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| | From:  InTheFade462 (Original Message) | Sent: 6/11/2005 2:42 AM |
Hello everyone... New to this group....relatively new to this devil but not new to the lifestyle...I'm not sure where to start or how the standard introduction goes so I guess i'll tell you a little about myself: I'm 24, live in Georgia...been messing around with Crystal Meth for about a year and some change now...At first I only used a little bit in the am to wake up and get moving, would party/binge on the weekends but made sure i went to sleep every week night for work. After a while it became harder and harder to come down, was affecting my work, started constantly binging, would stay up on avg 4-7 days between sleeping, sometimes longer sometimes shorter. So i started using xanax as a way to neutralize the wakefulness and get some rest.. It worked at first, pop a xanax bar and about 20 minutes later I'd fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow...After a while xanax stopped working, or it would only work if I had been up for 2-3 days, so that's when I started Heroin. The moment I felt that peace, that warmth hit me I knew that I would never go back to meth, it was like the ugly ex-girlfriend and smack was my new gorgeous supermodel gf. The experience was completely opposite to the way that meth made me feel, and I realized that this is what I was after. In fact, I hated the way meth made me feel, and I loved heroin. I haven't touched meth ever since, in fact, I haven't used anything else (Ectasy was previously my drug of choice, meth my drug of habit, heroin is now both). So that's me. I don't know what else to say...I'm still in the honeymoon stage since I have no desire to clean up at all, i've only been messing with this for maybe 4-6 weeks or so, so i'm still new. |
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Hello inthefade, and welcome to H of H. I hope you will find friendships and support here. Love Karen |
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| | | From: ©Sha | Sent: 6/16/2005 6:25 PM |
Welcome to HoH Inthefade..like Suzi and you..crystal meth was the first drug I injected too. I posted a story about it awhile back. Like you too..when I tried heroin for the first time I never looked back nor did speed again. Funny how that ws..like you described..I seemed to have found something that until that point it time..had been missing from my life. If only the honeymoon period could stay right. Ah well such is life..glad you're here and looking forward to more posts Sha |
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Thanks for the warm welcome everyone. Sorry it's been a while since i've posted. I have a question for you guys if you don't mind. I assume its probably different for everyone, but could anyone give me a rough estimation of a timeline for when the honey moon ends, when the need shifts from a craving to get high to a struggle to ease the sickness and pain of withdrawal? I'm flying blind here really and just wanna know what to expect in the coming months? Some background information on my usage: I've been using a little over 2 months now, I use 3-4 times a day, taken nasally via snorting*. I buy in large quantities because honestly (no offense to anyone) I never want to be that guy who has to lie and steal to get money so he can live from score to score. It's also pretty comforting knowing that I have a 2-4 week supply stashed away, it helps on the days when I don't use. I will say however the drawback to buying in bulk is my use/tolerance is growing faster than I had anticipated (and I had a rather liberal estimation on how quickly my dosages would ramp up). I bought what I thought to be a 10 week supply based on my first 2 weeks of using, factoring in tolerence buildup, and it only lasted 4 weeks. I've heard that with H, your dosages never really plateau, they will continue to rise until you stop using? Is that true? *I have an irrational paranoid fear of needles and knives, probably certifiable as a full blown phobia, its pretty bad. I can't even donate blood, i'm a sissy really, but that fear is probably the only reason i'm alive to be honest. No drug, no high has ever been able to overcome that fear until H came along, and I injected it for the first time about a week ago. I did the whole procedure myself and although it was amazing, that fear is still there. I won't say i'll never shoot up again, because I know I will, but I don't believe that will become my primary method of use. |
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well inthefade, you'll get used to living in the shade, cant say for how long you'll be there, thats up to you!!! the people you dont want to be like will become your best friends soon so you'd best get used to that idea first!!! swapping drugs is the easy part of addiction, we all do it some more frequent than others, the slope your on is the best disguised slide of all, you can expect a full instalment of misery & pain. the high you get now wont last very long at all, the phobia will always come second to any rush, and then life itself will also come second to the very same rush. but dont take my word for it give it your best shot, please keep us informed as to how great it gets, i've done it to and thats now a fact!!! the bus stops dont come around to often so make sure you dont miss yours. i hope you have a better time of it than me i also hope you have got your name down at a good meth clinic you'll be needing it sooner than you might think, take care john |
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Just to let you know your honeymoon has been over
for sometime and if you are thinking rationally right now you will try to jump
ship before you have done more damage to your body.At this point you could detox
using buprennorphine and that is something that a pvt physician with the proper
credentials could prescribe. And as far as not wanting to be in the position to
lie or steal for a fix,if the bankroll ever runs out you can believe this that
you will do whatever it takes to feed that monkey. Fortunately you haven't
worked the veins yet and if you haven't shared any snorting tool with anyone
then you are probably safe from hepc or hiv and I pray that you never find out
about those diseases. I will support you in your use and I will support you in
your process in getting clean it is always your choice and your decision and
whatever it is there is no judging taking place here. I've started my recovery
over 30 yrs ago and it took me a good 5 or 6 yrs before I got it right and I
thank God for where I am right now.
