY
LIVING....IF NOT YOUR FUCKED.
I AM A REGISTERED NURSE , A
MOTHER OF TWO A WIFE HOMEMAKER THE NEIGHBORS ALL
THINK IM
GREAT, BUT THEY DONT KNOW WHO I REALLY AM. WHEN I TRY TO TELL MY
HUSBAND IM IN TROUBLE WITH H AGAIN.....HE DOESNT WANT TO
HEAR IT.....SAYS
ITS MY PROBLEM I NEED TO DEAL......WELL
WITH NO MONEY THE OTHER DAY, I HAD
TO GO TO THE PAWN SHOP
AND PAWN MY WEDDING BAND AND ENGAGEMENT RING......I
TOOK THE
LEAST AMOUNT ON THEM SO I COULD GET THEM BACK QUICK, BUT WHAT
KINDA
PERSON DOES THAT???????? IF HE KNEW HE WOULD KILL ME
CALL ME EVERY NAME IN
THE BOOK, PUT ME DOWN FOR HOURS, BUT
LITTLE DOES HE KNOW I ONLY DID IT SO AS
NOT TO BE SICK FOR
TRICK OR TREATING WITH MY KIDS.....AND WE HAD A WONDERFUL
TIME.......BUT WHAT ABOUT TODAY????????? THIS IS HOW IT IS
EVERY DAY
FOR AN ADDICT.
>From: "mrssusie"
<[email protected]>
>Reply-To: "Heritics of
Heroin" <[email protected]>
>To:
"Heritics of Heroin"
<[email protected]>
>Subject: Re:
What's SO good about it?
>Date: Thu, 30 Oct 2003 16:29:27
-0800
>
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Reply
| | | From: Marco | Sent: 11/3/2003 6:52 PM |
Hey life: I can't say if the suboxone will work for you- it has been a struggle for me and has not really gotten rid of the cravings, although it seems to make them more manageable. If it doesn't work for you, I think you should really think about going back on meth since that did seem to work for you. Anyway, in my case, I was using about 10 bags a day of kind of medium quality H. The doc prescribed a bunch of the 2mg suboxone tablets and told me to wait not until I was in withdrawal, but to that point where you start to get anxious and know the dopesickness is gonna be coming. He told me to take two at that point, and then another two if I didn't feel better within an hour. Well I ended up taking about 10 of them that first day- beginning at about 6:00 p.m. and taking two more each hour. I felt sick, but not like dopesick. More just kind of weird, couldn't really move, sleepy. I got a good night's sleep though, that first night. Woke up the next day a little sick but not really too bad at all. Took about 12 mg that day- 2mg every couple hours. Didn't feel too bad. Slept fine that night and the next day I felt fine. No withdrawal symptoms at all. Still had cravings to use, but I wasn't sick. And since then I've never felt sick. But it's been an on and off thing for me. I put together some clean time and then use again. One of the bad things is that if you use while on suboxone, you don't feel sick the next day. So I can't say if it's for you or not, only you can decide that. I know a lot of people have had trouble switching from meth to suboxone. But if you're off meth know and "just" shooting dope, suboxone should relieve any sickness, especially if you've already managed to go a day or two without using. Then you'll just need to see if you can stay clean on the suboxone. Otherwise, go back to the meth. Anythings gotta be better than what you're going thru now. I really feel bad about the way your husband is treating you- it sucks that he doesn't have more compassion. But please take some action for yourself now, get yourself in a better place and the rest will take care of itself in one way or another. But you've got to focus on you. After my many experiences with inpatient detoxes vs. suboxone, I'd never go into another inpatient treatment again. For me I felt less sick switching from H to bup than I ever did in an inpatient place- where they give you maybe 25mg of meth and it does nothing for you. As I said, I've heard that lots of people have had trouble switching from meth to bup, but if you're off the meth, I'd suggest giving the bup a try again. Just one junkie's opinion.
