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Experiences : my daughter wished
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 Message 1 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSinkingBRINGIT  (Original Message)Sent: 7/13/2005 4:09 AM

Hey all,my heart is breaking I told my daughter Tabatha that i am going to be going in to the mehadone clinc for treatment because the dr.webb who gave me surboxone does not want me to go back on it and i don't understand why so the dotor told me i had to go to the methadone clinc and i agree i need to be on some thing at this point one because i was in such a bad car accident that i had recieved so many injurys and the clinc's and hosital's have me on some list saying that Iam a fucking drug seeker so don't give me any pain med's even thought i was able to get a few of them when the ER dotor gave me a number for a other dotor whom he was refiring me to well when i called it was dean care and after i had made this apppointment about 20mintes later i recieved a phone call from dean care telling me that I've been kicked out of there clinc so I could'nt come there so here is the reason why iam going back on the methadone clinc when i was on it in the past it help me .but here is the problem my daughter say's she don't want me to be on methadone and if i do go on it she told me dhe'll hate me and when i said tabatha why i believe it will do well for me than she lost her it on me and siad to me i wish you'd died in that car accident and i hate you and your not my mom your nothing but a fucking drug addict and i hate you so go to hell and i hope you die in your sleep to nite. that hurt me so bad iam cry as iam writing this. i try to explain to her way but she say's i only want to go back on it so i can be high alll the time. Iam still going to go on it,but am i going to loose her again,she just do'snot understand that with out it iam going to fuck up and real bad this time and i am trying to avoid that.

                                          iam only trying to keep what I got back cause i know i will spend money with the dope man and loose it all,it's just what i feel and i know it. iam so scarded she means what she said to me i could se the hatered in her eyes. Iam so lost and alone right know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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 Message 2 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamewild_under_scoreSent: 7/13/2005 5:27 AM
I'm sure her words really hurt but first you must remember that she's an adolescent, right? I think there are times when most parents, no matter how "perfect" have been told they are hated. And yes, I suspect there is some guilt because addiction has played a part in your life. It does place an extra emotional burden on her but that doesn't make you are a bad parent, just an imperfect one like a lot of other parents whose children have some sort of changing "ideal".

My suggestion to you is to not be defensive about going back on methadone. First in your own eyes. If it's what you need it's what you need. There's nothing "bad" about it other than the hoops you have to go through to get it. Sure, there may be side effects just like there are for a number of medications we need to take.

Why is it that she doesn't want you to go back on it? Fear that the system will take her away because you're doing what you need to do?






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 Message 3 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameLovingmom2433Sent: 7/13/2005 2:56 PM
Rose,
 
My heart is breaking for you right now,  I am sorry you are in pain and having problems with Tabatha too.
Her reaction to you going on methadone shows how much she loves you.
She is afraid for you, and obviously only knows the stigmas of methadone.
Would it make it better if we all try to write her and let her know that you are doing a good thing for yourself??
 
Rose,  you should be so proud of your choice, and please don't let Tabathas reaction to methadone change your mind.
You have to do what is right for you, and not do what pleases other people.
 
If I had a dollar for everytime my kids told me they hated me, and wished i would die, I would be a rich women, lol.
I remeber telling my Mom that too, when i was really pissed at something she did.
Its a natural way for a girl her age to act.  she doenst know how to deal with her feelings and verbalize it to you.
 
When she calms down do you think you can sit her down and talk to her again?????
Can you ask her why her reaction to methadone is so strong??
 
I am sure if you can get to her real feelings she will tell you she loves you and she is worried about losing you again, mentally and physically.
She needs to know that the methadone is a life saving medication and that you need it to handle your pain.
 
I am just confused about one thing.
Why is it that the doctor you are seeing wont write you a script for it??
He wants you to go on it, but he doenst want to be in charge of your care?????
You need to ask him why??
Ask him why he wants you to go to a clinic for your meds.
Tell him that the clinic setting is degrading and poorly run and you wnat to be able to manage your pain like anyone else who isnt an addict.
You deserve that treatment,  and you should get that.
 
I will keep the two of you in my prayers that Tabatha realizes soon that you are only trying to live a good life, without suffering from cravings, and the worry of finding your dope man, and you dont want to live with the pain you are in now.
 