I don't want you to think that I was preaching to
you as that was not my intent I just wanted to keep it real and anytime you need
to reach out I'm here for you.
Claude
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, June 27, 2005 6:52 PM
Subject: Re: New to the group....
New to
the group....
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| From: InTheFade462 |
Thanks for the warm welcome everyone. Sorry it's been
a while since i've posted. I have a question for you guys
if you don't mind. I assume its probably different for
everyone, but could anyone give me a rough estimation of a
timeline for when the honey moon ends, when the need shifts from
a craving to get high to a struggle to ease the sickness and
pain of withdrawal? I'm flying blind here really and just
wanna know what to expect in the coming months? Some
background information on my usage: I've been using a
little over 2 months now, I use 3-4 times a day, taken nasally
via snorting*. I buy in large quantities because honestly
(no offense to anyone) I never want to be that guy who has
to lie and steal to get money so he can live from score to
score. It's also pretty comforting knowing that I have a
2-4 week supply stashed away, it helps on the days when I don't
use. I will say however the drawback to buying in bulk is
my use/tolerance is growing faster than I had anticipated (and I
had a rather liberal estimation on how quickly my dosages would
ramp up). I bought what I thought to be a 10 week supply
based on my first 2 weeks of using, factoring in tolerence
buildup, and it only lasted 4 weeks. I've heard that with
H, your dosages never really plateau, they will continue to rise
until you stop using? Is that true?
*I have an irrational paranoid fear of needles and knives,
probably certifiable as a full blown phobia, its pretty
bad. I can't even donate blood, i'm a sissy really,
but that fear is probably the only reason i'm alive to be
honest. No drug, no high has ever been able to
overcome that fear until H came along, and I injected it
for the first time about a week ago. I did the whole
procedure myself and although it was amazing, that fear is still
there. I won't say i'll never shoot up again, because I
know I will, but I don't believe that will become my primary
method of use.
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Hi Fade,
The honeymoon period ends at different times for different people. I can relate to some of what you are saying because when I first got into heroin I had just received a settlement from a car accident for $65,000. It seemed like so much money, I kind of went full force, and didn't think much about it running out. In the early days, I would get a bit dopesick, but I kind of thought it was funny - my body would be heavy, runny nose, but the dope was plentiful and delivered in 5 minutes. I wasn't shooting either - smoking and snorting. After awhile though, the dope sick stopped being funny at all, and became serious business. My habit crept up to about 2 grams a day, and I would wake up sick every morning. It was like waking up in terror, knowing that I had better act fast and score because soon I would be too incapacitated to do anything. The dealers figured that out too, and they stopped responding in 5 minutes - it was time to wait, and they would draw things out. The money was gone by the end of that year, and I found myself with a wicked habit, physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted and very ill. I was 20 years old, but I felt like a very old woman, and the whole thing had been so fast and slow, and subtle, all at the same time. It wasn't about fun after the first few months, it was about maintanence. Sure, it was fun to use, it was relief, but the bad times were really bad - and it was bad even when I still had cash and dope. Once the cash was gone, things got really twisted. It was like falling off a cliff, and I consider myself incredibly lucky to have made it out of that lifestyle.
I can't tell you what will happen for you, but I think what happened to me was pretty typical. Money can protect you for a while, but it always runs out. You will find your own path, but it sounds like you are already in further than you realize. It doesn't matter if you snort or shoot, once it's in your system it's all the same. My advice would be talk to a counsellor or go to detox, but do something, because the longer you use, the harder it is to quit and regain a good quality of life. People recover from heroin - it's a harf path, but there is hope and there are options. If yoo choose to continue to use, that's cool too, but try to stay safe.