Marco. |
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Hi Misty,
Are you saying that I should just forget my ex and not give him a chance as
things will never change?? Maybe people can't change, and maybe he doesn't
love me at all. Perhaps it is just co-dependency.
Lydia |
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Reply
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Hey Life. I am praying you will choose your name, life. Honey, people used to tell me I was nothing but a speck of dirt too and was worthless. You can be who you want to be. Don't listen to that garbage. We all care about you here and love you . mrssusie |
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HEY MARCO,
THANKS FOR THE ADVICE....IM GOING TO GIVE THE SUBOXONE ANOTHER TRY...THE
MENTAL PART REALLY KILLS ME THOUGH A CONSTANT STRUGGLE. I HOPE THE SICKNESS
IS NOT SO BAD, AND I REALLY CANT GO INPATIENT, SO HOPE IT WORKS. LAST TIME
I USED WAS MONDAY AT 3:00PM..... HOW LONG SHOULD I WAIT IN YOUR OPINION?
IM ALSO FEELING SO GUILTY ABOUT THR RINGS.....IM GONNA HAVE TOSAVE ALOT OF
MONEY TO GET THEM OUT....I TOOK ANOTHER 60.00 OUT ON THEM YESTERDAY TO
USE.MY HUSBAND STILL NOT ALTHOUGH HE THROWS A REMARK OR TWO OUT HERE AND
THERE. IM FEELING VERY DEPRESSED, AND HOPE I CAN GET THRU THIS.
THANK YOU KAREN AND MRSSUSIE FOR YOUR PRAYERS.....I NEED THEM ALL RIGHT NOW,
IM IN A VERY DARK AND CONFUSING PLACE RIGHT NOW, AND THE WORST PART IS
THAT WHEN I USE....IT ALL GO AWAY, AND EVERYTHING SEEMS OK.
>From: "Heritics of Heroin" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: "Heritics of Heroin" <[email protected]>
>To: "Heritics of Heroin" <[email protected]>
>Subject: Re: What's SO good about it?
>Date: Mon, 3 Nov 2003 10:52:57 -0800
>
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Reply
| | | From: Marco | Sent: 11/4/2003 6:31 PM |
Hi Life: You know that using isn't the answer. It does make it go away, but only a little while, then you want to make it go away again.... and again.... and again.... and then you're off to the races. But you know that as well as I do. Using isn't the answer. I truly hope that what your husband said was just in a moment of anger and that once you start showing him you're getting it together he'll be more supportive. That doesn't excuse his behavior. But the priority needs to be you right now. If the last time you used was Monday, you can start taking the bup any time. It should eliminate any withdrawal that you're having, and it may help your mood, also. Best of luck and my prayers are with you.
Marco |
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Dear Life,
I hope today brings you less pain and more strength?
How are you doing? Hopefully you are hanging in there. Hugs
Karen |
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| Hi everybody! I'd say that dope is not that good for your ex as to hurt, lie, etc., as it's bad for him when he's not on it. As everyone else said it's hard to explain to someone who hasn't tryed it, but when addicted and not having dope it's a special kind of hell. So, at first you take it to feel good ( and it feels veeerry good, undescribable ), but later on you take it just not to feel bad ( and it feels veeerry bad, also udescribable ). You have every right to be frighten, but stick with him if you have any feelings for him left and let me tell you, there's allways hope, just be strong and try to support him as much as you can without trying to control him, that's one thing junkies hate most and therefore immediatelly confront it. Hope this helps at least a bit. Wish you the best of luck, fIVEFIGURES. |
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Reply
| | | From: vinny | Sent: 10/8/2004 10:31 PM |
Hi Lydia - glad to hear from you! If you haven't yet experienced a heroin rush, then you don't know what it's like. It's the GREATEST FEELING imaginable! Once you've tried/experimented with it, you'll completely agree! Drop me an E-Mail if you'ld like . . . Vinny |
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