If you would like to email me anytime feel free too, my addy is [email protected] 
Much love Karen

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 Message 4 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameSuziblues2Sent: 7/13/2005 4:54 PM
Rose,
Tabatha does NOT hate you!   Girls her age are going through a lot of crap of their own, and she is probably feeling embarrassed that her mom is an addict.  Kids get embarrassed so EASY and she's at an age where anything differant from the norm is hard.  
 
Maybe print out some info on methadone that she can understand and give it to her when she is calmed down.  Tell her you love and you understand but it is YOUR choice and you are sorry she feels that way but you know what is good for you.   
 
But I know, kids can be so dramatic.  And us moms do get guilty about them, dont we?  Especially when we are addicts!  But you've got tons of support here Rose, please try not to feel guilty for a choice that is GOOD.
 
luv,
sue

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 Message 5 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameConsolingClaudeSent: 7/13/2005 10:41 PM
Your daughter needs to be in counseling also and in every family where there is addiction each family member has there own issues to deal with and their co-dependency amonst other internal issues. Right now as much as you love your daughter you have to get yourself well and methadone appears to be what you need and once you get stable then take advantage of some counseling and therapy and once you have yourself on the right track you can try to educate your daughter or have her speak with someone in the field that is knowledgeable and knows how to speak with family members.
Your daughter is confused,frustrated,scared, and lost she has not a clue as what to do or say and what she has said to you is due to her emotions running wild and she really doesn't mean what she said to you and as painful as it is for you to hear it try not to focus on it.
Just focus on getting yourself better and then everything else will come in time.And once doctors know that you have an addiction problem they can not legally prescribe methadone to you except for documented chronic pain but not for the addiction part. And the dea is hard on the doctors today and they are afraid to write scripts for people who only have long-term documented pain issues and allot of these people are suffering because of it.
 
God Bless
Claude
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, July 13, 2005 12:09 AM
Subject: my daughter wished

New Message on Heritics of Heroin

my daughter wished

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  Reply to Sender   Recommend Message 1 in Discussion
From: SinkingBRINGIT

Hey all,my heart is breaking I told my daughter Tabatha that i am going to be going in to the mehadone clinc for treatment because the dr.webb who gave me surboxone does not want me to go back on it and i don't understand why so the dotor told me i had to go to the methadone clinc and i agree i need to be on some thing at this point one because i was in such a bad car accident that i had recieved so many injurys and the clinc's and hosital's have me on some list saying that Iam a fucking drug seeker so don't give me any pain med's even thought i was able to get a few of them when the ER dotor gave me a number for a other dotor whom he was refiring me to well when i called it was dean care and after i had made this apppointment about 20mintes later i recieved a phone call from dean care telling me that I've been kicked out of there clinc so I could'nt come there so here is the reason why iam going back on the methadone clinc when i was on it in the past it help me .but here is the problem my daughter say's she don't want me to be on methadone and if i do go on it she told me dhe'll hate me and when i said tabatha why i believe it will do well for me than she lost her it on me and siad to me i wish you'd died in that car accident and i hate you and your not my mom your nothing but a fucking drug addict and i hate you so go to hell and i hope you die in your sleep to nite. that hurt me so bad iam cry as iam writing this. i try to explain to her way but she say's i only want to go back on it so i can be high alll the time. Iam still going to go on it,but am i going to loose her again,she just do'snot understand that with out it iam going to fuck up and real bad this time and i am trying to avoid that.

                                          iam only trying to keep what I got back cause i know i will spend money with the dope man and loose it all,it's just what i feel and i know it. iam so scarded she means what she said to me i could se the hatered in her eyes. Iam so lost and alone right know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I

 

 


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 Message 6 of 7 in Discussion 
From: SoulwingsSent: 7/15/2005 9:53 PM


I feel so badly for you reading this letter.   Your daughter is lashing out because of her own fear of being without you. She is venting. If she really didn't care about you she would ignore you and say nothing.

When I had to send my son off to detox he called me every name in the book and I saw fear and hatred in his eyes at the same time.  I was terribly hurt and cried for days. He was venting and I understand now that he didn't hate me.

Take care of yourself and when your daughter sees your strength and determination she will relax and let her walls down. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.  Lori


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The number of members that recommended this message. 0 recommendations  Message 7 of 7 in Discussion 
Sent: 7/16/2005 12:52 AM
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