-Curiosity |
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hi jo, you made me feel better!!! you always do, i suppose i've sprainedmybrain alot recently. after posting to in the shade, i felt i was being a bit hard about things. having only just survived what he/she seems determined to attempt i felt i had to say something and not alot of positive stuff came out, i dont know if you know anyone who has died from withdrawal, i certainly don't but we all know people who have died from using. im still fighting the cravings & coping a day at a time!!! thats all i've got is today its all i want really, as you know GED doesnt have one more day, nor does GINO, and the countless other people who havent or wont make it through. the things that keep us together in h o h have to be much bigger and stronger than the things that will tear us apart!!!!!!! it doesn't take much to distract this addict from the things that will keep me clean, my head is like a sieve the worst bits i wont forget but i will make them seem more acceptable in my own crazy way. im ranting again its 1am here so i'd best get to bed thanks again jo your a god send love john |
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John,
Unless someone is being blatantly mean to
some one on H of H, all opinion are good.
I have been here at H of H long enough to
know that people come from all over the world to join our little family
and its because you care, that you sat down and took the time to write
Eric.
As long as H of h, stays a non
judgmental
safe place to lay your head, all opinions
are welcome, hugs and kisses, Karen |
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Just read Sues Note and I also am a long time user 30 years offand on more on now then younger days, I just finished a bad 6 year long battle and finally had enough this week end hit RB and no money, lost husban, stole money from work and caught not in jail but owe 4500 to my company, how will I ever repay them anyway I quit cold turkey with my sister inlaw and what a hell of a week it was very sick but feeling a little better now, just night sweats and no sleep right now, but if I can go a week I pray I can go the whole way this time, Just a note I read everything on here so well informed also have hep c need to go to Dr . soon ck out my count. Keep on Lisa |
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Lisa, I will pray for you that you are able to kick and
stay clean.
It sounds like you are tired of running and running and
always ending up in the same spot.
What you are doing takes sooooooooo much courage,
You should be proud of that.
I know you have read this posted here at H of H many times
but, take it slow, one day at a time, shit, maybe one hour, or one
minute at a time.
It may not seem like much at the beginning, but 30 days
adds up to a month, and each month adds up to a year.
I wish you so much luck, Love Karen
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, August 08, 2005 5:17
PM
Subject: Re: New to the group....
New to
the group....
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| From: Liligrl5 |
Just read Sues Note and I also am a long time user 30 years
offand on more on now then younger days, I just finished a bad 6
year long battle and finally had enough this week end hit RB and
no money, lost husban, stole money from work and caught not in
jail but owe 4500 to my company, how will I ever repay them
anyway I quit cold turkey with my sister inlaw and what a hell
of a week it was very sick but feeling a little better now, just
night sweats and no sleep right now, but if I can go a week I
pray I can go the whole way this time, Just a note I read
everything on here so well informed also have hep c need to go
to Dr . soon ck out my count. Keep on
Lisa | |
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Lisa, Hang in there! I beleive you're so right, that if you can go a week, you can do the whole thing! But the withdrawal thing is only one part of kicking, right? I know you said you and your sister in law quit cold turkey, and thats pretty cool that you had somebody to kick with. But maybe you should find a therapist or whatever to talk to. Figure out a way to not use anymore, even when your not at RB. That sucks that you owe all that money now. But hey, at least your not in jail! But I know, it's just a big bill now hanging over you. The thing is, I think if you stay clean good things will begin to happen and before you know it you'll be feeling okay. May take time, but for sure it will happen. luv, sue |
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| | | From: Indigo | Sent: 8/28/2005 10:26 PM |
If you're gonna be addicted to Meth (crystal) or heroin, then definitely go the junk route--I did more damage to myself in 18 months of shooting speed then I did in 30 years of heroin addiction--Now its best if you can get off of every drug--but heroin is alot safer & easier on the body & ALOT more enjoyable im my opinion--to each his/her own--I still HATE Speed & I still love heroin though I only dabble now & then as I'm on methadone...Good Luck & remember, even your new beautiful girlfriend Heroin has a very ugly side to her--she's very subtle & patient. so you won't see that side usually till its too late & she doesn't like to breakup!! |
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I wasnt addicted till this year .... i have had H in my life on and off for 7/8 years. But i got paid a lot now so i spent the last 7 months smoking it. And now i'm pretty screwed. A definate addict. And life has gone from being brilliant and lovely and special to really damn hard and i feel like a constant fake to my family, boy and friends. So - to answer ur question - please stop now - i wish i never started again .... now i'm relient on another drug just to get me normal enough to get me through the day. take care. |
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